One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

@TheMerryCritic the older son will also inherit from his dad. And given how long it has been since OP was part of her older son’s paternal family she can’t know the detail of financial arrangements and wills on that side of the family.

No, no, I don't agree at all. What other unrelated people do has nothing to do with her. She needs to treat her children the same. Both of these children have fathers who are leaving them half a house. It would be absolutely cruel for her to disinherit one of her own children because the child's own grandmother left him money. That should have nothing to do with how she treats her children. Honestly, you should have a look at her other threads. She has constantly sabotaged family relations with her behaviour. I suspect this is why her partner's mother didn't leave him any money directly and why they don't have access to the Trust.

Yep, marriage is verrrrrry much not irrelevant if you're in England and Wales, which iirc OP is. You can have all the children and property you want with someone, it won't change this fact.

It's basically fair. I can't believe the sense of entitlement I come across sometimes in terms of inheritance. Not the OPs situation, but in general.

You do have to ask yourself is she with her partner for love or money? Was she hoping his family would share their wealth with her and her child. Many men and women marry for money and it never works out their partner's family always sees through them.

It’s a can of worms. It’s beginning to look like materialism, if both sons will inherit from their biological fathers/mother then each is provided for. Though she has made a family of four with her partner so you’d expect him to view his stepson (whether they’re married or not, they’re life partners) as more than just a grudging obligation. Clearly she can’t sort it out amicably with him. And how do the boys get on in all this? Money corrupts 😟

Isn't it fair that any biological children will inherit from the biological parents and extended family on the biological side?

It doesn’t seem rational, fair or justified to expect a SP or BF/GF or anyone else on that side to even up things so that your biological children are not left with less.

Anyone who makes a decision to start, or get into a blended family is ultimately responsible for their own biological child(ren), regardless of the ratio of biological to non biological. That does not mean that all these children within the blended unit do not deserve to have love, care and respect. However, there may be some vast differences surrounding things, such as money and inheritance that comes with the territory.

I agree. Children are perfectly able to understand that too. But unfortunately a lot of parents (like the OP) try to force situations that just end up causing the children disappointment because what they have been (mis)led to expect from other people doesn't happen.

Absolutely 💯

He wants to share all their assets and money that they have bought and earned together as a couple equally between both children. I think that's fair. Op wants to leave more to her older child which will cause resentment between both children. Even though both children will inherit from their external families. It does look as if op favours older child more. Which is sad.

Op is a chancer

Stepmothers should ‘stay in their lane’, is the general consensus then? Blimey. Sounds like Cinderella. I do think the grandmother could have made some provision (of whatever nature) for her biological GS’s half brother, if only to avoid the potential discord which has clearly come to pass. After all her son married a mother. Are we to assume he thought her child was just collateral baggage? And she accepted this imbalance it seems. I thought the notion a man (or woman) could only love (or be expected to have moral responsibility for) their biological children went out with the fifties. It’s a harsh view of the world. So much for the ‘modern’ family.

She doesn’t have a stepson. They are both her sons

I do think the grandmother could have made some provision (of whatever nature) for her biological GS’s half brother, if only to avoid the potential discord which has clearly come to pass.

@TheMerryCritic
🙄 The entitlement is overwhelming why should his mother leave anything. She didn't marry her or lay down and create children with her she had no say in the matter. Her son choose the op her child. The ops son has another family should his family leave any provision for his younger brother? Or is it because op is a woman with a child and is looked at as vulnerable? He should be entitled to inherit from his family even though he will be sorted.

I wouldn't quite say that it takes nothing to have a child. It means so much to many women. There are very many who struggle to conceive and go full term too. Some women deliberately go about taking drastic measurements to have a child and spend thousands of pounds doing so, and can still fail. However, I do understand what you are trying to say about marriage.

Yeah, I don't know if @TheMerryCritic has read OPs previous threads on the issue, but it would've taken a looooooot of provision to stop discord from OP on this issue. I don't think this is one of those issues where a token few grand would have sufficed.

@TheMerryCritic They aren't married. I don't know how many people would leave money to their son's girlfriend's child from another relationship who they don't have a grandparent-grandchild relationship with.

Well yes I think the same applies to any of the boys’ grandparents. I didn’t say equal shares. Just an acknowledgment her GS has a half brother (they have the same mother. Her son’s life partner). Where’s the ‘entitlement’ (rolling eyes) in that? Otherwise it takes ‘me and mine’ to a whole other, self-centred level

I’m beginning to realise there’s a whole backstory here! 🤔 She doesn’t have a grandparent/grandchild relationship with the older son? Did he leave the house when she came to call? It becomes more opaque with each response

I genuinely can’t see how people can think this would be ok…by the same token the elder child’s father’s parents should be expected to leave something in their will to the younger child’s which their son’s ex partner has gone on to have with someone else. How can you not think this sounds bonkers?

One of my children (who is childless) is in a relationship with someone with children. We had a conversation early doors re these children not being our grandchildren-they have 2 sets of grandparents themselves, and should my child have a child themself, there WILL be a difference, although token gifts will be given at birthday/easter/xmas etc.

My child was astounded to think it would be any other way.

I think some mumsnet users fall over themselves to be seen to be inclusive when the bigger picture can be that younger half siblings can end up at a huge detriment

You're deluding yourself if you believe anyone should be entitled to anything. I don't believe you think that unless you are in the ops shoes and is a chancer as well. Why don't you teach your children that hardwork pays and to get your own things.

Both are her sons. He’s her husband’s stepson, not OP’s.

No, her partner told her that it’s not on her to share her youngest’s financial information, not that he couldn’t.

It’s standard for stepparents to leave only to their biological children. It really isn’t bizarre at all.

OP also doesn’t seem to think a stepparent that isn’t her partner should leave to stepchildren - she was very upset in a previous thread about her ex potentially adopting his stepson because it would reduce their son’s inheritance.

No, she doesn’t. She had a relationship with him when they were in the same company, but never considered him to be, or treated him as, a grandchild.

OP’s son, per her other thread, sat her down and told her that her approach of trying to push him onto them left him feeling awkward and embarrassed, and that he wished she hadn’t tried to force the narrative that her in laws were more to him than they were.

It's actually a miracle that she hasn't fucked up the relationship between the brothers.