One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

Oh, it's you with the older kid that wasn't invited to the wedding?

Anyway, You blended your family but you can't force your husband or his family to leave your older child wealth. They don't see him as a family member, your older kid is your family member.

I totally understand that this is very hard to watch.

I bet any female siblings of the male grandchildren are pretty pissed off too.

Thats me forgetting how old I am! I'm 40 and this was about ten years ago so everyone was very much an adult, I should have said the older generation. I assume my younger cousins were consulted and agreed, our generation in general weren't involved (what I was trying to get across was that I wasn't privy to the conversation or part of the agreement!) sorry.

Life happens - one of your children could have had a very successful career more than the other, one of them could have won lotto and not the other. I hope you do not pass your feelings onto your older child.

Are you going to leave everything of yours to your DS1 to make it somewhat fair OP?

You've had 2 children with 2 different men, of course they will have different lives.
Yabu to expect 2nd sons family to make up for your poor choice of 1st sons family.

How much £ are we talking?

All you can do is adjust your will.

Your other son isn't their biological relative, they had no obligation to include him in their will. It would be very unusual to. People like to provide for their own. They are aware divorces and estrangements happen in blended families.

This

YABU….your two children have two different families with only you in common.

It’s pretty awful but I feel more sorry for the sisters of the other grandsons! Their own blood relation has cut them out.

Re your will and your partner’s, you can each decide on your own wills. If you die first you can leave everything that is solely yours to your elder son and nothing to DH or younger son if you want. If you’re tenants in common could include your half of the house, if joint tenants then not.

But then he could go on to leave everything that’s his to younger son to even it out.

If he dies first, his will can dispose of everything solely his, but everything you’re left with (which could be the whole house or half depending on how you two own the house) you can dispose of as you please.

People are so naive about the differences children will experience when blending families / having different children with new partners etc.
Life is unfair at the best of times, so this can't be surprising. Children can have the same parents and still have different outcomes, so 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Really?

I find it surprising that people wouldn't get worked up about their own two children inheriting vastly different amounts enabling one to have a very different future from the other (from the OP's previous posts it was life changing money, not a few thousand)

that's awful advice.

You can't treat your own children differently! You would do even worst than the previous inheritance you are complaining about.

You can't blame her grand-mother to put her own grand-children in her own will, that's reasonable.

It's the same with the second one, it's irrelevant that it went to male FAMILY MEMBERS, (as wrong as it is to me), your son is not part of that family so wasn't on it either.

Your second husband is more wealthy than the first, the children benefit different from their father/ father family. Sadly there's nothing you can do.

Won’t your elder child eventually inherit from your biological family? (and his sibling won’t, obviously).
Is it just the disparity in amounts that’s bothering you?
Because in principle it’s perfectly fair.

@EWAB there is absolutely nothing to stop you going into solicitor and changing your will to only benefit your older son. your husband does not have any right to know. you can write that you want your older child to inherit your half of the matrimonial home with your husband having free life rent.

Have you talked to your elder son to see how he feels about this?

I am sure it’s a bit tough on him, but truly it’s not for your DH , nor his extended family to fix. This is as a result of your two sons having different paternal families, due to your choices. ( Sorry if that sounds harsh, it’s not a judgement, it’s just a reality)

I am not entirely sure it’s a good idea for you to try and fix it with your own will; I have seen so many threads on here where anything other than equal shares , causes a lot of resentment and family division.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amiibeingunreasonable/2427061-Imheritance

This is a risk you take having children with a partner who has money in the family when you don't have money to bequeath to your previous child. It's a shame but it is just how it is.

If this is the kind of thing you will be massively upset about, then don’t blend your family.

You can’t force others to blend your children, even if you and your partner decide to.

Or indeed just by luck or random genetics even if they have the same parents.

Only if they own as tenants in common. If they own as joint tenants (more usual) then the surviving owner automatically inherits the house. There are pros and cons to both from the OP's perspective depending on who dies first. Personally I'd always prefer joint tenants as then whatever they write in their will they cant make me homeless.

Has your firstborn benefited in any positive ways through your relationship with the father of your second child and their family, in ways that he wouldn't have had you stayed single? If so, perhaps you can view that as the benefit of your relationship with your partner.

Your youngest has inherited from his blood relations
Your eldest could inherit from his blood relations
It is not your youngest fault or his blood relations fault that it seems unlikely your eldest will get anything from his father. Perhaps he will…
I agree with your dh that you and your dh should leave 50/50 to each of your sons.

I suppose it could have happened the other way if DS1's dad was rich, then he wouldn't have left money to DS2 as absolutely no link to him