To have had a bowl of soup?

[PickedaPumpkin]

Normal Sunday, I’m up at 6ish with DS2 (1 yr old), DS1 (6 years old) gets up 7ish. We all have breakfast. I take DP a coffee in bed around 11, he’s awake but not up.

Midday, I give DS2 lunch, I tell DS1 I’ll make him a sandwich in a moment. DP appears.

Now, sometimes we go out on a Sunday for lunch, sometimes we don’t. Nothing planned, but DP had asked me last night where I was taking him for lunch. I made a suggestion, but nothing agreed.

When DP got up he spoke about running an errand. Fine, I thought, I’ll get on and make DS1 a sandwich. Whilst doing that, I remembered some soup in the fridge and got that with some bread & butter for myself. DP hadn’t even started his errand when he walked in and saw DS1 and I eating. His reaction was “Oh, so we’re not going out for lunch then??” I replied we could after he’d run his errand, and that it was only soup to keep me going. He said that I didn’t need to eat anymore, that I’d had enough, and he’d go out on his own (he didn’t).

My thinking, particularly for DS1, was that even if we went somewhere for lunch it would be well past 2pm before we ate, and DS1 and I were both hungry. Was I wrong for having some soup even if we were going out for lunch?

Are they his kids?? Why on earth is he getting away with not parenting at a weekend.

OK. My relationship works on communication rather than resentment and game playing so we’ll have to agree to disagree.

Yes they are. He has them if I have to work. But generally I prefer to do the parenting. Otherwise older DS is told not to be on his tablet, not to make a mess, not to make too much noise, and DP chooses the TV programmes 🤷‍♀️

Why the f*ck do you put up with this night owl nonsense? I am also a night owl but I have a child now and I have to be up with them because it would be grossly unfair to expect my partner to always do it, just because he is better in the mornings than me. You either need to always both be up or take it in turns. It shouldnt be that he just gets to keep whatever hours he wants and you pick up the slack.

Don't even get me started on the commenting on how much you are allowed to eat nonsense.

FGS why do you put up with this.

I've had so many conversations with women who 'used to be a night owl' and since children, aren't. Because typically women don't get to entirely check out of parenting for half the day because we stayed up late.

And all the people saying things based on them SHARING lies in with a partner, OP doesn't so it's irrelevant.

This man does not sound nice at all, to OP or the children 😭😭

A lie in would be construed as getting up at 11 yes. Most parents take it in turns, when I lie in I lie in until 10/10.30. That's what I need to feel rested after getting up at the crack of dawn all week and my husband gives me that, as do I for him on the other weekend day. So what?

Eating in bed is gross. Can you name a time where it is acceptable to eat food and drop crumbs in the place that you sleep rather than get up and eat in an area where your crumbs won't fester for the next three days while you sleep in them until the sheets are washed? For it to be a sweeping statement there must be lots of times where this behaviour is perfectly acceptable and not lazy and unhygienic that I have glossed over, however I don't believe this to be true.

@PureGypsyGold it wasn't 11am. She took him coffee like a good little wifey at 11am. He got up at 12pm.

And the snacks were a throwaway comment that you are weirdly obsessed about.

Why do you keep saying you share lies in. SHE DOESN'T so it's irrelevant what you and your DH do. Mine could lie in until 2pm for all I care. Because he would do the same for me, parents excellently, doesn't comment on what I eat, and is a wonderful DH. OP's isn't and doesn't.

Fester ✅
Lazy ✅
Unhygienic ✅

SO close to bingo…

Ah you’ve lost me at the “prefer to do the parenting”. Rod for your own back springs to mind. Sorry it’s just sounds like an utterly dysfunctional relationship. He stays up at night and lies in bed half the day. Monitors your eating and sounds about as much use as a chocolate teapot. And you who never gets a lie on but also choose to not allow him to actively parent because you don’t agree with his parenting style

What exactly is the point of being in a relationship with this man?

So if you went out for a meal and had a soup starter would you not be allowed a main??

Soup= fine.
Husband= knob.
Night owl my arse.

11am lie in & “you’ve had enough food” would finish me off for the day (or decade, depending what other corkers he had up his sleeve)

.

As does mine. Except if my husband wanted to go out for lunch, he’d book somewhere and get out of bed at a reasonable time to get the kids ready.

I prefer our way 😊

I'm really shocked at the low standards some women have - the whole situation sounds like a joke.

It’s great that it works,that’s the way it should be.

Sometimes it works then it stops working when the other half grows the entitlement and expectation. Losing the shit,pointing the unfairness and inequality doesn’t work,neither does attempt to discuss it when the other half starts stonewalling you or turns around and walks away.

Resentment grows and grows…

The only option is to walk away and remove yourself and kids from the situation.
Then they start listening (or not). Either way the millstone is gone.

This is bonkers. My DH was like this PRE kids! Now if I do the early shift (which I do usually do say between 7-9 ) he owes me the next few hours to go back to bed! I'd have been out the door going out for lunch on my own after that incident!

• He’s a night owl, struggles in the week to go to bed by midnight, to get up for work at 7.
• at the weekend he stays up till 2ish and lies in till somewhere between 10am and 1pm

He sounds like a teenager. Is he aware he’s has responsibilities or do you let him get away with it all?

So you have 3 DC?

She also "prefers to do the parenting" so can't complain he isn't parenting because she doesn't want him to do it anyway! If he's not going to parent because she doesn't want him to it doesn't matter if he's in bed or up watching her parents or cycling the tour de France does it. He's completely irrelevant apparently.

Its just laughable to me that you think she's in such a sorry state she needs to crawl into bed in the middle of the day with food, it conjures up the image of a wounded animal that needs to recover.

I'm stating what we do to make the point that it's not shock horror obscene for someone to stay in bed til 11 on the weekend as a lie in while the other parent looks after the children like people are doing on this thread. This is normal behaviour. It's not outrageous like people are making out. It would be better if they alternated doing this, but OP doesn't want to. So can't complain really can she.

Is there some kind of drip-feed coming here that you are a lioness and he is a male lion? Because if not, he is being very unreasonable to sleep until 11am, demand you take him for lunch and tell you that you've eaten enough yourself!

I mean, of course you weren't "wrong" - it's your stomach and your food, eat when you want/need to, but I can see where he was coming from - an apple or maybe 1 piece of toast is 'tide me over' food, soup, bread, and biscuits is a meal (albeit not a huge one).

That's pretty much my 'normal' lunch every weekday, so I definitely wouldn't want a second lunch an hour or so later, particularly when it sounds like you were planning to go for a pub meal/sunday roast type thing.

I'm not a "massive salad" "chicken lasts 4 people 4 meals" tiny portions "I'd be full after half a wafer" MN-er (have just polished off a chinese) but going out for food is expensive these days, if I go I want to be hungry so I enjoy it and clear my plate and get my money's worth, not pick at it because I've already eaten.

Does he usually dictate how much you can eat??