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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a 4pm wedding?

220 replies

B2B25 · 13/01/2025 11:03

So looking to get married in October this year (quite short notice I know) our venue is available on the date we want but they only have 12pm or 4pm, WIBU to opt for the 4pm?

I'm thinking if we do 4pm we can then feed people at a typical tea time? It won't be a fancy wedding breakfast or anything like that, think hog roast/buffet.

Does this sound OK or will people be annoyed at having to wait around all day!?

OP posts:
glittereyelash · 13/01/2025 12:16

I had a 4pm wedding and it was great, the day flowed so well. I had a humanist ceremony in a theatre attached to the hotel. After the ceremony guests went for drinks and canapés and then dinner was at 6.30pm. So many people have told me they loved how there was no huge gap in the day and there was always something going on!

RampantIvy · 13/01/2025 12:17

I do find the extended photography time just awful as a guest.

I agree @Wildwalksinjanuary

Am I the only one on here who thinks that photos are not the main priority of a wedding?

Maybe it is before I got married way before social media, but so many couples spend far too long on having photos taken these days.

Back in the day it would have been up to an hour if that.

GoldenGateFridge · 13/01/2025 12:18

I got married in October at 4pm. Was fabulous and we saved lots of money by doing it ☺️

Danced into the evening. Food was at a normal food time. So easy

Bogginsthe3rd · 13/01/2025 12:19

4pm weddings actually have higher divorce rates but as long as you go into it aware!

RampantIvy · 13/01/2025 12:19

Why?

BigDahliaFan · 13/01/2025 12:20

Perfect as far as I'm concerned. We did similar - except it was summer so people could mill about outside afterwards.

It also helped as we had people travelling to the wedding and it meant they could set off on the day rather than the day before or very early on the day.

Lookingforwardto2025 · 13/01/2025 12:20

I wouldn’t be a massive fan as I am a morning person and by 4-5pm am very much winding down into PJs mode. I am also someone who if I have an event later in the day spend all day pacing around waiting for it. Always have to book early flights for holidays as I would just explode otherwise 😂 However I would suck it up for one day for someone I cared about.

juicelooseabootthishoose · 13/01/2025 12:22

I got married at 4. It was great. Much less waiting around and people didn't have a drop in energy or mood. The day just moved at a nice pace. They didn't need to travel the night before which kept costs down for guests.

Although for us it didn't mean we couldn't have evening guests. It was one guest list. As the timeline was too tight to bring in more people. So that could increase costs/cause complications. But we had a simple wedding but that was fine for us.

Cattenberg · 13/01/2025 12:22

Wildwalksinjanuary · 13/01/2025 12:00

I do find the extended photography time just awful as a guest. Some bridal couples take hours, and the guests are just stood around drinking tepid Pimm’s and it’s such a low point of the day that sometimes doesn’t recover. The dinner and speeches go on for hours and you can see the energy visibly draining from the guests!! They should not be an endurance but often that is the lasting impression!

At a wedding I went to with ExP, the photographer ordered us all outside after the ceremony. ExP and I were only needed for about two group shots and we spent ages watching the bride and groom pose for different couple shots. It was particularly boring for the young children who’d had to sit still and be quiet during the service.

That said, another wedding I went to went to the other extreme. The photographer favoured candid photos, so most of the traditional group shots weren’t taken and some wedding guests were barely shown.

I think the ideal would be to take a few group shots, then send the guests inside for drinks and canapés while the B&G have their own photo shoot.

Allnewtometoo · 13/01/2025 12:23

I got married at 4pm on a Friday. No hanging around. Had the ceremony, sone photos, then onto a different place for reception. Meal for around 40, then evening guests arrived. It was very relaxed.

TheFormidableMrsC · 13/01/2025 12:25

I think that's great. I went to a Halloween wedding once at that time. It was so much better. People have had breakfast and lunch and will be ready for tea. That wedding also had a hog roast, an array of salads and potatoes and tons of crusty bread. Absolutely lovely. You can then go straight into the evening. Do it.

Midlifecrisisxamillion · 13/01/2025 12:26

I once went to a 3.30pm wedding and it was the best wedding I've been to. No rush getting sorted in the morning. Guests can get trains on the day meaning no need for an extra night of accomodation/possible day of annual leave. Time for hairdresser if people want to etc.

No god awful hanging around. Photos nice and short. No feeling knackered by mid afternoon knowing there's still hours to go. So much more fun as nobody knackered.

MyGentleNavyTiger · 13/01/2025 12:27

I got married at 12, simply because I wanted to spend the maximum time sharing the day with friends and family. But I see the benefits of 4pm too.
I’m a strong believer that you have to shape the day that YOU want. Everyone else can fit in with it and will be fine 😄

CluelessAboutBiology · 13/01/2025 12:28

The earlier the wedding, the more times you have to feed your guests, so having it at 4pm is better than 12pm.

mitogoshigg · 13/01/2025 12:29

As long as you aren't having additional evening guests 4pm is great, straight into the only food then evening festivities

crockofshite · 13/01/2025 12:31

CornishTeaTime · 13/01/2025 11:07

I would work backwards and see if the timing fits in. E.g. Venue closes 11.30pm, meal served 7pm....

It will go so fast. Personally I'd go for 12 but I'd have day guests and evening guests so 2 lots of food. Depends what you want but it goes so fast

If OP goes for 1200, won't they have to vacate in time for the 4pm wedding? I'm not clear how it all works.

edwinbear · 13/01/2025 12:35

I got married at 5pm, it was perfect. I had plenty of time to get ready in the morning as did our guests, nobody had to travel the night before. We had time for pre-dinner drinks, sit down, candle-lit dinner at 7pm. No separate evening do/guests, everyone came to the full event.

AirborneElephant · 13/01/2025 12:36

I had 4pm, it was great. Plenty of time for guests to drive and for me to get ready. Ceremony until 4.30, photos and drinks until 6, straight into dinner and then dancing with no need for the whole second meal thing. I think the whole day weddings can sometimes drag on a bit.

do bear in mind light if you’re late Oct though, you’ll need somewhere nice indoors for photos.

Wildwalksinjanuary · 13/01/2025 12:37

Also if dancing and celebrating into the night is important to you then a later wedding almost guarantees that your guests will still have the energy and motivation to enjoy it properly if it’s a later start.

I can also see some pp prefer earlier weddings and to finish early. As that is their preference. Also fine. I think what you can’t do is both. Start early and expect people to stay late. It’s too much for even the most enthusiastic of guests.

I remember the wedding last summer took me 3 days to recover. Not because I drank too much, but because we had to stay two nights due to distance. The heat was unbearable, and no one could sleep. We were at the church for 10am, leaving the hotel at 9am to be sure. we had to start our hair and make up etc at 7am. And didn’t leave until 1am as we had promised we would stay to the end. It was horrendous!

I was already tired by 2pm, so hot and tired. She had 2.5 hours of photographs. Then the couple had an hour off leaving all the guests stood around with a few bowls of crisps and warm wine for nearly 4 hours!!!! I was actually quite cross in the end. It was unbelievably selfish.

We finally sat down at 5pm and it really tainted the day. Most guests had left by 8pm. Dance floor was bare by 9pn. No one was left to see the eve buffet or the fireworks. I thought it was a shame, as clearly these elements cost thousands. I think the bride was really put out, but I am not sure what she expected given the length of the day. We finally got back at 2am shattered!!! It’s really put me off weddings.

MyDeftDuck · 13/01/2025 12:38

A 4pm wedding sounds great to me. And I actually think that it is the latest time in the day that couples can actually get married but I could be wrong.

The reception will take place at teatime and you won't have the hassle of entertaining people all day long. Win Win! Good luck and have a fabulous wedding day.

OVienna · 13/01/2025 12:39

Another vote for the 4pm wedding.

Ours was like 3.30 in November. It did affect the outdoor photos but there's loads you can get done before the ceremony anyway.

MUCH more civilised day for the guests.

DO IT!

SerafinasGoose · 13/01/2025 12:39

I'd prefer evening weddings, if I had to attend one at all. Those intermiable, identikit evening dos are insufferable!

Wexone · 13/01/2025 12:39

Bloody love it - here in Ireland most weddings are 1pm or even worse 12:30pm then you have that huge gap in between of hanging around before dinner .
When oi got married i wanted 3pm - the shock of horror was unreal - it was a civil ceremony in the same location as reception aswell. Hotel would only hallow 2:30pm. If i was invited to a 4pm wedding would be dancing for joy, no getting up early able to get lunch and work before. easier to get minder for dogs and appointments for hair. Its your wedding you want it for 4pm then go for it

OVienna · 13/01/2025 12:42

RampantIvy · 13/01/2025 12:17

I do find the extended photography time just awful as a guest.

I agree @Wildwalksinjanuary

Am I the only one on here who thinks that photos are not the main priority of a wedding?

Maybe it is before I got married way before social media, but so many couples spend far too long on having photos taken these days.

Back in the day it would have been up to an hour if that.

No, I was married in the last century. This has been going on for years.

Midlifecrisisxamillion · 13/01/2025 12:44

Wildwalksinjanuary · 13/01/2025 12:37

Also if dancing and celebrating into the night is important to you then a later wedding almost guarantees that your guests will still have the energy and motivation to enjoy it properly if it’s a later start.

I can also see some pp prefer earlier weddings and to finish early. As that is their preference. Also fine. I think what you can’t do is both. Start early and expect people to stay late. It’s too much for even the most enthusiastic of guests.

I remember the wedding last summer took me 3 days to recover. Not because I drank too much, but because we had to stay two nights due to distance. The heat was unbearable, and no one could sleep. We were at the church for 10am, leaving the hotel at 9am to be sure. we had to start our hair and make up etc at 7am. And didn’t leave until 1am as we had promised we would stay to the end. It was horrendous!

I was already tired by 2pm, so hot and tired. She had 2.5 hours of photographs. Then the couple had an hour off leaving all the guests stood around with a few bowls of crisps and warm wine for nearly 4 hours!!!! I was actually quite cross in the end. It was unbelievably selfish.

We finally sat down at 5pm and it really tainted the day. Most guests had left by 8pm. Dance floor was bare by 9pn. No one was left to see the eve buffet or the fireworks. I thought it was a shame, as clearly these elements cost thousands. I think the bride was really put out, but I am not sure what she expected given the length of the day. We finally got back at 2am shattered!!! It’s really put me off weddings.

Edited

The last 10am wedding I went to was awful. Literally hours of hanging around waiting while the important guests got photos done. Then after the wedding breakfast there was another couple of hours hanging around while they set up the evening do. I was freezing cold, bored and only knew 2 people. If it hadn't been in the middle of nowhere, I'd have gone for a walk 😂.