Let down by sister

[Cosmos1982]

Im so upset and disappointed.
My sister is older than me and we have kids at either end of the scale- hers leaving/left home, mine primary/baby. She has never had a night away from her kids, she refused to start work at the contracted time in the mornings because she wanted to see her DS off to sch (at the time he was 17), so many examples like this. They come first before everything and everyone.

We live on other sides of the country and it’s hard to see each other (maybe once a year we manage).
We’ve been trying to plan to have a holiday with other family. Where we settled on is only about an hour or so away from my sister and so I texted her all enthusiastic saying that it would be amazing to see them at the same time, they could come and stay for a few nights, or do some day trips. It’s also around a big birthday of hers.
She replied saying it’s not possible for her to commit. DS has exams and she’s not the sort of person to celebrate birthdays. She thanked me for thinking of her, she did she’d try and work out a way of seeing us but can’t commit.
Im just so upset by this and at the end of my tether. Her DS will be 18 ffs. AIBU to think she could take a day trip to see us, not ‘try to’ but actually ‘yes that would be brill’?! Or even, shock horror, have a night away? It feels like she’s totally unbothered about seeing us. The thing is,
this isn’t the first time she has disappointed me with this kind of thing and it feels like every time I put myself out there, even when I’ve really needed her support, it’s not enough to leave her kids for even a day. Am I reacting too badly?

YABU her priorities are different to yours you need to stop judging her.

Year 13 is such a busy/important year it kind of overshadows everything else tbh. It's not just mock exams/actual exams but if they're looking into Universities then there's open days & UCAS application forms too plus the offer holder days after Christmas too. It's honestly relentless - think we took my DD to 8 uni open days then 4 offer holder days in the end. Even after Easter when they are on study leave they can be in and out of school for revision sessions (not all kids live near the school - my DS would have a 45 minute walk to his sch etc). Obviously they are 18 but after putting in so much effort & revision (we hope) we need to make sure they get to the exam on time etc. When my DD was year 13 I felt like a taxi driver plus constantly making sure we had nice healthy food in the house for her to eat whilst she revised & before/after the exams. She had 9 exams over a 3 week period. It was very intense tbh. I wouldn't have made plans to visit my sister either/invited guests over. I also wouldn't have wanted younger nephews/neices bringing bugs/germs into my house tbh during the exam period. Primary school kids are always poorly lol 😆

So you randomly booked a holiday an hour away from your sister and expect her to do day trips with you on your holiday? Even though you never consulted her or asked about dates that worked for her? If you really want to see her you need to ask her what works for her in terms of meeting up and take it from there. I don't see why she has to suddenly fit into your plans that you didn't even involve her with and which turns out to be really bad timing because her son is doing A levels. You sound very critical of her though so don't see why she would want to spend time with you.