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204 replies

EWAB · 16/07/2015 14:53

My son aged 8 has just inherited just short of £120,000 along with all of his first cousins from a much loved grandmother. Her nieces got a couple of grand. My eldest son her step grandson precisely nothing. She was loved and credited me with encouraging her to travel to see her siblings and she went to NZ with sister last year so no comments that we wanted her money etc. her three children however did expect to inherit but DP's siblings happy enough their children are inheriting [one able to buy outright house in university town}. However, it now appears that the niece has said that MIL arranged the will this way so DP would not inherit and my elder son would not ultimately benefit from her money! I asked my DP if we could arrange things to be more equitable ie leave more to older son. He refused wants his half of our assets to go to his son and my half to be split between both. He is upset and according to one of his sibs has approach sib with three children asking them to make things fairer as essentially instead of will being divided between her own three it was split 6 ways so ultately family with three children benefitted disproportionately. I am devastated for my elder son that he is financially worse off than his brother and for the future.y partner is clearly upset about everything but isn't sharing thoughts other than it was unexpected and he'd hoped to pay off mortgage! It has made me question everything about the grandparents who always seed nice.

OP posts:

DadfromUncle · 16/07/2015 14:58

Not sure what the AIBU is here.


Seriouslyffs · 16/07/2015 14:59

So was the elderly relative on your husbands side? TBH it's irrelevant whether its fair or not, it's none of your business. And besides its just too complicated for any changes to be made without upsetting someone. What would happen if you had another child, should it be split with your son or the cousins? What about triplets? What if one of your DH's siblings has a child the relative doesn't know about but was a blood relative? Leave well alone.


fourtothedozen · 16/07/2015 14:59

Presumably your oldest son has his own grandparents?


MaxPepsi · 16/07/2015 15:00

Your DP's mum has died. She has left her estate directly to her grandchildren and not her children?

Only one of your sons is her grandchild but you think she should have also left something to your eldest son who is no blood relation at all?

Your DP, her son, is upset because he wanted to inherit to pay off the mortgage but he's received nothing in favour of your shared son?

I don't honestly see what there is to question.


hotlikeme · 16/07/2015 15:01

It seems very divisive to have split the money in that way but ultimately it was her wish to do so. Maybe you should let the dust set the a little before talking to DP about how you might share assets between your DC. Treating them unequally could lead to problems between them in the future.


ADishBestEatenCold · 16/07/2015 15:03

Is this your partner's mother, you are talking about? (Your son's grandmother).

Why did she not want your DP to inherit?


ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/07/2015 15:04

It's a bit unclear op, what you are getting at, but I don't think she ought to necessarily have left anything to her step grandson. He presumably has other grandparents.


NerrSnerr · 16/07/2015 15:06

It seems an odd split, but it's her will so her choice.


JaneAustinAllegro · 16/07/2015 15:06

it's not devisive, it's tax efficient under the IHT regime she died under. It was entirely up to her to leave her money as she wished.

It sounds like your AIBU relates to your current husband / partner's attitude towards YOUR joint estate and how his stepson will be taken care of out of that? Whether he's unreasonable or not on that depends on so many factors including what your son can expect from his own father, that it's hard to make a call.


WayneRooneysHair · 16/07/2015 15:07

It's her choice and your DH can't really do anything about it.

Hopefully I have the right end of the stick as your op is very muddled.


Rosieliveson · 16/07/2015 15:08

I suppose it could seem a little unfair on the children if your son had been a step-grandchild for a long time and you feel he is now being treated unfairly. It's also a shame for your DP who hoped to inherit but it is his mother's choice to skip a generation with her estate.
I can see how you might want to 'balance' things out by leaving your own DS more but that also wouldn't be fair. In my opinion, assuming your DH is now raising your son as his own, your marital assets (previously shared and not) should be split 50-50 between the children.


Timetodrive · 16/07/2015 15:09

With regards to future assets your DC will recieve 25% and your joint DC2 will recieve 75% of your combined assets, can you not leave your share to DC1 to componsate unless DC1 is going to inherit elsewhere. As for your MIL that is her right but probably not the best time for these conversations with DP.


DeeWe · 16/07/2015 15:11

Goodness money does bring out the worst in people doesn't it?

So we have some jumping up and down saying it's not fair because 3 grandchildren are from one family so should have less each. Bet hey wuldn't be saying that if they had 4 children.
And you want your older ds to get some, when presumably he has another set of grandparents somewhere that I doubt extremely will leave any to your shared ds.

I imagine what's really upsetting your dp is the graspiness of his family.


DoeEyedNear · 16/07/2015 15:14

Your child (his step son) presumably has his own biological father he will inherit from? So why should the eldest inheret three times? You want it weighted unfairly Imo and I say this as someone with a step situation going on


FadedRed · 16/07/2015 15:14

Sorry, but it's entirely was up to her what she did with her money.
My Dp's didn't leave anything to my siblings step children, nor did they expect to get anything. Why should they? They have their own grandparents. How would you feel if GM had only a few hundred pounds to leave instead of such a large amount? Chances are you wouldn't be so bothered, so is this about the money, not the 'fairness'? I think you should be grateful she didn't leave it all to the local cats home. Grin


samG76 · 16/07/2015 15:15

Not sure it is tax-efficient, but I agree that the AIBU seems to be with your DP. I thought the question was going to be whether you could put it towards school/university fees.


LazyLouLou · 16/07/2015 15:24

So that's a lesson to be learned then.

Grandparents all over the world, listen up. Spend all your money, leave nothing. No matter how much thought you put into your will one of your kids will be pissed off with you and will want more.

So spend, spend, spend. Enjoy every single penny you have ever earned, begged, borrowed or stolen.

If you are a widow/er have a think... how did you kids react when you were widowed? If they behaved like OPs OH then borrow a HUGE amount and live a Life of Riley. Leave them only the memory of your smile and a pile of debts they will be grateful not to have to pay off... if you can manage to make it precisely match the value of your house, all the better.

Spend, I says.... spend. And sod the ingrates!


DadfromUncle · 16/07/2015 15:26

I have told my Ma and Step Dad to get it all spent!!! Don't want any mucking about when they die (not likely). Still not sure what the OP is asking.


PoppyBlossom · 16/07/2015 15:26

Your son has his own paternal family, who just like your mil can choose to distribute their inheritance as they see fit.


DamnBamboo · 16/07/2015 15:28

I have three boys levwith my husband.
My husband has a daughter with his first wife.
My assets upon my death, will go to my boys!
I will not be leaving any to my SD. She has her own mum and her own stepdad who is wealthy with no children.
My husband's assets which are initially left to me, will then be split four ways between his four children.

This is how we choose to do it.

FWIW, if my parents died, they would not leave my SD a penny! Why should they?


UrethraFranklin1 · 16/07/2015 15:28

Sounds like granny left her cash equally split between her grandchildren. I dont see the problem, but since OP doesnt actually ask a question we cant answer it.


Metacentric · 16/07/2015 15:29

Not sure it is tax-efficient

It is if the OP (or the OP's DP in this case) is potentially liable to IHT. By passing the money directly to the children it avoids the risk of it attracting IHT as part of the OP's DP's estate on its way to the grandchildren.


DameMargaretOfChalfont · 16/07/2015 15:32

Here's a novel idea - respect the deceased lady's wishes and leave the will unchallenged and the monies allocated exactly as she wanted.

Problem solved.


JassyRadlett · 16/07/2015 15:35

My bigger worry, OP, would be what happens if you die before your DH - how are your wills sorted out to make sure your elder child is not left high and dry in that case?

I think your MILS acted reasonably; I'm not sure your DH is. In your position I'd consider estate planning to try to better equalise things in the long run.


FenellaFellorick · 16/07/2015 15:38

She left her money to the people she wanted to leave it to. I'm not sure it's up to you to decide she wasn't allowed to do that. I know it feels awful because they are both your children but she is allowed to leave her money to what clearly she saw as 'blood'. I'm sorry that it must hurt you not because of the cash but because it probably feels like a rejection of your elder son. It isn't and I am sure it doesn't mean that she didn't love him.

Respect her wishes.

You can always choose to leave your assets entirely to your older son, taking into consideration that your younger son inherits everything from his father, if you want to. But I don't think you have any legal right to take your younger son's inheritance and split it.

Don't let money spoil your memories of her.

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