To have had a bowl of soup?

[PickedaPumpkin]

Normal Sunday, I’m up at 6ish with DS2 (1 yr old), DS1 (6 years old) gets up 7ish. We all have breakfast. I take DP a coffee in bed around 11, he’s awake but not up.

Midday, I give DS2 lunch, I tell DS1 I’ll make him a sandwich in a moment. DP appears.

Now, sometimes we go out on a Sunday for lunch, sometimes we don’t. Nothing planned, but DP had asked me last night where I was taking him for lunch. I made a suggestion, but nothing agreed.

When DP got up he spoke about running an errand. Fine, I thought, I’ll get on and make DS1 a sandwich. Whilst doing that, I remembered some soup in the fridge and got that with some bread & butter for myself. DP hadn’t even started his errand when he walked in and saw DS1 and I eating. His reaction was “Oh, so we’re not going out for lunch then??” I replied we could after he’d run his errand, and that it was only soup to keep me going. He said that I didn’t need to eat anymore, that I’d had enough, and he’d go out on his own (he didn’t).

My thinking, particularly for DS1, was that even if we went somewhere for lunch it would be well past 2pm before we ate, and DS1 and I were both hungry. Was I wrong for having some soup even if we were going out for lunch?

I think you are missing the point here as why should she have to wait until 2pm to eat just in case he decides to surface and stop faffing around? Not to mention the kids would be starving by then.

Unless his knob is made of solid gold and he's on first name terms with the gentlemen in Coutts, I'd be kicking his arse out of his bed and getting him to step up and do his share. And even if those first 2 were true, I'd still expect him to parent his children.

He "appears" at 12 when you have been up since 6, WTAF??!!

No, you weren't wrong and his " you eaten enough" comment doesn't sound nice at all.

However, if there was a possibility we were going out for lunch then personally I would check with DH before eating soup around lunch time. And if I was under the impression that we were going out for lunch I'd probably be slightly irritated to see DH eating soup without saying anything to me

Is this a joke? Why is he still there?

how can I be "missing the point" when OP specifically both titled and ended her post with "Was I wrong for having some soup even if we were going out for lunch?"

I therefore answered that, to me, there wouldn't be any point in going out for lunch once you'd already had lunch, so saw her DH's pov in relation to that.

If her OP had been "was I wrong for giving up on DH and deciding to have some soup instead of going out for lunch as we had planned" then your point might be more relevant. If anything I'm the one that's actually answered the question asked not the one you seem to think she should be asking. OP doesn't seem to have any issue with what time her DH gets up.

Besides which, OP said she made the food for herself and her DS at midday, i.e. pretty much the earliest you could possibly eat lunch, so she'd clearly already made up her mind to have something to eat by then. It's not as if it got to 2pm and they still hadn't left the house or had anything to eat.

tbh I don't really understand why, if she was so hungry she didn't just say as soon as he mentioned the errand "well me and the boys are already hungry so either do the errand afterward or shall we give up on going out for food and eat here then, because I don't want to wait until 2pm to eat?'

Seems like the whole issue could have been avoided if either of them had just asked the other either the night before or as soon as the DH was awake, "so are we still going out for lunch and if so at what time?"

12 when you've been up since 6 with children isn't early in the slightest. I don't personally understand why she didn't just wake him up and ask him but it sounds like a weird relationship!

Who lies in til 11?! I would definitely assume someone in bed at 11 didn't want to go out for lunch. You did nothing wrong..but don't put up with him saying you'd eaten enough.

Oh do grow up OP.
You are the adult, you decide on meals and mealtimes.
I would not be taking anyone coffee in bed at 11am on Sunday morning, nor would I be feeding members of the family different stuff.
Breakfast 08:00
Lunch 13:00
Children's tea 17:00
Supper 19:00 for adults

Is this really something worth asking? Are you feeling a bit lonesome or unhappy Op and just wanted an interaction with other mums. If so - and it’s understandable with very young children- here’s a big hug 🫂

So after I’d been told I’d had enough to eat and we weren’t going out for lunch, I continued to eat some biscuits as I was still hungry 😉

Why the winking emoji? Do you have such low standards that you think by using juvenile emojis it excuses your DPs unacceptable behaviour. I’m embarrassed for you. Is the bar really set that low for you.

You think it's a win that you got to eat biscuits., when your partner sleeps in till noon and controls what you eat.

I wouldn’t like to be told I’d had enough to eat - as best patronising, at worst controlling red flag behaviour.

Of course YANBU to have had the left over soup.

Wow he sounds a delight @PickedaPumpkin

So firstly he ask where you’re taking him for lunch, what he can’t plan anything himself?

Then he’s still in bed at 11am when he has young children. Don’t give a shiny shit if he’s a night owl. He also is a parent and should behave like one. And that doesn’t mean when you actually do spend time with your kids you’re telling them be quiet and watching what you want on tv

And then he tells you you’ve had enough to eat!

I know when we come on here to vent about someone that’s pissed us off were unlikely to talk about their redeeming features, but does this man have any?

Eat what you want when you want …he was messing with your mind, just awful behaviour on his part.

I could have written this myself a few years ago.
This was my ‘normal’ Sunday.

I used to get the odd lie in, if and when my husband could be bothered to get up, but it was usually after me asking lots of times. It gets tiresome, you give up.

Always felt like a completely wasted day, and when he finally got up, I’d be berated for being hungry and wanting to get something for lunch, at lunchtime, when I’d been up since silly o’clock. Because he’d now decided we were all going out.

Of course, these weren’t our only problems.

I'm no longer in that situation, I took myself out of it when my youngest was 6.

OP, you know the answer to your question about the soup, and also know that’s not really the issue here.

i hope you can find the strength to do something about it, like I did.

Dodged a faceful of soup didn't he and he needed it !

Happy to provide both for the OP!!