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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a little upset no-one has asked about my love life since separation/divorce

90 replies

Oodiks · 09/01/2025 23:21

I was 39 when we got together, and I'll be 60 this year, but people say I look younger and it's starting to bother me that no-one ever asks if I'm seeing anyone, thinking about seeing anyone, interested in seeing someone...

Is almost 60 just too old to bother?

YABU - Of course you're too old to bother with 'dating' and all that...
YANBU - Of course you're not too old to find romance again...

OP posts:
Original poster
Oodiks · 09/01/2025 23:48

pinkdelight · 09/01/2025 23:45

Why is that weird? Isn't that more about your aunts being nosey about your ex? It's not that they're expressing a healthy and friendly interest in his love life. They just knew him as your partner and now it's a bit of goss if he's got someone else. That's not the same thing that you'd ask a niece. Presumably if you had a partner of any importance you'd have told them and they'd be aware of your relationship without having to cross examine you.

Besides, that's only one question from two years ago. It's not like everyone else is being asked and not you, and you've said you're not seeing one anyway so there's no prompt to ask you. If you were dating and wanted to talk about it you'd probably say so, so people would assume. It's too much of a minefield to ask otherwise. My mum asked my aunt something similar in their 60s and got an abrupt answer about vaginal atrophy so wished she'd not asked!

Show quote history

I don't know what was up with your aunt, but vaginal atrophy isn't the problem here! I had a nurse practitioner bring that up and I was surprised, she was like, come back when you need something to help with that...

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 09/01/2025 23:51

I have two friends : one is divorced and one is widowed ..about 10 years.. Both 60 recently. I would never ask either one if they were seeing anyone. But recently my widowed friend was telling us a man from her hobby group had asked her out. We were on it in a flash; encouraging her/ wanting all the details..full on! But we would never have introduced the subject. So don't take it personal..its out of respect for your privacy.

rainbowlou · 09/01/2025 23:53

I’ve never asked anyone about their love life! I would have no idea if it is a sensitive subject for them. If someone wanted to share I would obviously be polite and show interest but ultimately it’s not my business.

pizzaHeart · 10/01/2025 00:01

Maybe something indicated them that ex seeing someone like he had a photo on mobile phone so they asked.
Or maybe they hoped to get you back together so checked with him if he seeing someone.
Or he told them then he’s going out afterwards with a friend they were curious and asked him.

I don’t know why they didn’t ask you. They are your aunts. Some people don’t invite asking them questions, maybe it’s you.
Or maybe they know all about your life from your parent - my mim used to overshare with my aunt excessively.

TheyCantBurnUsAll · 10/01/2025 00:14

Possibly they don't want to upset you.

My grandmother was widowed three times. She married her third husband in her 80s. I think that's awesome and if you want to date you are never too old!

tattychicken · 10/01/2025 07:14

I think your Aunts didn't care if they upset your ex. Maybe they asked as they thought him dating might impact you and/or your children, so were looking out for you.

They hold you in higher regard and care for you so don't want to ask as it could be seen as intrusive.

Maybe mention to them that you are thinking of dipping your toes in the water with regard to dating and see how they respond. I think they would see that as the green light for open discussions on the subject.

And also, I think it has little to do with your age. I wouldn't ask that question to someone half your age after a divorce and would wait for them to bring it up themselves.

Pinkyponkz · 10/01/2025 07:16

Kindly, I think people are just focusing on their own lives especially atm given cost of living, lots of poor health, people not affording their rent etc… I’m sure it isn’t personal

Youhaveyourhandsfull · 10/01/2025 07:35

I'm sure you could find a relationship/sex if that's something you want (and understandable, 60 isn't old at all in my view) but can understand why people don't ask as it really can only come across as a bit rude surely? Or awkward?

GreyCarpet · 10/01/2025 07:40

I think you may be overthinking it a little, OP.

I divorced at 37. No one really asked me if I was seeing anyone but several people suggested that I should so that I could have more children. Someone did suggest I didn't need a relationship as I already had children but a 'companion' might be nice for going on walks with... having children/wanting more children seemed to feature quite heavily tbh.

I suspect people have just learnt by 60 that it's none of their business. I think that's the only way age could come into this.

If they are close friends/relatives, I suspect they'd just assume you'd tell them if you were seeing someone and they don't want to intrude.

I'm 50 and have a few friends in their late 50s/early 60s. Many of them have started new relationships within the last 2 or 3 years and are still active socially (which is how I met them).

I wonder if this is more to do with how you feel about dating again at nearly 60? Do you have thoughts about whether you're 'too old' to start dating and again and have you seen their lack of questioning as a confirmation that you might be? Because I can't really think of any other reason why you'd even have noticed otherwise.

TorroFerney · 10/01/2025 07:41

It’s like when adults ask children if they have a boyfriend/ girlfriend. Intrusive in my opinion. Surely you’d tell them?

BooberFraggle · 10/01/2025 07:45

rainbowlou · 09/01/2025 23:53

I’ve never asked anyone about their love life! I would have no idea if it is a sensitive subject for them. If someone wanted to share I would obviously be polite and show interest but ultimately it’s not my business.

This exactly. I’d wait for them to initiate any conversation.

but no, you are not too old. If you want to be seeing someone are you doing anything proactive about that? Do you want suggestions regarding OLD, etc?

BarbaraHoward · 10/01/2025 07:46

I'd never ask someone who's been through the breakup of a long-term relationship if they're dating again. But if they said they were or even if they said they were thinking about it I'd be cheering them on.

Beezknees · 10/01/2025 07:47

I wouldn't ask anyone about their love life, regardless of their age. I'm 35 and single (because I want to be) and I dislike people asking if I'm seeing anyone, because there is an assumption that being single is bad and everyone is trying to meet somebody. I don't like that.

I have a friend who is the same age as me, also single and she does want to meet somebody and have a family, but she hasn't had much luck. She gets upset when asked if she's met someone yet as she feels time is running out for her to have children.

If my friends want to tell me about their love lives of course I'll be happy to chat about it but I wouldn't ask. You never know how people feel about it.

soundofheat · 10/01/2025 07:48

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XWKD · 10/01/2025 07:50

I wouldn't ask anyone. If they brought it up first I'd be interested.

soundofheat · 10/01/2025 07:52

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soundofheat · 10/01/2025 07:54

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MeanderingGently · 10/01/2025 07:55

What a strange view! I'm in my 60s, divorced, been on my own for many years. I don't expect anyone to ask me whether I'm seeing anyone, however close to me they are. It's none of their business....if I want to tell anyone, I will, without having to be asked.

If you want to change your own situation and date someone, only you can do that. Feel free to do so and get yourself out there.

If that's not the issue and not part of your question, well, as others have said, people don't want to intrude by asking such personal questions. And most aren't bothered enough to ask anyway.

Does it actually matter?

daisydaughter · 10/01/2025 07:56

You are not too old to date, but yabu to expect to be asked about it.

GreyCarpet · 10/01/2025 07:59

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Well perhaps her ex is an arsehole who she knew would behave in front of others or she just wanted a bit of emotional support. Is there an age limit on having feelings?

Snowmanscarf · 10/01/2025 08:00

It’s not something I would ask people.

You also ask if nearly 60 is too old to bother. Lots of people start new relationships in their fifties onwards (and friends of ours have just married and are in their fifties).

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 10/01/2025 08:02

If someone wants to tell me they are seeing someone I assume they will.

You're not too old to date but you are too old to be whining about this.

YeGodsandLittleFishies · 10/01/2025 08:02

I wouldn’t ask any divorced person that question regardless of sex or age.

Your Aunt was rude to a man she presumably doesn’t like very much.

PigInAHouse · 10/01/2025 08:03

Another one who doesn’t ask anyone about their love life. I assume if they want to share then they will.
As to why they asked your ex but haven’t asked you, how would anyone except your aunts know the answer to that?

Fuhjutvb · 10/01/2025 08:04

I'm early 40's. I had a bad break up last year. Noone asks me about my love live either. For a while people would suggest online daring I shot that down pretty quick. I think it was because I was very sad for a while. They thought dating would cheer me up. What I needed was to clear my head and adjust to life on my own. Now I'm happy all the time and getting on with my life noone asks. There not trying to help me fill a void. I think they know I will give them any updates.