One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

She didn't agree with her son's choice of future partner and decided to leave her assets and money to her grandchildren. As long as she leaves all assets to her biological grandchildren then legally her children can't say anything. She doesn't have to leave any inheritance to her son's ss and I don't even think he has adopted him.

Sometimes the only way forward is to accept that life isn’t always fair. Not everyone gets (or is entitled to) any inheritance 🤷‍♀️

Might have been OP publicly kicking off at her daughter’s wedding and trying to wrestle the youngest son out of a family photo that was the breaking point. OP described herself as ‘uncivilized’, so you can bet it was particularly bad.

I suspect she thought that leaving it in a trust to her grandchild, that OP has no way of accessing, was going to be the best way of making sure it went where she intended. She may have thought OP would have worn her DP down, or that she was saving him a fight by going that route.

As much as this is rotten, this can be the consequences of different fathers for your children. I do not say that in a nasty way, but I know someone her little girls dad has money she’s just back from Florida and has a horse etc. Her son who is her daughter’s half brother has never left the country and they just scrape by.

when it’s opened up to different families, different dads etc unfortunately this is the outcome.

A lot of cloak and dagger and secrets in this family. That’s what coming through in this thread.

There really isn’t tbh - they’ve been very clear with OP, so none of this should come as any surprise to her. OP has only been asked to allow her adult son to choose for himself whether he wants to share his personal financial info with his brother, which falls under ‘minding your own business and respecting someone else’s privacy’ rather than ‘keeping secrets’.

Doing an advanced search is illuminating - she always seems to be at the centre of some drama with her partner’s mother, her partner’s sister, her partner’s brother’s new girlfriend, her own brother’s wife, her brother’s ex girlfriend, her brother’s ex wife, her ex and his stepchild, her ex’s sibling, her neighbours…

There’s a theme.

I don’t understand the relevance of your post. OP posted because she’s upset her eldest son isn’t entitled to money from the wider family.

It is shockingly entitled to expect an inheritance. I was a step grandchild who got a token amount from my very wealthy and lovely late step grandfather, for which I was very grateful. I wasn’t expecting anything! I got £5k and the biological grandchildren got circa £500k. I have/had my own biological grandparents.

As a child, I expected not to sit in a room at Christmas with my half siblings and see them being given gifts from their mum (my step mum) and our dad and me being given a lump of coal. I don’t expect to inherit from my step mum when she dies. It doesn’t make us less of a family.

I mean around people not telling their children who received what.

Because ‘the children’ are adults and it’s up to them to choose whether or not they want to share their financial business.

Not really a will is a straight forward legal document. The op is venting because she feels bad for her older son.

They are not children the oldest is 24 and the youngest is 18. It's up to him if he wants to tell his older brother.

You need to stop looking at it as a secret in your family. It is a matter within your DP’s family and while it involves your DS2 it does not involve, and doesn’t need to, your DS1.

All this apparent grief over your DC having different lives is energy I cannot fathom. Many things will mean your children will have different lives. If one of your DC had a lottery win, would you be asking here how to come to terms with this? You are putting far too much emphasis on the wrong things IMO. Both DC are seemingly happy and healthy, and will be in charge of their own lives and have some form of inheritance from their own families.

They are doing far, far better than many others. You can concern yourself with this only if and when your DC1 comes to you to share the view that life has wronged him somehow.

It could be worse- I'm a second child in this scenario, all through my life I got less than my half brother-he was supported through university and I wasn't.my father's mother was about to support me but died before I went, my Dad was executor got everything, but still gave me not one penny for university.
My step mother brought nothing to the marriage, never worked and never inherited and yet my half brother will get three quarters and I will get a quarter-so I am short changed yet again.
This is my father's choice , and there is nothing I can do about it- you just have to accept it, at least your partner recognises the inequality, so your son is in a better position than I was.

Someone posted this exact scenario the other day, but actually the SM is leaving all of her share to their one joint DC, and the DF is leaving his half, 50/50 between both his children. This is normal and fair. That’s not being short-changed.

I’d say it’s fairly normal in a blended family. I have 2 full siblings, one half.
My half sibling is sole beneficiary to her gp’s and their uncle who never had children, at a guess they will inherit over half a million in total. She will also inherit over half of my DM and SD estate, he is leaving his half purely to her, my DM is splitting her half evenly amongst her 4 children. My step family aren’t my family I wouldn’t expect nor would I want anything from them, I was 10 when they came into my life, I am late 40’s now, I have a minimal relationship with them all.

I am responding based on this thread, not prior information that you have regarding her opinion as to whether or not her ex adopts his current partner’s children. Though if that is his objective, it shows he has way more concern for his ‘adoptive’ child, ie his partner’s child, than the OP’s partner has about hers. As I understand it (also gleaned from other posters)…they have been together for 20 years, from when her son was four. He has grown up with his mother and her partner, yet is not accepted as legitimate ‘family’ by him or by his de facto ‘grand’ mother who has left a sizeable sum to his younger brother, and zero to him. Not a brass farthing. Shame on them. And again I shall state my opinion, which differs from yours…as is your right. If she didn’t want to store up grief for decades to come, particularly for her child, she SHOULD have made sure he would be wholly accepted by her partner and his family, before she had another child with him two years later. Surely two years was sufficient to see where the land lay (or at least the year of it before she got pregnant). They are not married, so legally he has no stepchild. He has not adopted him. And this is the fallout twenty years later…she has two sons with vastly different prospects, both of loving support and financial security. Added to which she is vilified by all concerned, for fighting his corner. No wonder the poor kid tells her to leave it. He knows noone has their backs. It’s sad that she has embroiled them both, and now her younger son too, in this mess. And if the grandmother/great uncle can’t see that their actions have added to the problem, then they’re to blame too. Although a man who leaves his money to male descendants only (as long as they continue the precious bloodline), has archaic values and frankly they all need to get with the 21st century. Or rather…a humanitarian version, that from the great majority of these responses to her plight, clearly doesn’t exist. I’ve seen zero empathy for that poor boy, both as a child and now as a young man. A lot has been said about him inheriting from his ‘natural’ father. If he is keen to have a legal connection with his current partner’s (wife’s?) child, as you state, what will be left for the older boy then? He’s been left out every which way. Seems to me she’s desperately trying to make it up to him for the inadequate ‘father’ she saddled him with, since before he was even at school. One who clearly doesn’t want the responsibility of her (their!) child. It’s his son’s brother! His long term partner’s son! What a flake.

Although a man who leaves his money to male descendants only (as long as they continue the precious bloodline), has archaic values and frankly they all need to get with the 21st century.

He obviously sounds awful, but it's interesting that OP has had nothing to say about the sexism. There's no evidence she'd have any problem with the male only provision if it had favoured her DP and/or DSS too.

Agree. Where is the outrage for the nieces??

@QuimCarrey It’s so confusing! She’s saying he will inherit half of his biological father’s property? My understanding was he wasn’t ‘there’ for him (and according to another poster, OP said on a different thread she’s against her ex adopting his stepchild…if he does what of his property/first child then?). Can of worms comes to mind. Though at least her ex believes the male adult in a household has a responsibility, morally and emotionally, for all the children in his family (as does the mother), not just his ‘natural’ children. Which surely is a good thing? If you are only interested in a relationship with the woman…don’t get together and live with a mother and her existing child (OP and her partner got together when her son was four…not even at school yet).

The stepchild in the other household doesn't have a father. That makes things different.

The plot thickens yet more! 🤣

It is honestly like a soap opera.

Indeed. This saga is better than some books I've read.

💯 This is the only injustice here. Everything else that others have said and done, apart from the OPs stance, are very much justifiable and within their rights to do, I find.

That would be asking a woman to justify a man’s decision to leave his money to his nephews, which would be very unfair and sexist.