AIBU to feel a little upset no-one has asked about my love life since separation/divorce

[Oodiks]

I was 39 when we got together, and I'll be 60 this year, but people say I look younger and it's starting to bother me that no-one ever asks if I'm seeing anyone, thinking about seeing anyone, interested in seeing someone...

Is almost 60 just too old to bother?

YABU - Of course you're too old to bother with 'dating' and all that...
YANBU - Of course you're not too old to find romance again...

Are you getting much action?

Absolutely none, but that's not the point

The voting options aren’t fair.

How long have you been divorced? I’ve been divorced, plenty of friends and family have too, I wouldn’t pry into something like this and would wait to be told if they were seeing anyone.

If you aren’t but wish you were wouldn’t you feel sad or offended to have people asking you?

Why should people ask about your love life after your divorce?

It's nothing to do with anyone else. And quite honestly, I doubt that anyone cares about how much shagging someone else is doing!

And your poll questions don't match up with the question in your opening post! You ask 'AIBU to be upset no-one has asked about my love life since my divorce' in your title and opening post, but then ask 'AIBU to be dating at my age?'

.

I wouldn’t want to ask an acquaintance what is going on in their love lives. I trust my friends and family would tell me when they are comfortable telling me and when there is something to tell (which is doesn’t seem like there is).

I don’t think anyone is going to ask that question first without you hinting the situation to them regardless of age, if you’re close enough to people to discuss it, they assume you’d tell them “oh I’ve started dating” “oh I’m looking to start dating”

People aren’t asking because a lot of people would find that intrusive and maybe upsetting not because they don’t think it’s possible. I can just picture the Mumsnet thread “Why do people think it’s OK to ask personal questions about my love life?”

I’m the same age and I would absolutely hate people asking if I’m seeing anyone. And it’s not a question I’d ever ask my similar age single friends.

I think if anyone wants to tell you who they’re seeing, they will volunteer that when they’re ready.

I don't know why people aren't asking you, but of course you're not too old if that's what you want to do. You don't need anyone else's permission.

I have the opposite problem, people constantly trying to get me on the apps etc when I feel like I never want to touch another man with a bargepole in my life.

I don’t think you should ask younger people if they’re seeing anyone either. That’s information to be volunteered not enquired into.

Exactly this.

You're not too old to date if you want to, but you're old enough for people to not bother you anymore with stupid questions that are none of their business. I'd take that as a win.

I don't know why you're equating people not asking about your personal love life, with possibly being too old to date?

Have you had many dates?

Are you actively looking for a partner and if so, have you told those closest to you?

I don't think it is an age thing, I think people assume you would volunteer the information if you wanted them to know.

Nobody asks me about my private life, and I would find it intrusive if people started (I'm mid-40s).

I'd be furious if people started asking me about my love life. At the very least,
I'd see them as uncouth/lacking in manners. Surely most people with good social skills don't want to pry around a sensitive topic these days?

If you want to date, date. You don't need anyone's approval or permission. And you can bring it up in conversation if you want to.

So here's a weird thing. Summer before last, my ex had to come to my house to pick up some of his stuff, so I asked my aunts to be there as I didn't want to be alone with him. I didn't let him into the house, but the aunts went and talked to him and one of them asked him whether he was seeing anyone...?!

Oookaaay... ?

I'm 40 and nobody has asked me that since exh left a year ago 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why would they ask him and not me?

Do you want to? I find it weirdly fascinating that women who have divorced after lengthy marriages still want to give it another go. A triumph of hope over experience.

To answer your sort of question, TBH I don't think people really care what others do, they're too self absorbed.

I feel a bit like this too OP. I’m separated (although it’s quite early days - a few months) and nobody ever asks me either. I feel sensitive about it sometimes, like everyone thinks there’s no chance of me meeting anyone because I’m not enough. In reality, I think they just don’t want to be nosey/insensitive. You’re definitely not too old, a lot can change in a short space of time can’t it. You go for it girl x

Because they are your aunts and know you well and can see with their own eyes that you aren't dating?!

It wasn't a particularly lengthy marriage. We got together in 2005, I had our daughter in 2006, we got married in 2011, and separated in 2021, so 16/17 years together and 10 years married.

I only stayed because I was desperate to keep my 'family' together, our relationship had been on the rocks since around the time of the wedding.

Why is that weird? Isn't that more about your aunts being nosey about your ex? It's not that they're expressing a healthy and friendly interest in his love life. They just knew him as your partner and now it's a bit of goss if he's got someone else. That's not the same thing that you'd ask a niece. Presumably if you had a partner of any importance you'd have told them and they'd be aware of your relationship without having to cross examine you.

Besides, that's only one question from two years ago. It's not like everyone else is being asked and not you, and you've said you're not seeing one anyway so there's no prompt to ask you. If you were dating and wanted to talk about it you'd probably say so, so people would assume. It's too much of a minefield to ask otherwise. My mum asked my aunt something similar in their 60s and got an abrupt answer about vaginal atrophy so wished she'd not asked!

Not really. It's not like they see me every day, so they have no idea what I'm up to when they're not around.