One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

You can change your will if you like - your partner can’t stop you and you don’t have to tell him.

Umm. I would save my RAGE for the one who left their fortune only to the males. I’d call the female grandchildren and say I’m so sorry and the best fuck you you can do about this is by making a success of your life. Never trust any relative who didn’t tell you this was a huge mistake. And tell your own child that while he’s very lucky you think it is disgusting to leave out the girls, and you see the dead relative in a whole new light so just as well they are dead really. personally I’d take a step back from any of my partners adult relatives who weren’t raging about it too. Grandma leaving her estate to the grandchildren? Pretty normal. A shame for your older child, but you both love him and that will have to be enough.

As a Mum this is really tough. Appreciate thread not about £s from step family going to your eldest but I’ve been on the other side of this. Aunt passed away. I’m the bio and my half siblings through marriage got the same. Wouldn’t of wanted it any other way and would have shared if hadn’t been equal. Family is about more than blood. Or at least it should be. To have the latest inheritance based on sex and with even more secrecy is a huge burden. I’d be tempted to level the playing field. It’s not fair of your husband imho to not allow you both to leave your own house to the eldest. When DP got with you he knew you came as a pair and even he seems to
want youngest to disproportionately benefit. How would he feel if it was the converse? Eldest in position of youngest? I suspect he’d have no problem then allowing a levelling at least to a token extent of their life chances. Not sure if it helps but there is also the option of life insurance from you to eldest. Some policies allow also a guaranteed lump sum to be paid to a named beneficiary. If it was me I’d be minded to do that. No one else’s business and we need to be true to ourselves so take no heed of DP. To have the peace of mind both are secure when leave this world the most important thing.

It's not hard. I 100% agree with you. You can be a nice person without it meaning you are making some sort of statement.

You give all the children in the house a gift. Ergo, they are a nuclear family.

2+2 does not equal 5.

Giving gifts to all children in a blended family does not mean the gift giver considers them a nuclear one.

‘Nuclear family’ is generally understood to mean parent and their biological children, not a stepfamily.

No.

Make your own way in life

But it’s not anymore, as linked above.

🤷🏻‍♀️

I am sorry you are hurting - I would feel exactly the same, and I don't know how you can get over it - I hope in time your eldest has some good luck of his own. This is one reason I am gutted that my children't father has remarried and had another child with someone else, and a big reason I would never have a child with more than one man - I am sorry this advice is of no use to you, but perhaps it will be to others. It's just a mess. Are your boys close?

Except it is (and one source claiming the opposite does not change that), but even if it wasn’t, that’s the clearly how it’s being used in the context of this thread.

And what happens if OPs house is worth much more than what DS2 has inherited now? What if DS2 has a couple of kids who could do with a helping hand financially in decades time, and DC1 has none? What if, what if, what if?

Life is full of uncertainties. Personally I'd just be happy that DC2 having a nice windfall has hopefully eased some financial pressures on the family unit as a whole. If you can/want to try make up a bit of balance between your two boys, I'd do it now OP. Not be aiming for it in 40yrs by which point hopefully both your sons are doing okay for themselves in life, and it would just be hurtful to cut one out in the last breath.

Agree with this. You can’t even out their life chances to be the same when they have two different fathers and families and the whole thing will never ever be identical in both cases. It would be a nice gesture for your son to gift some money - if it’s a vast amount - to the other. But he’s not obliged to.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives

They have different fathers, of course they will have different lives.....

Many children from the same families have vastly different lives. I know a very wealthy CEO who lives in New York whose unmarried sister works in a newsagents in her local UK village.

I know two siblings, one emigrated to Australia twenty years ago and lives on a ranch with numerous horses, holidays and a lovely lifestyle. The other rents a budget flat in a grey and grim UK town.

I understand that inherited wealth isn't earned but it is what it is. My already well off step sibling inherited millions from an aunt from her side of her family. While I envied them, it honestly did not cross my mind to wonder if I was getting any of the millions (and nor was I offered any) and why on earth would I? I find it really odd that you think your eldest child is somehow entitled to get some inheritance from people who aren't related to him?

Look at what you quoted. SOME definitions allow for step/half-siblings. Others consider only biological parents and full siblings. It's personal preference. I and many other people stand by the original and traditional definition because there are fundamental differences between the two setups. As can be seen by the OP's situation.

Does that mean the younger pair inherited as beneficiaries, but there was a deed of amendment which shared their inheritance with the older pair? It's to be hoped the younger pair who gave up half their inheritance to the older siblings were both adults and had independent legal advice, because otherwise there could be very expensive trouble coming.

So many family secrets@EWAB, that never ends well.

Are your children close? There is no way if I inherited a large sum of money and my brother didn’t, that I wouldn’t share it.

If your younger son keeps this secret… and the money…to himself, I think that says a lot about how he views his brother.

It isn't your youngest sons responsibility to compensate his brother for the fact that his brother's father's family will not be in a position to leave his the same sum as inheritance. Nobody is entitled to an inheritance. That's a grabby mindset OP.

Still tight. I will be splitting everything 4 ways between my 3 biological children and 1 stepchild.

I get it. Thanks. Forgive my obtuseness.😔

You are entitled to do that. It doesn't give you the moral high ground over someone that only wants biological children to inherit.

I think that's understandable when it's only 1 generation down. In the OP's situation it's grandparents who want to split their estate between the grandchildren. If the grandparents had chosen to leave it to their own adult children, then it would be then up to the adult children to spend/save/gamble away/invest that money however they want to. And to then leave their OWN estates however they wish ie. to their biological children and their stepchildren.

If your younger son ties it all up in investments and there is no noticeable effect on his spending ability then I would agree with this. Your older son doesn't need to know.

However, if younger son suddenly has a car and designer clothes and is planning a year long backpacking trip then that changes things. We don't just say things with words and by spending money he would be indicating to his brother that he had money to spend.

Your older son can just be told "DS2 inherited some money from a distant relations and is using that to fund xyz." It removes the secret without breaking any confidences as you don't need to go into details.

The important thing is that DS1 doesn't think you are bankrolling DS2 in a way you didn't fund him or try and keep up with DS2's spending and end up in debt.

That would be quite a lot to put squarely at the feet of an 18yr old. Even more so when the money was first inherited as an 8yr old!