One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

I agree with him. In much the same way that it’s none of you business to tell one son what the other one earns etc for example.

The stuff you put in capitals is the answer to your query.

"You can - if all agree - sign a deed of variation. That means the money could be split between the kids. "

It is unlawful to do this if any of the beneficiaries are under the age of 18. You have to get a court order.

It sounds as though the younger son and some of the cousins may be under the age of 18.

You can't betray your younger son it's up to him if he tells his older brother. Its not up to you or your DH if your older son should know it's not your money or your husbands. I bet your younger son will tell his brother, you have to leave it up to him. Don't get involved they are adults 18 and 24 back away or you will lose one of them.

Duh yes the OP is well aware of this obvious fact. Do you always restate things the OP has said?

She's saying it's tough that her two sons have such different financial situation not that she is perplexed by how it happened

Might not seem fair, but their money, their choice.

You had 2 children by 2 different men

OMG! talk about weaponising the OP's past relationship background.

How deeply unpleasant.

In some cultures (including white British a couple of hundred years ago) this would be considered sensible. I'm not saying you or I should agree with this, but that we might have to accept it as being out of our experience.

Unbelievable unfair and judgemental post

It’s not weaponised. It’s facts. Two children. Two dads. Two families. Unless you pick two men from identical situations the child will have different lives and even then they still will
because one child will live full time with both parents while one doesn’t let alone money.

Op you can leave more to your eldest in your will if you outlive your dh. You can also write a will that leaves your entire half of your estate to your eldest if you die first.

"What a nasty toxic thing for your MIL’s half brother to do. Very strange too."

In certain cultures in the UK it is certainly not a strange thing to do at all (unfortunately).

OP infact you must write your will to leave your half of the estate to your eldest with your dh having a life interest in the house if you die first otherwise your dh might cut him out completely

Weaponising!!!

lol

Siblings do have different life experiences and different ways these the dice fall for them.

One gets their father and a step father. The other just their father.

They’re different ages when Covid turns their world upside down.

One may be taller. One may be sportier. One got an awesome teacher for their favourite subject and pursues it as a career with passion. One gets a dud, underperforms in an exam and doesn’t get to the uni course they might have done.
One gets every lurgy going, the other has good health. One works in a sector where there’s great job security, the other gets made redundant.

Theres more to life than money, and no two people live the same life. This is one difference in a lifetime of them.

My husband has two brothers. Neither had children. We had sons.

My FIL a wealthy man had been to the accountants, solicitors they'd come up with a plan to skip a generation and leave everything to his grandsons in trust until they were adults.

We were appalled knowing that it would do so much damage to siblings family relationships. We also didn't want our sons to be wealthy at such a young age.

We explained this all to FIL. He died suddenly two years later, leaving everything to his sons thank god.

We never told the brothers or our sons.

No-one was hurt.

It's not weaponsing it's staying the obvious. They will be treated differently and it's unfortunate I don't think the op wanted this life for herself or her children but she has to deal with it.

Respecting and defending the rights of individuals to make their own choices over their own assets isn’t the same thing as agreeing with the choices they may make.

Personally I don’t agree or disagree with, it’s not like I need to either. It’s irrelevant.

long story short, sometimes it happens, its like me, i don't know my biological father, he could be minted , i don't know, but ive made peace with what finances i have, if somehow i got a vast inheritance then yes id keep it secret from family to keep the peace, but that aside sometimes we can only use the cards we get given in life, plus if your not willing to share etc then what would be achieved by them telling the others etc as then it just causes or creates resentment , envy, guilt etc

I do get it actually. I am quite clear about the relationship between the different sides of the blended family, I didn’t think it needed spelling out that these were step relationships. Clearly the elder son is not a full blood relation in the way the others are and wouldn’t expect to inherit. That doesn’t make it any less painful, for the OP who loves both of her sons and doesn’t want to see them divided by this, and for the boy himself. And that’s the second time you’ve been rude.

Exactly. I don’t have anything to do with my biological haven’t ever. He could have £1 in his bank or 1 million.

If by some chance he died and left
me anything I sure as shit wouldn’t be telling anyone other than my husband.

thats the thing, money changes people, and yes right now i could really use some savings, i would never expect them so to speak, but if it was to happen then it would only be me and the bank account because as much as i care about my family i know id need to save for the future. (admitted i should of been better at saving but thankfully not too bad at the moment)

@mykettle Why did you say "you are being a bit hysterical..." and then have a go at @Bogginsthe3rd and say "There is nothing at all hysterical about the OP's posts"?

🤔

This is completely different to what the OP is describing.

I also am not going to inherit anything, which I’m fine with.

But when you’re one of two siblings and know that your sibling will inherit a life changing amount, that has to sting.

But they have different families that’s the point. My siblings are all half’s. They might get from their families and I won’t and I wouldn’t expect to know about it. Just as I wouldn’t tell or share mine.