AIBU to think that shopping is now a cumbersome and alienating experience?

[HauntedBungalow]

I appreciate it may just be me as I've never been one for leisure shopping - I mean I've never seen it as being a hobby or pastime, more a means to an end.

But obviously at Xmas I have to do quite a lot of it, to get presents for people, and my goodness this year it's really felt like work.

Go online - well that's just wading through pages of shit, drop boxes, pop-ups and complex return and postage policies.

In person homewares - half the time the item isn't in the shop - back to online, as above, with no real idea about what the thing looks like (it would be a cold day in hell before I drop £2k on a sofa based on nothing more than a fucking photograph). Or it's broken/no one knows what the price is etc.

In person clothing - most sizes aren't there, and even if you do manage to find something you have to scan it and bag it yourself, regardless of if you're spending a fiver or £500. Piss take.

Supermarkets - don't even get me started. Find your stuff, scan your stuff, pack your stuff into your own bags (or pay £1 for each) with not a staff member in sight ... that's a warehouse, not a shop. And, most times the shelf tickets aren't accurate, the offers don't go through, the self scan tills are dirty, the shelves are dirty, everything is in the wrong place, loads of things are missing and the entire place is freezing cold. (Why are they so cold?) It's fucking garbage.

Is this just what late stage capitalism looks like? Where everything is dowdy and crap, and you have a constant background feeling of being slightly mugged and you'll never get what you want but will spend loads of money regardless?

I think modern life has demonstrated that in a lot of ways not all change is progress. Shopping was better for people when you had a local shop staffed by a person you knew, who could advise you on what to buy and would probably deliver it personally to your house. My mother remembers a shop near here where you would go in and ask for a simple item, like a jumper. The options would be laid on the counter for you to inspect (cotton or wool, white or blue) and you would choose.

Now we have a lot more choice and possibly things are cheaper, but we have worse service, worse quality, worse human relationships and we’re killing the planet. And all the choice actually makes the experience worse for us because it scrambles our brains and makes us feel unsatisfied.

The balance between the pros and cons of capitalism for ordinary people was reached decades ago, now we have mass consumerism it is all pros for the rich making the profit and cons for the customer.

In our village we actually still have a village shop run by a man whose family have run the same shop for several generations. He is a pillar of the community, helpful and stocks a range of really useful things (unlike most village shops which seem to be 80% booze, crisps and vapes now).

The way to fight back is to buy very sparingly and support shops that behave like relics from the past if you can.

Still thinking about this ... If retailers focus all their efforts on apps, they're going to lose even more customers! Before you can shop with an app, you've got to have the app installed. But when you want to buy something, you don't just consult the apps in your phone. You do an online search or get ideas from articles & posts that you're visiting. You see links to stuff you might like, you click on them, sometimes you buy the thing.

If clicking a link doesn't take you to the product at an online shop but, instead, tells you to install their app, then you're likely to lose interest. How many apps do you want on your phone? How many can it even handle? If I wanted a closer look at some shoes a poster in Style & Beauty linked to, I want to see the sales page for those shoes. I'm not going to spend time downloading and installing an app just in case I like the shoes when I can finally get a look at them (on a tiny screen).

Looks like @PermanentTemporary's right - our retailers are hell-bent on rejecting our custom 😬

We bought hardly anything this Christmas. Pjs for the kids. A few stocking fillers for my youngest. My ds needed a guitar bag and we paid about £30 extra to get it from an independent shop Vs Amazon as it will be well used and we wanted to be sure the guarantee would be honoured. That's about it.

I only buy from shops that have cashiers as I don't want to encourage the sort of soulless warehouse experience described.

I love clothes but end up living in sportswear a lot as you can't really go that far wrong with leggings and a fleece when buying online.

I ordered online from John Lewis and opted for click and collect from a Waitrose store. The delivery date was a week away, which was fine because I could combine the collection with getting something from Waitrose. Two days later, they messaged to say it was ready for collection and would be returned to the warehouse within a few days if not collected. I made a special trip and paid for the privilege of opting for collection.

I think it’s ridiculous to charge customers for going to a shop to pick up an order.

Where I live there just isn’t anywhere to go. M&S has zero stock in now, virtually no homeware out. We don’t have John Lewis. There’s next which I’ve always hated and places like River Island. There is a new White Stuff but it’s nowhere near as good as it used to be.
I want Debenhams and House of Frazer and a decent M&S to wander about.

The thing is the shopping places near me are rammed at times, just no one is buying anything. I think people do want to shop but there’s nothing to buy. The only place I go now is TKMaxx as at least there’s stuff to look at.

I went to one of those bargain retail parks and it was full of sports shops and suit shops, everything in FatFace was a 6 or a 24. I have money to spend but nowhere to spend it.

This is exactly what I do. However, I stick to Waitrose and occasionally M&S for food. I pay a bit more for a nicer shopping experience and helpful staff if I need them.

So many employers are terrible to work for and give zero shits about their staff. M&S used to be great to work for but I understand they've gone down the pan. Employers then wonder why staff are disengaged.

💯

I mainly use the shops to browse but wouldn't buy from the shop as then I would have to carry it home so it doesn't matter if they haven't my size as I would order it online even if they had. Shops are really just showrooms to show you examples of what you can order, there are signs saying that in them

I've got more money than I've ever had, I was looking forward to this stage of my life and buying some quality pieces - but where are they?! Even expensive stuff is rubbish and made of plastic... and I can only assume crew necks are cheaper to make than more flattering v-necks, because I can never find them either... I haven't bought anything for ages, I'm trying to look after my old stuff and stay slim enough to fit into it... (I have clothes from the eighties, the difference in quality is remarkable).

And the supermarkets have dropped the 'sell by' date on a lot of their fruit and veg 'to avoid waste' - yeah, for them! Now the stuff rots in our fridges instead of on their shelves...

I bloody love the self-scan things although I appreciate they aren't for everyone. Keeping track of what I'm spending as I go round and getting my offers in the app is fab.

I didn't have to bag or scan anything myself. I had one item with Argos not having the colour I wanted but not a major issue. The recipient was just as happy. One payment problem but I phoned and ordered verbally. One thing from Scotland that arrived too late but I had a (not as good) substitute at home.

For most people I decided what I wanted to buy, tracked it down on the internet and ordered it early. Other things bought locally from farm shops and individual stores.

Buying clothes for myself is a battle though. I'm 5'8", size 10 and very little fits

I went to a shopping centre yesterday and got charged for paper carriers….i thought the whole point of a bag charge was to stop single use plastic bags ending up in landfill! Paper should be free not 30 fucking pence. Add to that I live in Scotland where it rains a lot, it was snowing and one bag didn’t even make it back to the car. I forgot my bags so had to put up with the paper nonsense!

Is this just what late stage capitalism looks like? Where everything is dowdy and crap, and you have a constant background feeling of being slightly mugged and you'll never get what you want but will spend loads of money regardless?

I totally see your point here. I made a promise to myself a couple of years ago NEVER to buy something I don't want, just because they haven't got what I DO want.

I want what I want, not what the chief purchaser of a retail store wants me to have.

I've stuck to this with no regrets. It helps a little.

The bag thing is out of control now. Fair enough when it was 5p but some of these fuckers are charging a quid and more including yes for paper which doesn't work in the UK anyway. I doubt very much that it's saved any plastic - yeah consumption of single use bags is down loads, yadda yadda, but that's only because there are no single use bags now, and the multi use ones have way more plastic which I am sure takes about a million years to break down in landfill. Plus with the multi use ones they don't have to donate any money to charity, and they cost less than 1p to make. It's turned into yet another money making scam and the people most affected are the ones who can't afford to run cars.

what a clever way to stealth boast that you have upwards of 28 grand in cash available for the Tiguan 🤭🙄

DS bought his car on-line (during Covid, so options limited). Said it was better as he had two weeks to test drive it

We don't have
M&S
John Lewis
Next
WH Smith or
McDonald's

Our nearest big town has WH Smith & McDonald's in the centre and M&s and Next in out of town shopping areas.

Yes. Even a small European city.

We've just come back from Avignon which is tiny but even they had beautiful shopping streets including some designer shops. Also Marseille which is bigger and also had great shops. And because they're smaller places, the shops are all in the same areas.

Although plus sized bodies are better catered for than ever, I still find shopping a dispiriting experience. Maybe it's the loud music, or the excessive frills and patterns, or the crappy changing rooms, or the unflattering light, or the amount of clothes piled onto racks, or the quality of the clothes, and the tacky decor of the store. I avoid now, and buy all my clothes online.

Yes, I live in a city where the shopping experience is pretty grim. Fortunately, if I want to shop for nice, non-essential things I am surrounded by affluent small towns that still have a few good, independent shops and cafés and which offer a bit more choice and good service.

I have friends and relatives who live in a village about five miles away and the man who owns the grocery shop and the couple who run the café are literally the heart of the village. They organise all the local events, they are the ones who keep an eye out for the elderly and the disabled, they are the ones who contact the police or the local MP if an issue needs raising. They do so much more than just sell people stuff. In one of the small towns I go to it is the local small businesses who are truly invested in the people and the place.

Yes same! I really enjoy the simplicity of 'you need chopped tomatoes? Here is the one type we have.' Perfect. Also the middle aisles can be a nice browsing experience. Hate how long it takes to traipse around one of the superstores.

My town may look a bit shabby (poor and remote) but thank goodness we have a nicer shopping experience than the ones described here.

It's so sad what is happening to this country. Why does nothing bloody work?

I first noticed in many, many years ago whilst queuing for attractions etc in the US. In places where they either check your bags or pat you down, the "security" staff are laughing and joking with you, sometimes even singing. In the UK, you just get some grumpy gorilla who is probably a night club bouncer on his night's off, who just grunts at you, stares at you, doesn't speak, etc. It's a completely different culture.

YANBU

Me too! Most people I know feel the opposite, but I've always loved food shopping