DD and late night snack

[ChitterChatter1987]

DD is 7 nearly 8
She used to have snacks at bedtime but we stopped it some months back because it was delaying her going to sleep and keeping her up.
We only allow it now if she has barely eaten anything during the day or at tea so is understandably going to be hungry.
The other night she asked again for the fiest time in ages, and we agreed as she had barely had much tea or lunch.
I know if we agree once it's a slippery slope and can become a regular habit again, but didn't want to deny it as she hadn't eaten alot so felt unkind to do so.

Last night same thing happened, but as she had been sick (not bug just due to jumping around after tea) allowed it due to that but warned this would be the last night.

Tonight, after tea, reminded her of this again clearly stating she would not be getting a late night snack, and encouraging her to eat enough.She left alot of her jacket potato, tuna and cheese saying she was full, but did eat some.She also had a crunch corner yoghurt and an apple, and had a plate of snack food at her after school club too beforehand.

Tonight around 9pm she was moaning repeatedly about being hungry, that her stomach hurt etc (unsure if this was genuine or not).DH I think felt I was being abit mean being firm with her not allowing food when she said her stomach hurt (did give her a drink of water) but I feel like she had a warning about no snack tonight whilst there was a chance to eat, she had a reasonable amount of food late afternoon/early evening and at 9pm she needed to be settling down to sleep not eating. We don't want to push her to overeat, but it annoys me that a plate of good food (not something she dislikes) goes in the bin, then she wants a snack later on, as it's wasteful.

AIBU?

We always ate around 5.00pm, bath and jammies for 7.00pm and some toast and milk or a banana and milk just before bed. Each child had a water bottle beside their bed if they were thirsty for during the night.

If your DD has been sick there’s probably nothing left in her stomach so she would be hungry.

Some people are better at eating smaller meals but more often. Give her smaller portions at her evening meal and plan in an evening snack,

We do fruit snack after school here, then a relatively late dinner. None of us are early eaters. However, if mine were leaving loads of their dinner and then asking for snacks I wouldn't be happy.

I'd remind maybe an hour before bedtime that there was leftovers if they were hungry, but I wouldn't be doing the whole up and down with snacks routine hours later. If they'd eaten their dinner I'd offer warm milk or a herbal tea. At a push crackers with butter, but only if they weren't messing.

Snacks are fine if they're staying up late, but once it's bedtime if they've eaten dinner/claimed fullness then I don't see the need for it. It's usually just to extend staying awake. I did the same thing myself as a kid - begged for toast and then tried hiding it (if my dad fell for it) because I wasn't hungry, I just didn't want to go to sleep!

I think you've created this issue.

If she knows she gets the night snack when 'she's not eaten much tea' of course she won't eat much tea! Unless it's favourite food not just something she likes.

Instead of offering variety at night, offer something plain. Is it the end of the world if she has a plain cracker and water at 6.45 then goes to bed after teeth brushing at 7pm.

Or do tea for a later time?

Does she usually stay awake that long?

My two older than your daughter 9 and 13 will often have porridge and fruit before bed about 8ish. They've had a full tea about 6 and a snack after school.

Breakfast - eggs/hashbrowns/beans or weetabix
Snack / banana at school or blueberries or kiwi
School dinner
Pick up - salad snack cumber. Toms, cheese and some bread today a Brioche roll
Tea: chicken veg and potato
Snack penguin
Supper porridge

They are very tall and slim and do a lot of exercise. We totted it up and 9 year old does about 10 hours and the 13 year old does 15 hours! so I guess they burn it off?

I’d be reheating dinner only. No junk food. No salty food. Nothing sweet. Just boring, healthy, “meal” food so she knows not to keep space for something more exciting.

We introduced a rule that if she wants a snack after "bedtime" then she gets bread and butter, and only water to drink.

Unfortunately she really likes bread and butter (or maybe just hates sleep lol) so she has it most nights 🙃

This is probably why, to be honest. Don’t offer choices and make sure the one option is plain/boring. When I was a child I was given one slice of plain bread and butter, not toasted. I knew that if I woke up hungry that was the only thing I would get, so I only got out of bed if I was genuinely quite hungry.

We always had toast and a milky drink like horlicks or cocoa before bed.

Our kids often have tea/dinner around 6ish and then will have 'supper before bed. Warm drink and toast, cereal, bagel or banana etc. As a PP said she didn't think that was unusual, and neither do I.

Bananas are a good snack as they contain nutrients that may help with sleep, including tryptophan, vitamin B6, potassium, and magnesium. Also look at foods containing melatonin (encourage sleep) and maybe incorporate them into her routine. It will fulfill her need had may also help with her sleeping .

Smaller portions at main meal. Some people, especially kids, like eating little and often. Then I’d give a slice of toast or small bowl of cereal as a supper. I used to love French toast/ eggy bread for supper before bed when I was young 🤣. For now, I’d give her a piece of fruit and a glass of milk if you want to keep it minimal and healthy.

Do you have tea too early? She might not be hungry at the time you make tea if she’s having a full meal and snacks at school?

I would say go with it, change one meal into two smaller meals accordingly. But I'm not in your shoes and of course you have to follow your gut instinct.

Mine are much smaller but if they say they're hungry I offer toast and milk at bedtime

I find this so strange to control another humans hunger, based on constructed times and rules that are UK western specific.

Is she overweight? If the there are no major issues why not just let her have some porridge, cereal or a banana.

When I used to weight train a a bowl of porridge before bed was always on the cards, I slept better and it was needed. She going through puberty, burns energy and is clearly hungry.

Restricting food won't that cause issues down the line? It won't harm anyone else for her to eat something else.

Meh, DD9 always has a pre-bed snack. We make it healthy, eg some fruit and crackers. But she is genuinely hungry and doesn't sleep if she goes to bed with hunger. Tbh, I'm the same and I always have a pre-bed snack too. It works for us so I don't see the problem. I'd just make sure your DD has something healthy and not worth leaving space for.

We always used to have a 'supper' which could be something like a bowl of cereal or cheese and crackers, or an apple or orange. It may be that she is having her tea too early, but either way I wouldn't stop her eating.

@creamsnugjumper

I wouldn't give snacks to mine at that hour because, if they've eaten their meal, then I know they're not hungry. When they stay up late on a Friday/Saturday/holidays, neither ask for snacks. They have to be offered and even then they're just picked at. They eat 3 decent meals and fruit, they don't need a snack.

If they were leaving their perfectly good dinner and then refusing leftovers when reminded they might get hungry, that shows me they're either not hungry or just hankering after something else - usually sweets or something. Which they're not having as a replacement for a balanced meal.

Snacks weren't a regular thing in my house when I was growing up, nor DH's (who is Norwegian, so not from the UK). Even now, we'll only have "supper" if we're still up at midnight and watching something. 3 meals and fruit/milk during the day is plenty for them. It's not controlling, they're just not actually hungry - and I'm not wasting good food in turn for whatever it is they'd scoff if they had a chance to snaffle!

A friend of DS's regularly does this when he stays over. He won't eat his tea and then starts eyeing up the cupboards or asking DS to ask me for snacks...an hour after tea has finished. I asked his mum and she said he does it all the time, and never finishes a meal but always has cereal or something before bed. That wouldn't wash with my two.

I never say no but offer boring snacks.

Brown bread (we don't eat white bead) with butter or oats with milk.
I don't want children to go hungry but it's not a midnight feast.

I would ask this too? My daughter (same age) always have fruit after her shower about 8pm and then if she wants it crackers or toast.

We always had supper at that age as I was hungry before bed. I would give her something.

Yep. If she's truly hungry she'll eat.

Give her some toast before bed every night, at least then she’s not asking for other things.

I'm a night snack person, so is my Dad. Doesn't really matter when we eat or what we've had for dinner (within reason) we will be hungry by bedtime and unable to sleep if we don't eat supper.

It is, I suppose, a habit, but that doesn't mean she's not hungry. Your body learns when you usually eat and releases hunger hormones around that time.

Being older and struggling to maintain my weight more, I just adjust my portions at other times to account for a chunk of food before bed.

She's hungry. She must be young to go to bed so early.

Give her supper before bed. Plan for it so it doesn't delay bedtime.

Young kids eat every couple of hours still.
Breakfast
Mid morning snack
Lunch
Afternoon/after school snack
Tea
Supper

Make sure it's not junk (including crisps) as treats then you need to find your child more.

I would suggest juggling the timings. Perhaps dinner is too soon if she has had food at the after school club. Maybe bedtime is also too soon if she is waking up within an hour or so?

Also, in last night's scenario, the yogurt and the apple could have been kept back for supper.

As a child around that age, I had a hot school dinner at lunchtime, a snack such as a couple of biscuits around 3.30 after school, meal around 5.30 which tended to be sandwiches or salad in the summer, and beans on toast or similar in the winter. Then there was a snack before bed, quite often a sugary one as times were different.

There is nothing wrong with supper as such, by the sound of it your daughter perhaps has too much food offered within a short space of time, so spacing it out might work.

Best way to have a kid end up struggling with obesity is to make them eat more than they're hungry for at meal times, and restrict food when they are actually hungry.

Youre simultaneously teaching them to eat past their fullness signals, and teaching them that food is scarce. When she's old enough to be getting her own food, the combination of what you have taught her is going to end up in overeating.

Dont make her eat when she isn't hungry.

Let her eat when she is hungry.

Not all food will keep you awake. Hunger will more likely keep you awake. A satisfied tummy will help you sleep, especially certain foods (Google will help).

It's important she learn to properly listen and respond to her bodies cues. Hunger, fullness... And that you allow her to learn this rather than trying to override nature.

We didn't evolve to eat at set meal times three times a day.

Seriously, and people wonder why everyone's getting fat...