To cut this "friend" off?

[JustifiedHussy]

NC for this.

Im going to use friend lightly in this as im beginning to think this person isn't actually my friend at all. However I don't know if I'm being abit sensitive as it's just been one thing after another today.

I was invited out for lunch today by a "friend". As soon as we met up, they kept pushing for me to say i would pay for the food by saying they had paid for my birthday meal last time we were out so it was my turn. I simply said I wasn't the person who asked to come out and I was either happy to pay for myself or just go home. (I'm skint, on mat leave and dont get paid until Fri).

After lunch we went for a walk where they started bringing up situations from my past. It started with "i saw x the other day, he's aged, said he saw you a few days ago with baby and he's sad you've moved on since the RO". I just said "that's nice" and changed the subject. They then carried on their coversation and said things like "you know I've always loved you, even when you were a psycho 17/18yo", "there's no psycho quite like you" etc.

I have alot of childhood/relationship trauma which this friend knows about. They also know the amount of effort I have put in to my self and my own mental health in order to healthily deal with the shitty early life I was dealt.

I don't know what to do. Have I overreacted? AIBU to tell them to Foff and go NC?

*edited to correct a punctuation error

The more you write, the worse they sound. Drop the rope, OP. Fade away or go nuclear, your choice.

What an awful human being they are.

100% drop them

She tried to guilt trip you over someone who you got a restraining order against?

Called you dirty? And psycho?

I would never speak to her again, and block her on every social media so she can't give any info on you to anyone else.

You are doing really well for yourself, I think that you should be proud of how far you have come. Keep going with having strong boundaries. You don't need this toxic person in your life.

Get shot of this person, they are horrible.

Is he an ex?

I don’t understand why you want to be around someone you clearly don’t like and makes you feel like this.

Just stop meeting up with them, it’s not worth it.

Are you having sex with them?

@JustifiedHussy Is this a female friend or a male one? Sounds more like a male, from some of the things you have said. Is this an old boyfriend/baby Dad by any chance?

No the person is female. Not an old romantic flame of any sort, nothing sexual and nothing to do with my baby.

After reading all your updates, I think definitely go NC, They sound nasty and I think it might be good to break free from your past and not have such regular reminders of a time that possibly wasn’t great, make new friends and maybe keep your past ( or some of it) to yourself, sometimes people seem sympathetic when listening to other peoples problems but they often use those same problems against them at times in the future. Good Luck, new year, new beginnings

You are doing really well. You have set good boundaries and they seem to be pushing it. Possibly they are jealous of you holding everything together?! They don't sound supportive. Baby and toddler groups might be a good place to forge some new friendships. We had some nice church ones where older ladies came and made cups of tea and it was really nice and supportive.

Some friendships end and they should when they no longer make you feel good. This is one of them. You aren’t the same person you were when you made friends with her. Move on. Congrats on your stable world, hope you have a lovely mat leave.

Yes absolutely get rid. But since it sounds as though this person has a nasty edge, I would archive and ignore rather than block (just to monitor their reaction) and then when enough time has passed fully block.

She sounds utterly toxic. What a horrible thing for her to say. You should cut her off completely.

They are toxic. Block and don’t see them again.

@JustifiedHussy you are right to keep away. They’re trying to push your boundaries by labelling you ‘psycho’. I’d go nc.

From the sound of it you have a very difficult early life that you have worked hard to distance yourself from.

Look to your future, not your past.

You don't need people in your life if they are stuck somewhere you no longer want to be.

I would do a slow fade and eventually block.

She wants to tear you down and put you in your place.

Dump the thick bitch, you never have to see or speak to her again!

They're not your friend.

She does not sound very nice.

When I had my baby, the people left in my life started treating me like this, including my mum and siblings

Before that, I had a few situations similar to this happen where so called friends would invite me out to just insult me and put me down. I never got why they'd invite me out, I was left heartbroken and confused.

With my family, they'd do stuff like put down my parenting and make comments about my baby and try to take her and take photos of her to send to said ex friends and bullies, when I said I wanted a clean break from them.

Its been almost 5 years since I've become estranged from them all. Can't believe it's gone so fast but all I am is grateful, op.

I wasn't a perfect person, but I wasn't horrible, cruel, a bully and didn't deserve their treatment of me.

And what's worse is, they felt they couldn't just say 'mumofone, this is our issue, we don't want you in our lives anymore' for 'fear of my reaction' but didn't fear my reaction to their bullying??

The decision has been made for you and this is the last time you need to see her or any of that group.

Take your baby and make a vow to cut these people off. Change your number etc and don't even bother engaging.

Even if you explain what happened, they will treat you like you're crazy. Leave it and move on.

Sorry for the long post, I've just been there and I can say that although I'm still alone, i feel okay. Not 100% but better and I know i made the right choice. ❤️☀️

It sounds like they've got a chip on their shoulder. If they're not usually like this I'd assume something's happened in their life.
The fact they paid for the meal last time, in normal circumstances would mean it was indeed your turn. But as you say, she invited you and you were skint. Plus she shouldn't pressure you about it anyway.
Maybe give her a wide berth. But it's definitely her, not you.

Remember how they have made you feel now so when they call you again you don't engage , block and delete .

I think your bar has probably been set too low due to past trauma etc. This is not a friend.

Omg this!!

After baby was born i noticed small things from some family members, like how they'd wait until I left the room before taking photos/engaging with baby, would wait until baby was tired and start talking really loud or playing so she would end up over tired and I'd be the one left to deal with it, informing my mother of things to do with me and DD, was told "you know where the door is" when I voiced a disagreement with anything.

It's awful how discreet but obvious it is. How it makes you feel that you are the problem and creating issues. Those family members were easy to cut off and I thought I was doing well in the process to slow fade this "friend" after the issues from my birthday. I don't know why I accepted the invite, maybe I was caught at a weak point or was taking it at face value and hoped it was some sort of olive branch.

Thankfully today (and this thread) has made me realise that these people don't change and I'm a pawn in something for their own gain.

Edited as it didn't quote @mumofoneAlonebutokay

Jesus that is absolutely horrendous behaviour I am so sorry you went through that. My family engaged in low level mistreatment of me my entire life so I know it can happen but that is awful behaviour.