One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

its like me, ill admit at times i wish i had the jet set lifestyle, because i would like to travel across the globe and if i had the funds then id cover England first, ive worked and enjoyed my roles but if i had the finances then i want to enjoy life as best as and make the most of it via eg travelling etc, but as it stands YouTube is the best i got for now, with peoples travel videos, then i do my gardening, again if i had the ££ i could get some more fancy materials etc but im happy with making do with what materials i can use etc. overall i do at times wish for more freedom and better finances but also it is what it is,

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

This is fucking horrendous. I almost felt like vomitting when I read it. I wouldn't want any money from such a misogynistic fucker anyway.

I feel for you OP. You are a mum who loves your children unconditionally and equally and putting all these replies about blended families aside, I totally get how you must be feeling. I don't have any advice, but I do get it. It must take away the happiness that you should be feeling for younger child having this unexpected financial security because you will be feeling heartbroken that older son does not have

I would find this difficult too but I’m not sure how much can be done about it. Could you agree to save a little bit more to help the older son with a deposit?

I actually find the fact that the girls, fully biologically related, are being left out of this! That would be absolutely awful- the only reason being their gender!

What’s your definition then? Below is the dictionary definition, which OP’s family meets.

nuclear family, in sociology and anthropology, a group of people who are united by ties of partnership and parenthood and consisting of a pair of adults and their socially recognized children. Typically, but not always, the adults in a nuclear family are married.

The nuclear family is considered the ” traditional ” family. The nuclear family consists of a mother, father, and their biological children.

Emotionally blackmail her child for circumstances he can't help? What a brilliant idea!

Vomiting!!!!!!!

I agree with your DP. In any case, what do you think will be achieved by telling your older DS? Surely this will plant the seeds of resentment?

Should ops son be emotionally blackmailed to hand over some of his inheritance?

It doesn't matter what anyone says the ops husband's family doesn't see the ops oldest as a blood relative. They are a blended nuclear family.

This is where you can't follow what your husband says. Your eldest is your son and his feelings of betrayal will not come from the financial disparity but from not knowing.
Your husband is talking nonsense, just ignore him on this. Your eldest will be greatly hurt by you not speaking to him proactively. If you do, he will probably feel gutted but keep his strong relationship with you and move on with his life.

Not remotely what you asked, but yes - your nephew should share his money with his sisters, and everything should be out in the open. Time to start blabbing all round, OP.

A nuclear family (also known as an elementary family, atomic family or conjugal family) is a family group consisting of parentsand their children (one or more), typically living in one home residence. It is in contrast to a single-parent family, a larger extended family or a family with more than two parents. Nuclear families typically center on a married couple which may have any number of children. There are differences in definition among observers. Some definitions allow only biological children who are full-blood siblings and consider adopted or half- and step-siblings a part of the immediate family but others allow for a step-parent and any mix of dependent children, including stepchildren and adopted children.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclearfamily

So some say biological, some say not.

The family the op has married into says biological only.

Who said anything about emotional blackmail? There is a big difference between talking to someone and emotionally blackmailing them. Or at least there is for most people.

Would you choose not to share with your sibling?

Should ops son be emotionally blackmailed to hand over some of his inheritance?

No, why would you think that?

"consisting of a pair of adults and their socially recognized children"

The OP's eldest is not her partner's child. And nuclear family does not include grandparents let alone one parent's partner's extended family. The OP's family is a stepfamily. Not a nuclear family.

If he wanted to share he will without any whispering in ears.

It's up to her younger son if he wants his older brother to know. Its got nothing to do with the op and her younger son should not be bullied because he has inherited.

This is terrible advice, what planet are you on. OP has no right, no one has any right, to discuss a 3rd party's financial information with someone else

Exactly.

The point is one sibling inherits and one does not, it does hurt. I’ve repeatedly said that that’s nit the inheriting child’s fault, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting.

How is a conversation "emotional blackmail"? I'm genuinely baffled by your interpretation.

You don't think that so what are you talking about?

A step-child is a socially recognised child. Socially recognised does not mean legally recognised. The meaning of nuclear family has evolved and includes step-members.

The function is the same, a nuclear family is two adults raising their kids in one home, as opposed to an extended family structure, where multiple generations of individuals, including biological parents, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins live together.