To cut this "friend" off?

[JustifiedHussy]

NC for this.

Im going to use friend lightly in this as im beginning to think this person isn't actually my friend at all. However I don't know if I'm being abit sensitive as it's just been one thing after another today.

I was invited out for lunch today by a "friend". As soon as we met up, they kept pushing for me to say i would pay for the food by saying they had paid for my birthday meal last time we were out so it was my turn. I simply said I wasn't the person who asked to come out and I was either happy to pay for myself or just go home. (I'm skint, on mat leave and dont get paid until Fri).

After lunch we went for a walk where they started bringing up situations from my past. It started with "i saw x the other day, he's aged, said he saw you a few days ago with baby and he's sad you've moved on since the RO". I just said "that's nice" and changed the subject. They then carried on their coversation and said things like "you know I've always loved you, even when you were a psycho 17/18yo", "there's no psycho quite like you" etc.

I have alot of childhood/relationship trauma which this friend knows about. They also know the amount of effort I have put in to my self and my own mental health in order to healthily deal with the shitty early life I was dealt.

I don't know what to do. Have I overreacted? AIBU to tell them to Foff and go NC?

*edited to correct a punctuation error

Yeah. You're not overreacting - I'd let go of the friendship.

She's no friend of yours.

Walk away. But tell her to get fucked first.

Do you want someone like that near your baby?

Please tell them to F off and refer to her behaviour today specifically so she knows . She sounds awful

That's not a friend. Avoid, ignore in future. It sounds as if they want to feel good themself by putting you down in their passive aggressive manner.

Do you want someone like that near your baby?

No i don't, nor do I want my baby growing up being forced to constantly live in or be poisoned by my past. I'm used to the stigma of being abused and being in a care system as a child but I do not want that ever to have any influence on my child, especially when I've worked so hard to give myself and them a better life.

I would not consider this a friendship as a real friend would not keep reminding you of a time you have moved on from - unless it makes them feel superior to do so.

Get away from this person. YANBU.

I just don't understand why they invited me out today. It was clear from the second i got there that there was more to the invite than I was originally led to believe. I haven't really had anything to do with them since my birthday in November (there was issues then too).

Wow, what a horrible person they are! Of course you're not being unreasonable - you'd be being unreasonable if you ever spoke to them again.

It sounds as though they invited you out so that you'd pay for their lunch.

I'd just not bother with her again. It sounds like she was pissed off that she didn't get her free meal (which was a weird and cheeky suggestion!) so was having little digs at you. Not nice.

That's not a friend. It's someone who wants to make you feel bad, that's an enemy! Block, move on.

I suspect she has always been this way and you're the one that's changed (ina good way).

Do you now have a nicer standard of living for yourself and your baby than what you and her were brought up with? If yes, then perhaps she sees you in a posher class and hopes you'll pay for stuff she cant afford and puts you down to feel better?

Eta- she obviously isn't thinking about it from your angle of being skinning maternity, she probably just thinks you and DH have a stable relationship, own your own home and have a baby and therefore are adults so you can afford to treat her, without thinking that through.

Is this a one off out of character thing? If so and they had previously been a good friend then I would give them the benefit of the doubt and ask them outright what this was all about.

@BeensOnToost I wouldn't say I'm posher class i just have a normal life right now. I rent, I'm a lone parent, don't drive, etc so I wouldn't say I have an life to be envied or that would say I'm rolling in money (I'm careful but comfortable financially to be able to survive).

The only difference is (i think) is that i have a stable job, though I'm on ML atm, and I now have firm boundaries in place. I will now voice an objection or opinion to something im uncomfortable with and no longer sit and take it or react (that's where they get the psycho label from).

It's sad when you realise that a long standing friendship has somehow moved on to a situation where the other person is trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down. Best solution is a slow fade. Just be unavailable for the next few times they contact you and don't contact them at all. You have the perfect excuse as you are busy with a DC. Over time, they will get fed up with being the one doing the contacting and will stop bothering you. They are not your friend so I'd avoid having contact with them, but there is no need to make an enemy of them as you were once friends and it sounds as though they may have some issues of their own. Just think of them as an acquaintance now that you would say hello to if you passed them in the street, but would not stop and have a chat with. Keep them away from your DC.

They sound like they were trying to provoke a response - reading a bit between the lines it sounds like they don't like that you have moved on from the past and made positive changes. They had a cheek asking you to pay when they were the one inviting you. It sounds like you have plenty of reasons to drop the 'friendship' but you don't actually need a reason - if you don't want to see them again you don't have to.

I bet the friend is male (haven't rtft)

It's not really a new, one off thing. For example, on my birthday they dipped my baby's dummy in their pint and was going to put it in DC's mouth before I grabbed it. They said i was disgusting for having it in the pram and had done that so i would throw the dummy away. Called me dirty. And when I said I was struggling with BF so had started to introduce formula and said i was clearly going to end up neglectful like my own parents. I called them out on the above, aswell as some other comments made, and was again called a psycho.

Absolutely nothing you've written about this person suggests they are a friend. Not one word.
Block and move on without that negativity on your life.

Exactly this. You don't need friends like her.

What’s the RO??

Anyway- this person is toxic. Non friend. Dump.

That sounds very energy sapping and there were a whole lot of lines crossed about your past to boot.

I’ve cut 2 people off for those behaviours because they were also the type not to be able to handle conversations if you raised these kinds of issues.

Do what you feel is right for you

RO- Restraining Order.