Calm me down

[Tootiredmummyof3]

I posted a little while ago about how burnt out I was feeling and got some good advice (I didn't contact SS though if anyone remembers the thread). I did decide to make time for myself.
DH says he's coming home early today so I said great you can watch DS while I have a relaxing bath.
Baby steps but at least it's something. DH moaned a bit but agreed. Comes home at 2. I run my bath, light a candle and am literally just getting in the bath when DS appears in the doorway (no lock unfortunately). I shout for DH to come and get him which he does but 10 minutes later DS is back. I shout for DH (this time less calmly) and tell him to keep an eye on DS. DH says but he wants to be with you, just put him in the bath with you. I said no, this is my time. But he wants you. You want to get in the bath with mummy don't you? DH proceeds to strip DS and puts him in the bath.
I'm fuming my relaxing bath is gone but icing on the cake DS then poos in the bath!
I showered and dressed us both and then went in to our bedroom that does lock to calm down. But I can't. I'm so angry.
This was a rare treat for me as due to DSs needs and DHs work I don't usually get an hour/40 minutes to relax in the bath.
I just wanted a short break to recharge my batteries, but I didn't get it.
Obviously I will have to leave the house if I want a break but it's so cold I just wanted to stop warm.
I don't think I'm being unreasonable to be pissed off at DH (obviously no one's fault DS pooed) for ruining my me time, especially when I know he'll fuck off to his hobby at first light tomorrow?
Someone calm me down please.

Handmaids are out....

Eh? I just felt sorry for the child not understanding. Otherwise yes I completely agree what her DH did was shit.

What is his friends partner doing Sunday?
Do you know her? Can you ask her if she wants to meet for a coffee.
I know its not alone time but atleast it's adult time. Icing on cake is he will have to look after child while helping with DIY.

PS make sure you have to leave a good hour before he will be leaving.

Get a lock for the bathroom door?

It's awful when you have to leave your own house to get a bit of breathing space. Just extending some solidarity.

I've ordered a lock already. I don't know friends wife that well but I could call her and see if she wants to meet. I really don't want DS being dumped on her as that's not fair on either of them.

You don’t need calming down you need to have a conversation with your DH that basically tells him that this isn’t fair that he doesn’t just get to decide to go out on Sunday and leave it to you and that your alone time means he parents

I remember your previous thread. He has been a complete dick with this bath stunt!

Edited to remove lock recommendations as cross posted with OP’s update.

If you can afford it, go away for a weekend alone, and soon!

What a selfish bastard he is. Honestly, every day on here I hear more and more cases of ordinary men acting in a completely selfish way.

Glad you have a lock on the way OP 😊
Try she can only say no.
It maybe the start of a new friendship.

Stick to your guns and keep trying OP. With repetition it may not always the case sink in.
It's not easy being a mum, you deserve a break.

My kids know if I'm sat in the chair next to the window with a book not to approach me without a cup of tea and good reason 😆 Best learn behaviour I adopted from my own mother, that she took fom hers.

You have to give him consequences. Get up earlier than him, earlier than your child tomorrow, and leave the house. Go somewhere lovely - or take a book to a railway station. Anything. Teach this man a lesson. Bollocks to his football training - you step up to give him that break every fucking week. He couldn't step up for a couple of hours.

Get a lock on the door
High enough so child can't reach
Problem solved

that won't fix husband.

I would bet anything that the DC wasn't actually missing his Mum, but her DH actually sent the child to find his mother as he couldn't be bothered looking after him. The child isn't going to be scarred for life by being looked after by his own father for a few hours FFS!

You want to get in the bath with mummy don't you?
This is the seriously worrying bit. Once one of you starts manipulating your child to get your own way with a spouse, it is a slippery slope and a dreadful psychological burden for a child. You must talk with your OH and get that nipped in the bud.

A talk with your OH about what it is you want needs to happen - spell it out. He may respond that he doesn't think it can happen - but you can't move forward till it is spelt out. To be fair to him it can be very difficult when you are trying to keep a child away from the other parent and they are determined not to cooperate, especially one so young. The task of looking after that child becomes far more difficult than yours when the child is happy to be with you. It looks as though the only way of achieving what you want is for there to be an arrangement that he takes the child out for a regular specified period so you really can relax.

I would be absolutely furious. He knew full well putting ds in the bath was not right.

I often bath with my babies but then after my partner gets them out and dries and dresses them and I run it hotter for me, but if I was having a bath by myself I know it would be too hot to put one of the kids in. Wasn't yours hot? And if not couldn't you have just said oh no it's too hot for him?

You should so do this! See how he likes it!

Same. To have a bath in peace and there’s no way I’d be back in time for him to go to football 🤬

Wow. The amount of inadequate manchildren I hear about on MN only reinforces my determination to stay single.

How could anyone find such a selfish, entitled, shithead attractive? No joke, I’d be kicking his pathetic arse into the street and making sure I get EOW to myself.

Come on women (not just OP!) - don’t stand for all this bullshit.

What a cunt

a) the OP has said it takes ages for her DC to settle. It sounds like her alone time would end up being bedtime.
b) why should OP not have alone time in her own house when she is awake and alert?
c) the DC and DH need to spend more time together to build their relationship.

I think I remember your previous thread @Tootiredmummyof3. It is now time for you to take drastic action.

Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you have had enough. He isn't stupid, he knows what he has done. He is simply choosing to not put your needs first.

Have you got the funds to book a hotel for the night either tonight or tomorrow?

I would be out of the door tomorrow and leave a note that you will see after you have had a break. This is not okay. You are slowly becoming the default and only parent, you will burn out. This is not a time to ‘calm down’ op.

The problem with going out tomorrow is that he obviously is supposed to do the training in the morning. He'd be letting down everyone by not turning up and it would be my fault. And I don't have an issue with the training, it's the rest of the day.
I have texted his friends wife about Sunday so waiting to hear back.from her. I might also see if one of my other friends are free next Friday night.
Thing is DS adores DH, he's probably his favourite but DS is hard work , which is why I wanted a break.

Good on You OP hope she messages back and is free 🤞

If not have a look at what's on locally on Sunday and go and do it 😊 have that you time.