Do you expect other women to agree with you when you talk about the plight of women ?

[amijust]

And what do you think about the ones that just stay silent ? Every time it comes up ?

Just wondering, as I've noticed someone in my life is always entirely silent when these convos come up.

How would you feel about someone like that ?

A couple of examples that have come up :

• mental load being all on the woman a lot.

• housework being a woman's problem a lot to the time.

• at work, taking maternity leave and having kids often hurts a woman's career.

• working from home, isn't good for women as a whole because it means a lot to women pick up even more housework and tend to work from home more to ferry kids around, this in turn hurts their careers etc.

• being the default parent.

• workplaces not being set up for parents in general.

• women's health problems being largely ignored. Women being told to suck up extreme period pain for example.

• when women show emotion, being branded as hysterical etc etc

These are just some conversations that have come up around another woman I know ( no kids yet ). Other women have agreed / disagreed or engaged on the topics. This person stays entirely silent.

OP expecting her to always agree with you isn't the same as being a decent person.

As a childless woman, it goes the other way too. I talk about the stresses I have and I get told "it's nothing compared to being a mum, just you wait".

Maybe she says nothing because her experience is so much worse than anything you’ve talked about: FGM; violence and addiction, maybe she would live if it was ‘only’ doing all the housework and picking up the mental load.

I would never ever ever say that to anyone. Never and if anyone even tries to insinuate that people with no children or at different life stages have no stresses, I stick up for the person at the different life stage.

Everyone's stresses are relative to them.

@DoIEver you can add whatever you like to it. Anyone can.

could it be she thinks you are judgemental if she doesn't agree with your agenda @amijust, so prefers to keep her own counsel?

Maybe worthwhile to reflect.

But, OP, you're expecting her to sit there and say you've got it so tough - why?

But then you're smug or lucky. You really can't win.

@amijust taking a closer look at the examples given in your OP, a lot of them apply to the domestic setting, so perhaps you feel the way you do, because you've got a crap husband? Maybe she bites her lip out of politeness.

The majority of your list is heavily related to being a mother / parent though. Before I had my children I didn’t tend to add my thoughts to conversations around raising children, because I had nothing to add. As soon as she comments something, those who don’t agree with her would be thinking ‘what do you even know’.

But to answer your original question, if someone was never contributing to a certain topic of conversation, I’d just assume it wasn’t particularly interesting to them. I wouldn’t think anything ‘about’ them.

I agree OP. I can't stand it when anyone (male or female, kids or no kids) doesn't agree with my opinions 100% of the time and doesn't want to engage with topics I want to discuss.

Agree. That attitude really pisses me off, the “you don’t know stress until you have children” one. I say that as a mum.

I feel quite strongly about the issues the op mentions but also feel strongly about the casual belittlement of the lives of people who don’t have children, yet/ever.

It's not an issue to disagree although most women in real life would absolutely not disagree that these things suck and a lot of women are in these situations unfortunately.

Your idea that “most women” wouldn’t disagree is quite telling. Many, many women would disagree with your points based on their experience. I don’t feel disadvantaged in my career having children, others do. I do carry what could be called a heavy mental load, but I don’t feel oppressed or disadvantaged by that. I think that women get a bit of a free ride in some cases, and not in others. So I’d probably keep quiet in your discussions because I can’t be arsed with oppression Olympics.

Thanks OP because I don’t agree with your assessment I must be like your staying silent friend and therefore not be a decent person.

“It's not that hard to just be a decent person”

I’m plenty decent thank you, my specific paid job, voluntary work I do as well and family commitments mean I need plenty of empathy and understanding. In fact being a decent person very much involves understanding that others think and act differently to me and that I don’t judge them for it.

If I had a friend that was often talking about the plight of women I'd probably switch off. I've been female for 50 years and really not experienced many problems. I've had a good life, I love being a woman. Don't get me wrong - I'm not blind to all the injustices women face. Not at all. I just suppose it's not something I dwell on. I've experienced a couple of things in your list. For example, I most definitely have the mental load compared to DH. However, DH is also the main breadwinner so he has the stress of supporting the family, paying the bills etc. I work too but he earns a lot more. So yes, I have the mental load but DH also doesn't exactly have an easy life. I certainly don't think I have a more difficult life than DH because I'm a woman.

But surely you can understand somewhere that some women struggle, even if you don't and it's common decency to just nod along sometimes isn't it. Or show some sort of empathy. But obviously not for anyone on here then.

I agree with what you say but sometimes I don't have the headspace for that kind of conversation. And if I agree with it, why would I say very much anyway, why would I need to?

Just say what you really think about this woman, OP.

Honestly, the way you're skirting around the issue, trying to be "reasonable" about "fair" about her, trying to define what constitutes a 'decent' conversation: if I were having lunch at work with you I would stay silent because I just can't be bothered engaging with your type. It's not worth it, it's boring, you're only after one thing and I have no interest in providing it to you. Don't think she doesn't want to engage with the ideas; she probably just doesn't want to engage with you.

Plight of women??? I wish this woe is me stuff would stop.

Maybe she's a listener, some people are.

Or maybe she can't get a word in edgeways.

Yeah sometimes not engaging is fine. Every time not engaging is not great.

‘oppression Olympics’

🤣