One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

How is it weaponised? The OP does have 2 kids with different fathers. That means two different extended families. It’s not hard to understand. Oh, and the comment about poor choice of first father is likely accurate as long as OP wasn’t widowed. Not deeply compassionate but accurate.

it does, but then you could debate the issue of what if one gets a better job, or if one is more successful, or what if both got the same amount but one spends it all and wants to borrow off the other one etc sometimes as much as its a pickle, sometimes its how it happens

I understand why it upsets you, but I think you are being a bit unreasonable- your son’s have different father’s and so there was always the possibility that inheritance would not be entirely equal. If your eldest had inherited from your MIL he could have ended up with the inheritances- one from each parent and from MIL. I’m not sure you can make it entirely “fair” in blended families where there is a disparity between the wealth/income if the families involved.

if I understand it correctly your eldest child is your partner’s stepson and your younger son’s half brother- so your MIL was not directly related to your older son? If so, I totally understand why she might have chosen not to leave your older son an inheritance as he has 2 sets of grandparents/parents to inherit from- I know you’ve said he is unlikely to inherit much from his dad’s side, but I don’t think it was your MIL’s responsibility to make that “equal”. I don’t know what their relationship was like or how old your son was when he came into their family, which would also influence things , I’d have though. For all I know, she might have accepted your eldest as family and included/been lovely to him but not seen him as a grandson.

I also understand why, having chosen to leave to grandchildren not children, your MIL chose to leave equally to each grandchild and not split between each child’s family (this one grandchild getting far more than the others who have siblings)- that would seem unfair.

I think the great-uncle’s legacy is grossly unfair, but as you’ve acknowledged it is his money to leave as he wishes. I think it would be unlikely that a more distant relative such as a great uncle would include a step-child. Especially so if he had no or a very distant relationship with your eldest. He might not have had a close relationship with your younger son either, but feel a connection via kinship.

I think you can’t make this fair. You could seek to make your will more reflective of the inheritance your youngest has already received. You can’t make your DH do that, but you can do it for your own. But perhaps tell your youngest in advance so he doesn’t see it as a snub or favouritism after you’ve passed.

Your older child might benefit from an inheritance, yours. If you have 2 children, then that would be 50/50. Whilst you might think it unfair that your younger child has received more than your eldest child, there is nothing you can do about that. Just remember that some people receive no inheritance, and still manage to make their own way in life. Both my parents are dead and I never received a penny, but I'm still solvent.

You can't do anything about the disparity in inheritance between your children unfortunately, no matter how unfair it might seem.

That’s all different. An inheritance is a gift, and watching your sibling get one when you don’t hurts.

@Floralnomad
Awful advice! but brilliant if you want to leave a legacy of recentment to your children, leaving the youngest with the belief their mother didnt love them and left them nothing to inherit and resentment between the two brothers.

This is not the same as the youngest inheriting from their own grandmother which OP's eldest is NOT entitled to but it all depends on how OP handles this situation.

They are part of the same nuclear family.

They have different fathers

Yes my closer half. Went to uni with help. I did not. They work in a low paid area but hard work.

I had children, the family was very much wanting to be involved in that.

They go off to fancy restaurants and trips abroad, I grow food on my land. They have high end furniture I like to build things from as much reclaimed items I can.

very very different lives. Which one of us is happier well who knows.

But they are a nuclear family, growing up together. The heart doesn’t always understand facts.

A nuclear family is a mum and dad and children.

If you have a step parent or half sibling that’s not a true nuclear family.

that i can agree with,

I think many blended families would beg to differ.

My partners half sister inherited from her dad. Should my partner inherited because they are part of the same family?

Doesn’t make it true though.

Your sons have different fathers. I don’t know why you think your older son should benefit from an unrelated family.

Any male who inherits and doesn't give money to the females who gets left out is as worse as the prick who left the money to only the men. That is so ridiculous. What is their justification to keep that money?

The money belongs to your son now. The only thing you can do is talk to him and ask him to consider sharing some with his brother.

If this was my wider family (5 siblings) then I know the newest inheritance would be shared between all grandchildren and noone would stand for the male only thing. I've know a friend's family do this too in similar circumstances.

It's sad between the two half siblings 😭 mine have same mum and dad and I'd find it very natural to ask them to spit anything unequal between themselves. I believe they would value their relationship with each other more than the money, particularly as it sounds like there's plenty to go round! I certainly would do this if it was my brother and me.

Appreciate it's a bit more complicated 😓

Of course you can't tell your eldest about this. It's your youngest's private business. You do not have the right to tell other people about his finances.

You need to be careful with your behaviour. From here it looks like you favour your eldest. Out of guilt and wanting to compensate him, sure. But it is still favourtism.

I'm not leaving to the boys is just terrible. I can understand why you first dc was left out far more than the girls

Use emotional blackmail bad idea.

Absolutely nothing you can do about other people's wills. But you know that.

You need to focus on what's in your own power. Personally I would be redressing the balance with my own will. But you'd need to have full and frank conversations with both your sons if you go down that route.

It is true though. You have a very strict interpretation of nuclear, which is your prerogative, but not everyone agrees with that definition.

@Choccyscofffy you clearly have no comprehension of the meaning of nuclear family.