AIBU to feel a little upset no-one has asked about my love life since separation/divorce

[Oodiks]

I was 39 when we got together, and I'll be 60 this year, but people say I look younger and it's starting to bother me that no-one ever asks if I'm seeing anyone, thinking about seeing anyone, interested in seeing someone...

Is almost 60 just too old to bother?

YABU - Of course you're too old to bother with 'dating' and all that...
YANBU - Of course you're not too old to find romance again...

I was widowed at 60 - not quite the same, I know, but I wouldn't expect anyone to be nosey enough to ask about my love life at any age. I found it tedious when it happened when I was a teenager.

I would never ask a friend about their love life (whether they were 20 or 70), unless I knew for certain they were seeing someone. I think it's quite unpleasant to ask someone you think is single "How's your love life?". It feels like a judgement. Like it's somehow wrong or sad not be getting any action.
If, however, my friend told me they were seeing someone, then I'd ask how it was going.

Ask her.

I wouldn't want to know what someone was getting up to, very unladylike to ask.

Maybe because sometimes people can be sensitive if they are single and don't want to be? They probably assume you'd tell them if there was anything to tell

What? Im 62 and I wouldn't appreciate anybody asking me about my love life.
It's surely not the kind of thing you go around asking people 😂

😂😂😂

Possibly people think they’re overstepping by asking op. If my dm (she’s a bit older than you granted) became single I wouldn’t assume she was interested in dating again.

If you’ve recently separated people may think your grieving the relationship and it’s too soon.

OP, I know someone in your position and have thought of asking why they aren't in a relationship but have been too chicken in case they think I'm interested! 😂

P.S. You're never too old to find someone!

Maybe they don't respect him very much and had no compunction about it making him feel a bit uncomfortable but they care for you too much to ask the same of you. It's really quite a personal question and asking could make you feel uncomfortable for a whole range of reasons. It's a bit like asking a married childless couple, "Do you not want kids then?" when in fact they've had the pain of multiple cycles of unsuccessful IVF or successive miscarriages.

I wouldn’t ask because I get pissed off with people always asking me, and me having to share my private dating info, it’s no one’s business!
If you want to share, share, but to expect to be asked about it is odd tbh!

This. I wouldnt ask someone about their love life if I knew they had got divorced - it implies they should be out dating again and they might not be ready for that which could be hurtful and intrusive.

I would be happy to discuss it with them if they brought it up but YABU to be annoyed that people arent asking you what could be very intrusive questions for many. When I was single I used to hate people asking "have you met someone yet?" - it was really irritating.

Oh, and of course you can date at your age, lots of people do.

Asking someone about their love life unbidden is rude, in my opinion. If you're single, there's no appropriate honest answer. Do you really want to hear either "just fine, I'm cheerfully working my way through Tinder for daily one-night stands" or "actually, it's been a six-year drought and I'm going insane with the mixture of horniness and self-loathing"? No, you do not. And you do not want to put someone in the position of having to answer.

That goes for anyone at any stage of life but especially someone who's just divorced, when I imagine it's an even more sensitive topic than usual.

"How's your love life" is both judgmental and meddling. If you want to talk about it, it's on you to bring it up first. Usually the green-light signal that it's an open topic of discussion is that you discuss dating in the abstract, and if someone wants to bring their personal life into it they can.

Unless I was a very very close friend with someone, I wouldn’t dare to ask about their love life at a certain point. People consider the most basic questions highly intrusive these days. Friends might be worried to imply you’re lesser than if you don’t have a man, or assume you don’t want it etc etc. Mention it yourself if you want to talk about it.

I'm 53, youngest in a large friendship group of single women up to the age of mid 70s. Divorced, widowed, never married. Just a coincidence that we're all single.

No one, not a single one of us, has ever discussed if we're dating or seeing anyone. Not in the 6yrs I've known them all. We have far more interesting things to chat about!

They are highly personal questions and unless someone volunteers information on the subject, e.g. I'm thinking of dating again or I've been talking to someone etc. people would generally shy away from those questions.

Ha! If it's women not asking you, it's maybe because they presume/outright know that you're better off not bothering in the current dating climate 😅

I'm 20+ years your junior and no one asks me either. Because I have enough on my plate already and my friends are probably relieved I'm off the merry go round of shit relationships and situations for the first time in my life. I am free. No cock, golden or otherwise, is worth disrupting that, and they know it.

I voted by accident. Neither of your choices describes my opinion. They probably don’t ask about your love life because it’s not their business. Of course you are not too old.

I wouldn't dream of asking single friends about their love lives in case it upsets them, whatever age they are. I always work on the basis that they'll tell me if they're seeing someone without me nosing around.

I'm newly divorced, approaching 60, & people keep asking & assuming I must be looking for a partner. I just got rid of one annoying partner why would I rush to get another?

If asking intrusive questions about people’s private lives is normal and desirable behaviour in your opinion, can I point out that you are unusual in this respect, and suggest that you don’t do it to others?

Maybe others aren’t too interested in your love life.

This!

It’s unreasonable you are expecting people to just ask you about it, but are not doing anything about it yourself.

My MIL was widowed and when she felt ready she got herself on an age appropriate dating site and connected with her now husband. They have a beautiful relationship. Why does it matter what other people think, or ask you, about your ability to find someone? If you want to find someone, get yourself out there. That’s the only way it will happen.