One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

Sadly there's nothing you can do. They obviously didn't see your elder child as part of the family.

How old was dc1 when you met your current partner?

How old are your children. Will your younger DS give some to his older brother do you think?

Mils brother sounds horribly sexist. I wonder what the families with daughters as well as sons feel about it. They are in a similar situation to you with ds1.

unfortunately there’s nothing you can do but it’s sad for your ds1. Are there any members of ds1 biological family who he might inherit from in future?

Oh that’s tricky! To be fair to your MIL, her skipping a generation may be more about avoiding two lots of potential tax etc, rather than avoiding your (existing, different dad?) older child. The half brother thing with the male heirs is very peculiar though!

I know you said you can’t make up the amounts, but it would be perfectly acceptable to address this with your own will and make up whatever difference you can - and of course be very open with them both about what you are doing

Is the son who has inherited their blood relation and your elder son from another relationship? (Sorry if this is in the post- I couldn't quite grasp it.)

It’s difficult but same will be true for my 3 children. Eldest has a different father - youngest will benefit for their grandmothers large estate. Only thing I can do is leave my house to DS1 only, DS2 and DD will be fine with this, and as he won’t have DC, likelihood is he will pass to his younger siblings anyway (he is 16yrs older). It is what it is, and I am not going to feel guilty. I am separated from father of DS2 and DD so I certainly won’t be benefitting either from that side of the family.

Your older child wasn't her grandchild, and has his own paternal family to inherit from. He won't have counted as a male member of the family, because in terms of bloodlines he isn't.

Your partner isn't your older son's biological father ? He doesn't have to leave him anything at all but intends to?
I don't think you are reasonable to think your partner should in some way be responsible for evening out the balance. That's just life, I'm sorry.

What can you do about it? You could choose to distribute your own assets differently between your two sons.

This happened in my family, one family had four kids only two of whom were the genetic kids of the son who had predeceased. All the beneficiaries agreed to sign a deed of amendment to redistribute. Might not be what a lot of people agree with but felt right to us. That was decided by the adults though, I've never asked the two youngest whether they felt cheated.

Sorry, just to be clear, you tried to convince your partner to change his will and leave more money to his step child than his biological dc? That is pretty nuts if so.

Your family is blended but your kids do not have one family. They have two. Personally, I think they should inherit equally from your household, given the older won’t inherit from his dad, but it’s fair enough if grandparents want to leave money for their biological grandkids only.

The only option is to leave your assets to your oldest only. Would you though?

if not, no point dwelling just accept they have an uneven playing field and life is inherently unfair.

I couldn’t get worked up over this.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

It's always going to be the case when you choose different fathers for them. They might have different health outlines due to genetics, or different personalities and intellect due to their fathers. All sorts of things could give them vastly different lives. Thankfully this is just money.

Your MIL was right to do as she did. Your eldest DC could have inherited some of the money, gone on to get married, got divorced and it end up having to be shared between him and his ex. Expecting a child who isn’t related to you to inherit from you is poor.

Is your partner your husband? What do your wills currently say? You could just amend your will so that your estate goes only to your older son to level the playing field between them. You don't have to discuss the contents of your will with your partner but I'd let the children know, and the reasons for it.

Your younger DC might decide to share their inheritance with their older sibling.

This is blended families. No-one has been unreasonable here.

Also I think if you want to leave your whole portion of your assets to your elder DC to try to even it out, that’s up to you, but you shouldn’t be demanding your DH does the same.

Shit that sucks. Sorry OP. No advice really but I too would want to even that up. Hopefully your son would too so there won’t be any hard feelings.

Sorry, just to be clear, you tried to convince your partner to change his will and leave more money to his step child than his biological dc? That is pretty nuts if so.

Yes, that's not reasonable. You can leave what you want to whoever you like in your will, but you can't control his!

I know it's hard for you to see this but I think you should have maybe foreseen this a little bit. These are not your oldest son's family , it was always unlikely that your oldest son would inherit from them. Did you genuinely not foresee that.
I think your best bet is to hope your younger son does something for his older brother.

A deed of variation legally cannot be done that decreases the inheritance of a minor.

I think part of coming to terms with this is to accept your part in it. You had two children with two different dads. They therefore inevitably have different life experiences (e.g. DS2 has grown up with his dad in the same household). You can't really expect the whole world to bend to make their experiences as similar as possible.

To share a similar-ish situation from my own life. DS's dad is an idiot - we split up when DS was very young. His idiocy has created all sorts of problems for me and for DS. Does that drive me mad? Yes. Do I also take responsibility for having a child with an idiot? Yes.

Another thing to bear in mind is that many people get no inheritance at all - your elder DS is on the property ladder and on track to inherit from you. So while of course it must sting that his brother is so much better off, he himself is vastly better off than many.

Can you pay into an insurance policy and make your eldest sole beneficiary?

I don’t think it is unreasonable depending on the amount being inherited. OP and her husband might not even be able to match the amount anyway!

The older generations have a lot of wealth.

There’s nothing you can do so you have to let it go.

Leaving money only to males is horrible, but leaving money to grandchildren is a nice thing to do. Doesn’t your husband see his child and his siblings children as individuals? His siblings won’t see any more benefit from their Mums legacy than he will, so I find his attitude on this weird. Most people would be thankful their child is set up.

You need to try and see other perspectives on this. It was always going to be a possibility when you gave your eldest a step family.

Just be more generous to your son from your previous marriage in your own will
.

My partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father.
He has absolutely no say in what you do with your will