DD and late night snack

[ChitterChatter1987]

DD is 7 nearly 8
She used to have snacks at bedtime but we stopped it some months back because it was delaying her going to sleep and keeping her up.
We only allow it now if she has barely eaten anything during the day or at tea so is understandably going to be hungry.
The other night she asked again for the fiest time in ages, and we agreed as she had barely had much tea or lunch.
I know if we agree once it's a slippery slope and can become a regular habit again, but didn't want to deny it as she hadn't eaten alot so felt unkind to do so.

Last night same thing happened, but as she had been sick (not bug just due to jumping around after tea) allowed it due to that but warned this would be the last night.

Tonight, after tea, reminded her of this again clearly stating she would not be getting a late night snack, and encouraging her to eat enough.She left alot of her jacket potato, tuna and cheese saying she was full, but did eat some.She also had a crunch corner yoghurt and an apple, and had a plate of snack food at her after school club too beforehand.

Tonight around 9pm she was moaning repeatedly about being hungry, that her stomach hurt etc (unsure if this was genuine or not).DH I think felt I was being abit mean being firm with her not allowing food when she said her stomach hurt (did give her a drink of water) but I feel like she had a warning about no snack tonight whilst there was a chance to eat, she had a reasonable amount of food late afternoon/early evening and at 9pm she needed to be settling down to sleep not eating. We don't want to push her to overeat, but it annoys me that a plate of good food (not something she dislikes) goes in the bin, then she wants a snack later on, as it's wasteful.

AIBU?

My 8 yo DD is allowed to make her own choices about her food intake. She’s offered a range of foods and there’s no required order for eating savoury/sweet or nutrient dense/low nutrient foods and she makes great choices based on her body. I have terrible eating habits and zero self control around food because my food was very regulated growing up and I was often hungry. If your DD wants a snack I’d say you should let her but you might choose to make it something like hot milk, a banana, cereal or toast so it’s filling. She might need to brush her teeth again depending on what she chooses. I do understand your point about wasting food as that annoys me as well, so I’ll often provide half portions to start and put the other half in the fridge, then I can add more if DD is still hungry at mealtimes or save some for the next day, or give it as the post dinner snack.

I was always completely relaxed about food and didn't mind if DDs wanted supper. They have always been good eaters (apart from naturally fussy pre-school phases) and neither have had weight or dental problems. I grew up having a couple of biscuits or toast and a milky drink at bed time.

Whatever you do, don't turn food into a battleground and let them eat to their measure. Give smaller portions so it doesn't faze her. The most important thing for kids is that they are really active and are not fed adult-sized portions.

Looks like you want her to go 12 hours or more without food. Introduce a supper something like toast or cereal with hot milk.
fromage frais isa waste of time doesn’t fill you up at all

So is her bedtime routine that soon after tea you send her upstairs on her own for a few hours until she falls asleep?

No one should be snacking before bed....

Another point - my son was under the incontinence team for bed wetting and as you said milk is no no - milk is classed as a food not a drink - does she drink a lot of milk through the day? This could also be filling her up?

Blackcurrent juice is also a diuretic, so steer clear of that, we were told with DS to drink more water for the bedwetting but throughout the day.

I would bring dinner forward to 5 rather than 6, give a supper/snack about 7 and start bedtime routine 7.30.

Hope you get somewhere with all this.

Tea 6pm or abit before, usually finish about 6.30- if it's a bath night (every other) it's straight up at half 6 for bath, if not her and younger sister play downstairs til 7.Then DH and i split off and do one each- change, brush teeth then short quiet play together (a board game or the like) and stories.We are usually done by 7.30-8 then 7yo DD can read/play with some toys in bed til 8.30 when it's time for lights out.

Thanks- yeah she does drink blackcurrant during the day but not teatime onwards (she has lemon or water) she doesn't have much milk really....sometimes abit for breakfast to drink or else apple juice.

Your idea makes sense of bringing tea earlier, and could look at doing that on a wed/thur/Fri as I don't work then but the other days would sometimes be hard as both me and DH wouldn't be home til at least 5 to even begin preparing it.

It's hard finding a time that suits everyone and so we can all eat together as a family....6 i guess i thought was a good middle ground for us not to need to snack later and not too late to crash into bedtimes....We can't make it later as youngest DD (3) would be too tired.

It's not the eating extra food that bothers me so much with DD having a snack later on, it's the fact of the whole process of once she has asked at say 9pm then preparing it, and her eating it delaying her getting to sleep for awhile; especially if there is then tooth brushing to do afterwards.
So she does really need to be eating it more like 7, 8 max for it not to be keeping her up too late.
Although if she has it then has a gap before sleep I wonder if it would give her a burst of energy?! Who knows 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Just feed both the kids at about 4.30/5 - they are usually hungry straight from school anyways. Sit with them with a cuppa.

Then offer them a bowl of porridge before bed. You and dh eat once they are tucked up, or with them at porridge time.

Also, she's starting to feel hunger at 9pm as she's awake. If she was asleep, she wouldn't wake from it. So I'd also look at working on her sleeping too.

We always tend to have some kind of supper before bed (DD8). Dinner tends to be 5.30 - 6 but she doesn't always eat a huge amount. Supper tends to be at around 8.30 (unless we are really full still) and will be something like veg sticks, cheese and crackers, toast, cereal (basically nothing sugary). I learnt never to give her fruit at this time at it gives her too much energy. She'll also sometimes have hot chocolate too but always has a bottle of water in her room.

Given the bed wetting I wonder if she’s just thirsty but consciously or subconsciously won’t / can’t admit it.

either way don’t make it into a battle. Just ask after her quiet bedroom play if she wants a slice of toast / bowl of porridge before bed.

Low level anxiety can manifest as a tummy ache in young children, so it's possible she has a bad tummy without it being connected to hunger, but that's the only ache she can see it resembling.

Supper does not need to delay bedtime. Cracker with butter takes no time to prepare and very little time to eat.

She is not overweight and telling you she is hungry. If you are worried about timing take the decision out of the equation and offer the same thing for supper if asked for it.

Everyone in the household is allowed to eat when they are hungry.

I recommend a slowcooker, We are a family of 5 and stick everything in the slowcooker and its ready when we get in.

Hope you get sorted 💐

I'm a bit late to post but was reading this earlier...
I'm ignoring all the posters saying 9pm is too late, my child hasn't slept before 9pm since about the age of 4 and some children just don't need as much sleep, or have a later body clock.
But really it stands out that bedtime routine finishes at 7.30/8 and she doesn't get to sleep until 9 - it seems like a long time to be in bed and awake. Up to bed two hours before she goes to sleep... And half an hour is lying awake in the dark! I think children should be going to sleep pretty soon after lights out.

Couldn't she stay up with you a bit longer? When did you last shift the bedtime routine? It sounds like you're still hoping she'll get to sleep earlier but by this point she'll just have grown out of that stage.