To really hate phone calls

[TwinklyFawn]

I find phone calls really intrusive. I always forget what i want i want to say when i am talking on the phone even if i write down what i want to say first. When i talk to people face to face i have no trouble talking. I prefer texting to phone calls. I can reply later if i am busy.

If you only answer the door to family and friends, how do you know what the stranger is there for? They may not be selling something, they may be there for something important.

Yes, no issue with it, and mobile phones only became a thing in my late teens and even then it was 10p a text but free on the landlines after 6pm!

If it's the most convenient way to get something done, I'd rather phone. If I need a paper trail, I won't.

If it's a long-distance friend calling for a catch up, we normally plan that time in advance as we're quite busy, but then talk for a good hour. If a friend/family member calls and it's a good time to chat, I'll answer and, if not, I'll call them back when I'm free.

I much prefer a catch up over the phone and loathe sending multiple text messages. It doesn't feel like quality time or engagement.

Most of my friends of a similar age are happy to chat on the phone, but I do notice my younger friends aren't. I'm not sure why, it can't just be down to mobile phones as it's not a massive age gap.

We get a lot of door step sellers up my street. Therefore if it is nobody that i know and i am not expecting a parcel it is likely to be a door step seller.

People who are in the Baby Boomer and GenX demographics will have grown up using telephones, the old rotary ones and buttons press ones. When the internet grew and grew, people emailed and used stuff like MSN/Yahoo/ICQ/SIM etc to chat, and that's how we talked to people all over the world. You could make voice calls and camcalls using Yahoo to save money on international calls, but eventually people just drifted away from them and preferred text communication. When smartphones appeared, we could text people easily and my guess is that had a big effect, especially if you were born a late Millennial/Early GenZ, so not NEEDING to use a phone to communicate meant less and less people wanting to I suppose.

For me it's important to me to hear the voice of someone I care about. If I have to deal with a complex issue outside of that, I'd rather use a phone. Emails are great for paper trails especially if you're dealing with a contractor for example, but phone calls are very much still important.

When I was growing up (1970s) not everyone had a landline phone at home, and of course, this was decades before mobiles, texts, emails or the internet existed. You couldn’t just get a landline when you wanted one, either- it all had to be done through BT who used to take months to supply one, and they cost a lot.

So the ability to make a phone call was very much valued by many people, probably particularly the younger generation…people of my grandparents age were never really comfortable on phones as they’d grown up without them. I still remember a house move when I was about 15, where the new house had an ‘extension’ (second phone) and how marvellous that was, because you had a bit more privacy to make a call. Typically where there was one phone in the house it would be in the entrance hall and you had no privacy at all. Then lived in student accommodation and very grotty shared houses for a few years - which didn’t have landlines. That was quite hard.

So I still love phone calls, for me they’re best way to keep in touch with friends when it’s not feasible to meet, although texts are also useful for touching base when you don’t have time to talk. I realise that, now that people have so many other means of communication they may miss out on practise in using the phone, and like all talking, it is a skill that has to be learnt through practice. I’m encountering the discomfort with phones in the younger generation of my family so I think it’s a social change that is happening.

I hate talking on the phone. I ca. do it but hate it. If I can book online or send a message, I will. I'm not a talker in general.

My heart sank when someone said recently they would call me about something rather than email!!

I couldn't have said it better myself.

People are avoidant now. That doesn't help ANYONE. If using the phone induces anxiety, then you practice using it until it does not. It seems people want to stay in their own little bubbles forever, and that's not only incredibly unhealthy, it's also really ignorant.

I hate phone calls too. Face to face I'm fine, also text and WhatsApp etc. It just seems false, making conversation on the phone.

It is not all about avoidance for me. I have certain relatives who cannot accept the fact that there are times when i am busy.

I get you 100%.

You're not afraid of the phone, you're just trying to deal with a family who can't take "stop phoning me I'm busy", for an answer.

How is it false?!

This is the main reason I hate phonecalls, you are put on the spot, i feel it to be slightly intrusive, and yes! Similar to if someone just "knocked on my door" out of the blue. IMO and in my experience. Like when someone calls because they are in a traffic jam! "Oh ill just call so an so yo fill up the time" like you're not busy or your time isn't as important as there's!.

I'm the same. I've no idea why. I put off making them for far too long, sometimes to my detriment.
It's not a confidence thing as I'd have little or no problem standing up in front of a large group of people and speaking (I've had to do this many times). I'm articulate, well educated and professional but I'd be happy if I never had to speak on the phone again.

I've always hated making and receiving calls, and I'm GenX so had a long time of having no other choice. I am so happy that in my current job there are no phones, everything is pre-arranged zooms.

I have no problem if I can see someone's face. I just find it incredibly hard to process when I am just listening to a disembodied voice. Sometimes I lost track entirely of what they are saying, it just becomes a noise, like Charlie Browns teacher.

I'm also overly aware of every long pause, and if I'm put on the spot and can't think of a response it feels like the silence draws on forever and I end up saying something stupid to fill it.

And I like having some time to prep, which someone suddenly ringing you doesn't give.

@TwinklyFawn

Well YANBU to hate phone calls, as that is your right. But IMO it's a bit weird to not want to speak on the phone. I am guessing you're young (like under 40?) Many millennials and Gen-Zs seem to fear talking on the phone, and speaking to people in real life, and seem to massively favour whatapping and texting. I have seen my own DC (both around 30) walk a mile out of their way to avoid talking to someone they know (who they speak to at great length.) It's a real 21st century problem!

Even when I or their dad ring them they don't answer 4 out of 5 times, and then they whatsapp us within a minute and say 'oh hi, everything OK? Bit busy right now, can't talk!' They just don't want to answer ... It does my head in. (No way are they always 'busy!') They both lose their shit if WE don't answer within 3 rings though. I mean, we only ring them 2-3 times a month, and they rarely answer! We only speak to them properly when we see them!

I agree with pps, it's ignorant to constantly not answer the phone/not want to speak on the phone, and yeah very unhealthy.

I detest phone calls. They don’t make me anxious/stressed/insert emotion here. I can make them if I must. I just find them an utterly dull waste of time. Most people I know feel similarly - it’s apparently a millennial thing? I’ve spoken to DH on the phone about half a dozen times in total, and we’ve been together a long time!

Anyway, I don’t do ‘social’ calls. The ‘just for a chat’ phone conversation is alien to my social group. We message each other. My work comms are generally text based, and meetings are generally either face to face or on Teams (which I don’t mind at all in that context).

So, unless I need to book a tradesman or something, I can go months without speaking to anyone on the phone.

I think it’s ‘ignorant’ to continue to ring people when you know that’s not their preferred mode of communication.

Speaking on the phone isn’t ‘healthier’ than text based communication, it’s just your preference.

Like what?

Someone telling you your roof is on fire/someone is breaking into your car?

I meant to say... in my post at 19.28..

. I have seen my own DC (both around 30) walk a mile out of their way to avoid talking to someone they know (who they speak to at great length ONLINE.) It's a real 21st century problem!

I missed the ONLINE bit out sorry!

I hate answering the phone or making calls, if it can be done via text, email or online chat, I'd always choose that option. I've gotten quite bad over the years to the point where one specific take away that's not on any of the apps, my friend actually calls for me. It pushes my anxiety up uncontrollably and I don't know why, but it does.

Oh don't be so ridiculous. It's ignorant to ring people now. WTF?! 😂 Even your own FAMILY. Like 3 times a month?

And of course it's not 'healthy' to not want to speak to people. Not healthy or normal. Seriously, have a word with yourself!

.

i prefer using the headset, but text or email is sometimes better for me remembering

Literally never in my life has my roof been on fire. And it seems unlikely that a stranger would know my car, be aware of where I lived, and take it upon themselves to report the fact that someone was currently breaking into it to me. 🤣

So, far fetched scenarios aside, the likelihood of a stranger at my doorstep having something ‘important’ to tell me is perishingly slim. So slim, in fact, that it’s a chance I’m 100% willing to take.

If you know they don’t like it, then yes. Your preferences are not more important than theirs. If all parties were being courteous, you’d message them (their clear preference) and they’d ring you (your clear preference).

It’s perfectly healthy to have different communication preferences to you. It’s incredibly unhealthy to be so blinkered and set in your ways that you are wholly incapable of adapting.

I think you’re the one who needs to grow up (although I see you’ve amended that) and/or have a word with yourself.