One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

It seems a bit unreasonable to expect people to leave money to a child they are not related to.

Im not angry or rude, Im incredulous at some of the posts here and the one I responded to showed no understanding of the situation. The poster has since replied and still doesnt get it.

Money comes and goes education is what separates people. Your son's could be broke tomorrow but as long as they have their education they can get it back again. When you don't have a good education and your money goes a minimum wage job is not replacing it. Education is what sets you apart.

Roughly what age are the boys ? If they are in the 40s then perhaps that’s their business to talk about but if kids or teens I do think you need to help guide this situation

The worst thing about this situation is the girls being left out. OP maybe you could talk to their parents, and share ways of coping with the unfairness.

In terms of dealing with your 2 kids having such different advantages, maybe you should remember that siblings often end up with very different lifestyles. It’s not uncommon for one sibling to be a millionaire while another lives on benefits. That’s just life. Things might usually start equal, but they rarely end up that way. This situation has just brought the inequalities forward for a few years.

If it really bothers you, you could give your older son more financial help, and possibly bequeath him a larger inheritance.

How old are the boys?

I do get though that in a way it’s non of his half siblings business what inheritance his got. It’s his money with nobody else having a right to it.

Problem with money is everyone always wants a bit when they know what you have… oh can I have a “loan” for a car, you’ve got 200k sat doing nothing… it’s not like you earnt it either… you already have a house just given to you…

What relationship does your inheriting son have with your other DC?

You don't have to just accept the will. You can - if all agree - sign a deed of variation. That means the money could be split between the kids. The executor of the estate would have to agree, as well as other benefactors

My DH used this to split inheritance with other surviving family members when he inherited all (by law) from a relative who died without leaving a will.

Honestly I am not expecting my elder son to inherit from my younger one’s family. I am asking for advice on coming to terms with the disparity that has occurred and now the secrets in my family.

Why would you need or want to have a conversation with your oldest child about your youngest child's financial situation?

Whats that about?

I dont know my sisters income and she doesnt know mine, I dont know her financial ins and outs, or her mortgage, or her partners income, she doesnt know mine, why would we?

I understand OP and am in a similar situation for my children. my will benefits the children who will inherit least. It won’t even things up at all but it’s all I can do.

why are you not considering that?

MumblesParty

Their mother doesn’t even know.

has anyone made sure your youngest son has had financial support/advice. If he’s just had a a large sum at a young age he probably needs some guidance. I really feel for you O/P my heart would break for my older son in this situation. As much as you care about both your sons your husband only cares about his one. Imagine the conversation “don’t give anything to your brother because you earned that money for being in my bloodline and being a male well done” it’s like we’re back in the 1800s

Because this can still lead to hurt feelings.

A lot of people adults place their parents love to them in the inheritance When you parent leaves you less lots believes it’s because they love them less then causes issues with the siblings.

Unless you’ve sat down and explained it all far in advance it’s likely to lead to hurt feelings even if they understand.

What MIL did is fine. What the brother did is disgusting, this isn’t the dark ages

I’m sure she’ll find out one way or another, and then be rightly angry. What a nasty toxic thing for your MIL’s half brother to do. Very strange too.

You'll have to carry it to your grave or you can tell your oldest when you're on your death bed. I don't think his family will appreciate you letting out the secret. You will have to suck it up. Your oldest will be fine he will do well in life. He can live with you until he is on the property ladder.

I think I'd be quite disappointed if a male child of mine inherited money from a relative they didn't know purely because they were a male, and then decided to keep it secret and not share anything with their sister.

I think it is despicable that they are all accepting this money and keeping it secret so they don't feel guilty about not sharing any of it.

I know that won't be the popular opinion, and I know people are entitled to leave their money however they like, but I think people inheriting have a chance to make things fairer but choose not to out of pure greed.

"I came on here because I am upset that my children will have such different lives, which of course many full siblings do, like my own but this disparity has not come about through different choices."

Maybe reframe the thinking. This is not a loss from your older child but a gain for the younger. So it is not the older is disadvantaged per se Vs what would be anyway. As you say, this difference might have occured because of many other factors, some by choice, some by happenstance. There is every chance the would have ended up with very different lives (either way around financially) anyway. And if course, more money does not necessarily equal happier.

I wonder if the thing is that makes it feels worse is the nature of the way that had it arrived, via a inheritance for one only. Had they both been given a birthday scratch card and only one had hit the jackpot would you feel the same?

My adult children all have very different lives. They still live each other a lot and are kids again when they're together.

It's only a problem if you make it a problem tbh.

Whilst MIL was fair to her grandchildren, I do wonder how her children feel about it. They could have had their own hopes for an inheritance for their retirement and old age.

Op what kind of values are we talking here?

Isn’t this just the normal possibility with half siblings though? If your eldest’s father’s family had left a chunk of inheritance to your eldest then your youngest wouldn’t have received anything either (obviously). So there’s always going to be a possibility of unequal wealth between half siblings. That’s just life I guess.

The kids are innocent beings though - My dad remarried after my mum died, and I have two half siblings-
Dad’s new wife legally adopted me though ( I was very young) BUT new mum’s family definitely saw me as “ Not blood” and my half siblings were worshipped.

I definitely wasn’t left anything by step grandparents.

I tend to agree- oil and water families are tough on the kids, especially when there is favouritism.

( However, these relatives sound cunty not allowing granddaughters to inherit!
That’s really unfair.

That’s not the same. OP says her and siblings have different lives/wealth but they are fine too.

One sibling inheriting always has the potential to cause resentment. That’s not anyone’s fault, that's just human nature.

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