One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

If you are in pain over this OP, the sensible thing would be a couple of sessions with a therapist to work out how to move forward. There is no action you can take to alleviate the distress, it has to be about working through 1) why you are reacting so strongly and b) how to control those emotions. As another poster said, part of this will probably be about coming to accept your responsibility for the disparity in your children's lives.

I am genuinely not arguing that he should have inherited from his stepfamily.

I came on here because I am upset that my children will have such different lives, which of course many full siblings do, like my own but this disparity has not come about through different choices.

This latest inheritance, I could not have predicted in a million years

It’s more than - it’s because of who they are, who their parents are. They aren’t full siblings. You keep saying you understand that but you don’t seem to fully accept it.

my cousins and I will inherit differently - that is not unfair it’s just life.

There are ‘step’ cousins in my family (if that’s a thing?). They don’t inherit from anyone in my family. I seriously doubt they expect to. They can’t even remember my uncle and aunts names😂. I cent remember their names😂

Which is all fair enough... I mean why would you purposely create bad feelings between your two sons? The mind boggles 😅

You're right, of course. That's what my "(unless they are, of course)" was about at the end of my post. Your step-father chose to treat you as an equal to his biological child. That was his right, but not his obligation. He's a better step-dad to his step-child than some bio dads are fathers to their own children (such as yours, perhaps). What I wrote evidently doesn't apply to you.

Sorry I think I more outraged for the female blood grandchildren of your MIL from her brothers will than for you and your son.

no one is entitled to anything and if you have 2 children from different partners this happens and you just have to roll with it. However the female grandchildren should legally be entitled to anything the males are.

Sounds pretty standard. I wouldn't leave much to someone else's grandchild either if I had plenty of my own grandchildren.

What are talking about footballers lose millions and become broke. Why would they live different lives? People win the lottery and a year later are poor again. Do you know what you are talking about your poor children you are going to turn them against eachother. From the sounds of it your older son isn't tolerant of your behaviour and won't stand for your nonsense.

@EWAB I've found that sometimes acknowledging that something isn't fair can take part of the sting away. It isn't fair that your younger son has more inheritance than your older one, but it is what it is.

Could you set up (depending on his age) either a junior ISA or a lifetime ISA for your eldest and pay a regular, but affordable amount into that? You haven't mentioned amounts but it could make a significant difference if your eldest wants to buy a property and has a deposit. It wouldn't be as much as what your younger son has. It would be an acknowledgement that the situation is unfair and you did what you could to redress things.

From a financial perspective trying to redress any imbalance in your will means that your son is (hopefully) likely to already be middle aged before he inherits anything. Emotionally I think you could give different amounts to each son, but I would also leave a letter explaining why you have decided to do this and ensure that you leave both older and younger son some named sentimental/household items.

What I would be more careful about is letting the money come between your two sons. One brother giving or borrowing money off the other could really change their relationship. And I would try and make sure that I continued to treat both sons equally in financial terms.

Unfortunately it is the risk you take in having children with someone whonalready has children.

Would you be as upset if your partner had a child from a previous relationship and your great aunt fanny left money to your 2 children and not to your dsc?

No need to be rude. Of course I haven’t misunderstood, I know he doesn’t have any right to inherit, but if everyone of his siblings and cousins have inherited, that is bound to hurt.

The answer would be to hold the house as tenants in common and for OP to leave her share to both children equally with a life interest to her DH. That way both sons are guaranteed to get something from her whatever happens with her DH.

Exactly this. 👏

You effectively have the inequality of our society manifested in your own kids. Most people are able to put it away from their minds as it’s not in their faces and perhaps they are surrounded by people with similar economic backgrounds, but for you, it’s quite stark. So I am not surprised that it is upsetting for you.
And of course, you would want your kids to continue to be close as brothers when you are gone and not be separated by inheritance realities. Bloodline isn’t everything, relationships are.
So your emotions are understandable.

I understood what you were saying. People are so quick to anger here.

Sad as it is , it's the way it goes I'm afraid. Would your eldest childs father leave anything to your younger son ( if he was wealthy enough to do so) and would that be unreasonable for him not too ? I have 2nd marriage and all children have different extended family , its just the way it goes .

What age are your sons O/P and at what age did the step dad for your son come in.
I totally agree with you it’s really unfair and if I was the older son I would be so hurt. It’s one thing to see your cousin getting different to you but your own brother is harsh.
if it was me, I would leave my entire will to the son that didn’t get anything and I would explain that to both.

I do not expect my elder son to inherit from his stepfamily- father’s family. People seem to think that this thread is about that.

The thread is wanting to know how to come to terms with the difference in life chances.

I am also upset at not being able to have an open and honest conversation about what is happening. I.e. eldest not knowing some significant has happened.

That DP’s brother and nephew have not told their daughters /sisters shocks me.

I'm not sure if anyone has replied to your post yet after you raised this point in reply to my post.

There are slightly different rules depending on if you are in England & Wales or Scotland.

I'm going to be assuming E&W here.

Generally speaking, people have "testamentary freedom". This means that you can leave your possessions to anyone you want in your will (even the local cat rescue home in preference to your own children if you so wish).

"...everything is passed to the spouse upon death?"

You may be thinking here of things like joint ownership of a home or joint bank accounts.

If a couple own a home as "joint tenants" (as opposed to "tenants in common") then, on the death of one spouse, the home does automatically pass to the surviving spouse on death. Similarly with joint bank accounts, the surviving spouse automatically inherits the account.

However, many people these days are choosing to own property as "tenants in common" so that their share does NOT automatically go to their surviving spouse or partner.

"...everything is passed to the spouse upon death?"

Another situation where this can happen is if one spouse dies without making a will. They die "intestate".

Again, this is just for E&W but the outcome will depend on the value of the estate. If the total estate is worth less than £322,000 then the surviving spouse does indeed get everything.

If the estate is worth more than £322k then the spouse gets the first £322k and anything above that is split 50/50 with the children.
.

"She should’ve got the full lot not 50%, I don’t get that at all."

The decision in this case is not a particularly surprising or notable one. Indeed, it is perhaps what many lawyers would consider a classic or “textbook” Inheritance Act claim.

A devoted and long-suffering wife and mother is disinherited by her own husband who wished to pass on his estate exclusively to his male heirs, and is then awarded half of the estate by a judge who adopts the divorce standard.

I think that this case shows that, while people do certainly have "testamentary freedom" to leave gifts to whoever they want in their will, that must be balanced against a society which, quite rightly, stands against very obvious injustice and inequality.

Disparity often doesnt come about through different choices. People have different health needs, get different jobs, have different partners

And actually this disparity has come about through different choices, your choices, your choice to have a child with one person and then another with another. Nothing wrong with that actually, its human, its been the case for thousands of years or however long humans have been around
However there is no pain to be had here, someone else said you need to look at why this has affected you emotionally so disproportionately to the situation, what on earth is going on in your mind that this is so much drama

How much are we talking? Tens of thousands? Hundreds of thousands? A million?

Surely not telling the older son will do damage long term. When he sees his younger brother go on unlimited luxury holidays and buy a £2million house cash he would question where the money has come from?

This is just another part of being a blended family.

It was always going to be a possibility that when one family has money and the other doesn’t that one child will get inheritance and one not.

You need to treat your children the same. Their families get to treat them how they want.

Seems to be a bit of a theme on here of mums marrying a man who has/his family has more money then her first Borns as well as then wanting to be involved in their grandchild’s life more than the first Borns family and it always causing issues for the mum.

So you have misunderstood. His cousins have not inherited these people's money because they are not his cousins.

Pink39tree

I agree but apparently it’s only for my younger child to talk about.

Same with nephew and his sisters.