DD and late night snack

[ChitterChatter1987]

DD is 7 nearly 8
She used to have snacks at bedtime but we stopped it some months back because it was delaying her going to sleep and keeping her up.
We only allow it now if she has barely eaten anything during the day or at tea so is understandably going to be hungry.
The other night she asked again for the fiest time in ages, and we agreed as she had barely had much tea or lunch.
I know if we agree once it's a slippery slope and can become a regular habit again, but didn't want to deny it as she hadn't eaten alot so felt unkind to do so.

Last night same thing happened, but as she had been sick (not bug just due to jumping around after tea) allowed it due to that but warned this would be the last night.

Tonight, after tea, reminded her of this again clearly stating she would not be getting a late night snack, and encouraging her to eat enough.She left alot of her jacket potato, tuna and cheese saying she was full, but did eat some.She also had a crunch corner yoghurt and an apple, and had a plate of snack food at her after school club too beforehand.

Tonight around 9pm she was moaning repeatedly about being hungry, that her stomach hurt etc (unsure if this was genuine or not).DH I think felt I was being abit mean being firm with her not allowing food when she said her stomach hurt (did give her a drink of water) but I feel like she had a warning about no snack tonight whilst there was a chance to eat, she had a reasonable amount of food late afternoon/early evening and at 9pm she needed to be settling down to sleep not eating. We don't want to push her to overeat, but it annoys me that a plate of good food (not something she dislikes) goes in the bin, then she wants a snack later on, as it's wasteful.

AIBU?

What time does she have dinner, and what time is lunch? Does she usually eat anything between lunch and dinner?

My DS has a bowl of cereal or some toast before bed at night. Some kids will prefer little and often eating habits, agree with PP that she knows and needs to listen to her needs.

I am a strong advocate for encouraging children to learn intuitive eating. They don’t need to finish their plate, they know when they’re full and hungry again. It’s very important not to encourage disordered eating and hang ups around food. If she’s hungry, let her have something small/healthy. If she doesn’t want a slice of toast or similar appropriate “supper” then she isn’t hungry, just craving.

Have you considered that her bed time is too early? You said 7:30? Rather than her lying awake until 9 and then wanting to eat it might be better to offer her a supper/snack at 7:30 and then wind down to get into bed and sleep for 8:30

Did OP ever reply on this thread?

Give them time, she only posted last night

We allow her to have fruit and then a yoghurt whatever she has eaten but not 'treat desserts' such as chocolate mousse, ice cream, cake etc unless she has eaten a decent amount of first course.Admittedly the yoghurt being a crunch corner on this occasion was probably abit too treat like...usually it's a fromage Frais.

Food isn't usually a big issue as mostly we try to have a take it or leave it no pressure or fuss approach for the most part other than this particular thing.

@JimHalpertsWife it's been a long night. 🤣 I thought this was a day+ old

She has never gone to bed early....she hasn't been asleep before 9pm since probably reception/Y1 age.She does wake up quite late in the mornings too though.

She is 7, but yeah get your point.Usually we do encourage her to get it herself from the bathroom tap.

Why do you bin the rest of dinner if she’s often hungry later? Couldn’t you put it in a small bowl in the fridge and reheat and offer it again?

Maybe she’s ‘hungry for snacks’ not ‘hungry for dinner food’ and if she knew she was getting the leftover dinner she’d either refuse (not really hungry) or eat it (actually hungry).

This is exactly what happened Monday night! She was hanging upside down over the side of the sofa after eating lots of pasta (doing some sort of gymnastics move) next thing she was being sick in the sink! 🤦‍♀️

That was the night before she was sick....I did let her have a snack then for that reason.

If she doesn’t eat her dinner save it and offer her that if she says she is hungry again that evening.

Also she should be asleep before 9pm. That’s a late bed time.

I always gave my children supper, normally some weetabix or crumpet or toast or teacake, nothing that would have them bouncing the walls. Normally about 20 mins before going to bed, with a warm drink.

I was once told (so don't shoot me if i'm wrong) that babies/childrens stomachs are the size of their fists, and that although the stomach can swell to accommodate more food/fluids, some children need to eat little and often.

It’s a bit odd to have a no pressure take it or leave it approach to tea if there’s a ban on supper after that. Particularly if she doesn’t go to sleep before 9 I still think you should allow supper, even if it is leftover tea. Do you never snack after your tea?

Difficult one because at only just 8 she's still got quite a small stomach and maybe is genuinely eating enough dinner so that she's full but then is still getting hungry later. Some children need to eat little and often rather than 3 big meals.
But if she's in bed at 7.30 and still awake at 9 saying she's hungry then that does sound like trying it on!
What time is dinner? If you eat quite early it could be that she's hungry by bedtime. It could also be time for a later bedtime if she isn't falling asleep easily. A small not very exciting snack at 7.30 then bed at 8 could work better?
My almost 10 year old still likes a glass of milk and small snack before bed, dinner usually at 6pm then snack around 8pm and she's usually asleep before 9pm. Snack is usually non sugary, cheese and crackers or slice of toast etc and only milk or water to drink. She eats well at dinner time and is active and a healthy weight so not over eating.

The bedtime snack is the only thing we have been restrictive about....the rest of the time she is allowed to eat whenever hungry, and pushed to finish a plate of food (although if she wants a sugary dessert she needs to have eaten a decent amount of first course or some fruit) and we don't force her to clear her plate, accepting she will stop when full.

Last night was more double checking she had definitely had enough food bearing in mind that would be the last opportunity to eat that evening, but maybe at the time she had had enough as I think by default she is probably more of a grazer and little and often eater.

I get what you're saying people should be allowed to graze when hungry however little or much they want, but unfortunately even if we encourage this at home, school doesn't work that way...she is not allowed to eat whenever she wants at school, hungry or not she has to adhere to the times there for lunch and snack 🤷‍♀️

Beleive me....we've tried 😫 even though we try and get her up reasonably early or when she has a late night/early start she is never asleep before 9...and that's a good night!

Lots of adults have a hot drink and a plain biscuit around 9pm/before bed (my inlaws do) so I don’t really see an issue.

So long as it’s healthy (chunk of cheese, plain biscuit, fruit, bit of toast, glass of milk) I’d let her have it. She may be going through a growth spurt and I’m personally reluctant to ‘withhold’ food in case it gives it a value I’d rather it didn’t have, and trigger an issue with eating/food just as DD is going into puberty.

Unless she’s getting up super early maybe you’re putting her to bed too early and she’s not tired enough to sleep so is getting bored which can manifest itself as hungry. Then she’s becomes fixated on it and can’t sleep. I’d say offering a slice of toast and a cup of milk before bed is a better solution than turning it into a battle. And I say this as a parent of a child who would happily ditch dinner ever single day in favour of a dry piece of bread 🤪

pudding ideally would be plain Greek yoghurt though for me. She could also be coming down in a sugar crash after crunch corners or fromache frais.

Thanks for all the replies! Too many to respond to them all individually, but to answer some general questions;

• We usually eat tea about 6pm,so not majorly early.She only has the afterschool club snack (about 4pm) 2 nights a week.

It could have been she was still abit full from that last night at tea.

• Unfortunately she doesn't like bananas, otherwise they would be good, and she is under the incontinence clinic who have advised against milk close to bed time in relation to bedwetting.

• Some teas could be reheated others not, but the trouble with that as she goes up for her bedtime routine pretty much straight after tea, it would mean her having to come downstairs again to eat the re-heated meal probably a good 1-2 hours later by the time she is hungry again, and would be quite time consuming her sitting and having a meal at that time, delaying her bedtime further and once she comes down it can be really hard to get her to go back upstairs and she gets distracted by our TV programmes etc.

There's some really useful perspectives been given though, and i accept maybe she needs to eat more little and often, so depriving her of anything at all at bedtime may have been unfair.
I think what we might try as a compromise is after her bedtime routine get her some bread and butter each night which she can have in her room to eat whenever before she goes to sleep if she wants.
It would be quick and easy to prepare, not too exciting, reasonably healthy as we have brown bread anyway, and not too messy to have in her room.

Also, no concerns regarding weight....she is slim but not skinny.She is rather a fussy eater generally seems to have a fairly attitude to food.
When I mentioned about not wanting her to overeat I meant pushing her to keep eating once full.

Yes I have wondered about boredom....it's hard to tell if it's that as it is once she has been up there awhile but equally could have had time for food to go down I suppose.
I might have to ditch the fromage fraise although she often just has fruit so doesn't always have them anyway....admittedly they do have a fair bit of sugar still.

I'd say move dinner and bed a bit later? Maybe she'll fall asleep more easily if she's full and a bit more tired at bedtime. Her natural sleep pattern could just be a little later than you're putting her in bed.

She is only 7, so isn't going into puberty! But could possibly be having a growth spurt....