One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

😂 😂

Then her kids will have the fall out from one getting more than the other,people need to stop been greedy and be thankful she gave her money away to anyone in the first place,that's the thing with society today we all expect waaayyy to much off others and give nothing back

Yes, and to be honest, even if you had a closer relationship with them, there is generally something about biological relationships and the bloodline that is much stronger.

The majority of people are aware of this, and are accepting of this when it comes to inheritance, although problems will still arise. That even occurs alot in families that are not blended.

I think it's the parent of a biological child who has made a decision to become a blended family who feels this the most, and therefore has the most problems with it, even though they understand the dynamics. However, aside from the partners/spouses that were part of this decision to blend also, other family members cannot be held responsible in any way in regards to their money, especially, and the decisions they make about it going forward that might negatively impact any children in that blended family unit. It's selfish and unjust to try and make anyone feel guilty and wrong about that.

It should not be an expectation for GP's, especially, to treat SC equally. A natural bond and favouritism naturally takes over. I hope that I would just be extremely appreciative if the SC are treated equally for the most part and where it truly matters, by anyone.

By the way, I am speaking in general terms, and not about the OP fully, as she has stated that it is the families right to give whatever to whomever they choose in regards to inheritance. .

The op wasn't realistic if that was the reason she went with her partner. There is no guarantees that his family will like her and they don't have to like her. The op deciding to have another child with her partner is up to the two of them not the wider family. I didn't choose my partner because of his family I choose him. Whatever is bequeathed is up to them nothing to do with me. It only affects me when it upsets my partner and that's when I get involved.

They live together and have a child. Marriage is irrelevant, he IS her sons step father. I feel having a child and likely a mortgage is a bigger tie than marriage.

Personally i feel more annoyed at the relative giving to the boys rather than the girls.
For everyone going on about blood lines (ick) and "real" relations, imagine a real relative whos is your bloodline giving your son and not your daughter because hes male?! I honestly think id tell them to shove the money. Weird outdated sounding family!

Nope. It's not irrelevant. They aren't legally tied. They aren't financially tied. If the split up, all the OP will get is CM. She isn't entitled to anything of his. No money. No savings. No pension. Having a child just means he is committed to the child. Not her. He isn't a stepfather. He is mum's boyfriend.

OP, I think you just have to accept that this has come about as part of you and your partners doing. Nobody else is responsible, or owes you or you DS1 anything, apart from his biological father.

You said something like you wanted to know how to address the conversation with your DS1. So perhaps it could go like this:-

"I made a decision to get together with ....., who you are aware is not your biological father, and because of that you are in this position now."

I think the courts would disagree on the living together unmarried part.

If they have a mortgage, they are financially tied.
The family law definition of a step parent is being not biologically related to a child in your care and treat as a member of the family you created with the biological parent.

Might be different in other countries.

If her "boyfriend" doesnt consider himself a step parent when he's living in the same house as the child, she needs to get shot of him.

Yes, that is the real issue here for me too. Now that is unfair and discriminatory IMO

Legally it’s a precarious situation especially if he dies without a will.

No, he isn’t.

But even if they were married, it’s would still not be for the DH’s family to leave money to his DSS.

Depends on the country and the way they view it i suppose.

It weird, sexiest behaviour and i would not want associated with people with that mindset. And they know it's wrong keeping it secret. So odd!

I would have thought his biological son would take precedence if he dies without a will

Why should he though? The child has a living and involved father. Why should the child be made to view an unrelated man as...anything? It's not like he chose to have him in his life. And why does this other man have to have a role in the boy's life? He has two parents. He doesn't need another. Plenty of children don't view their parents' partners as anything other than their parents' partners.

The problem here as I see is that her partner does not share the concerns she has about the disparity in prospects between their two sons. They are half brothers, whether he is the biological father or not. He chose to share his life with a mother and her child, and they had a child together. For her to say he doesn’t agree they should ’change their wills’ to reflect this situation implies two things. One…he is not concerned about the older son’s inferior position. Two…he is fine with his mother showing blatant favouritism for one of the brothers. Three…he appears to be dictating what OP puts in her will, as well as refusing to acknowledge her concerns. Not quite the loving father figure one would hope to introduce one’s child to. And incidentally…where does she say they are not married (though I believe sharing a home and family makes him a stepfather). She calls his mother her Mother in Law (MiL). If he doesn’t view himself as such what on Earth did she see in him? She was surely setting up her first child for a life of inferiority and disappointment.

It takes nothing to have a child. But marriage means something. You can't accidentally get married. You have to actively and intentionally legally commit yourself to another person.

It's all in her other threads. And it is her who wants her partner to change his Will. Currently he is leaving his share of the house to his son and she is leaving her share to both of her sons. She wants her partner to change it so he leaves half to her son.

The eldest son's father also owns a house which he will inherit one day.

Thank you for perspective.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about organising finances to benefit Dc but have considered if I’m really helping them. ‘Depleted resilience’ has struck a chord.

You ended with, "She was surely setting up her first child for a life of inferiority and disappointment."

I think that this is partly true, anyway. I think SC, or C that live together with a biological parent and their BF or GF, will feel an element of disappointment, especially when those 2 people go onto share a biological C together. It may be true also that the OP's DS1 might feel like he has an inferior life in comparison, for whatever reason.

@TheMerryCritic is it blatant favoritism to differentiate between your grandchildren and step grandchildren in a will?

I do t think it is. In the same way that a step mother isn’t a mother.

there is a huge hypocrisy on mumsnet - step mothers are constantly reminded they aren’t the real parent and should stay in their lane, yet step grandparents are vilifies if they make any distinction at all between their own grandchildren and the children of Thor children’s spouses, partners and boyfriends/girlfriends.

in my family the step grandchildren are not included in any wills (grandparents long gone, but childfree aunts and uncles). They have no expectations and it would be odd if they inherited from us. I am
quite sure they aren’t making provisions for any of us😂

I hadn't realised they weren't married.

I would think that would be a consideration in will making, particularly with the older generation. There's a big difference between leaving money to your DS girlfriend's son and leaving it to his stepson through marriage.

Many old people become quite obsessed about inheritance, I think it's because it's the only way they can influence the future, and it's completely understandable that they wouldn't leave money to someone who isn't permanently connected to the family.

Ah OK! This is ongoing then 🙁 It says a lot that she needs to garner support from strangers. He is leaving ‘his’ share of the house to ‘his’ son…what a bizarre relationship. Their joint son has two inheritances, and the father is basically happy with him also having three quarters of the house when they die…the older (poorer) sibling to get a quarter. She needs to leave her half to her older son if she wants to even up the balance…then they’ll have joint ownership. What a palaver. How they can live together in unity is beyond me though her anonymously voiced concerns suggest they don’t? I also understood her to say the older son’s father was out of the picture? If not, and he stands to inherit a property from him (though is the father single and without other children?) then it’s another complication.