DD and late night snack

[ChitterChatter1987]

DD is 7 nearly 8
She used to have snacks at bedtime but we stopped it some months back because it was delaying her going to sleep and keeping her up.
We only allow it now if she has barely eaten anything during the day or at tea so is understandably going to be hungry.
The other night she asked again for the fiest time in ages, and we agreed as she had barely had much tea or lunch.
I know if we agree once it's a slippery slope and can become a regular habit again, but didn't want to deny it as she hadn't eaten alot so felt unkind to do so.

Last night same thing happened, but as she had been sick (not bug just due to jumping around after tea) allowed it due to that but warned this would be the last night.

Tonight, after tea, reminded her of this again clearly stating she would not be getting a late night snack, and encouraging her to eat enough.She left alot of her jacket potato, tuna and cheese saying she was full, but did eat some.She also had a crunch corner yoghurt and an apple, and had a plate of snack food at her after school club too beforehand.

Tonight around 9pm she was moaning repeatedly about being hungry, that her stomach hurt etc (unsure if this was genuine or not).DH I think felt I was being abit mean being firm with her not allowing food when she said her stomach hurt (did give her a drink of water) but I feel like she had a warning about no snack tonight whilst there was a chance to eat, she had a reasonable amount of food late afternoon/early evening and at 9pm she needed to be settling down to sleep not eating. We don't want to push her to overeat, but it annoys me that a plate of good food (not something she dislikes) goes in the bin, then she wants a snack later on, as it's wasteful.

AIBU?

What’s times is she eating? Is there a short space between afterschool snack and late afternoon/early evening dinner?

Dinner at 4pm?

Warm milk and a banana. Both apparently help promote sleep

Yes, about that time. They are usually hungry after school, and if they don't eat dinner straight away they'll snack constantly and the end up not eating their dinner!

We've always been snack after school then dinner later on

Depends what the snack is. We had a brown bread and butter or a banana or a glass of milk post dinner time. It's important not to turn this into a big deal. If you're hungry this is the available food.

Can’t she have supper at 8?

If she’s eating at after school club maybe she genuinely isn’t that hungry for tea and so isn’t eating much and is then hungry later. Can you move tea to a later time? Or bring bedtime earlier?

Once mine are in bed its a no to any food.

They get a warning 30 mins before going upstairs to bed that if they want supper it needs to be now. Usually slice of toast/banana/yogurt/cereal.

Dinner also goes in the microwave if they havnt been hungry and can have it for supper.

If she's in bed at 7.30 and still awake hungry at 9 I would certainly give her fruit or bread and butter.

Supper a bit before bed at 7.30 wouldn't be a late night snack really, would it?

Does she need to have tea at a particular time? Could you push it later? Does she need to wind down to feel her appetite?

I think you could work with her on this. She is old enough and she's not asking for anything unhealthy or elaborate.

1 - don't put her dinner in the bin. Put it in the fridge and make sure she knows it's there.
2 - agree her dinner in advance for a bit. Maybe get her to write a list of her favourite dinners (within reason of course) and try to pick from that for a while to get her into a habit of eating her dinner

I don't think there's anything wrong with giving a snack before bed - a banana and a glass of milk doesn't take long to consume and if it means she gets a good night's sleep then it's fine. Are you concerned about her eating in general? Does she often not eat much dinner? If she's had a snack plate at after school club, is she just not hungry at dinner time?

She went to bed at 7.30, and came out asking for food at 9pm? What time did she eat/not eat the jacket potato?

So she didn’t fall asleep within 15-30 mins of bedtime, with reading etc?

Asking for food at 9pm sounds like it could be boredom or more likely is that her routine isn’t appropriate for her. 7.30pm is a reasonable bedtime for a 7-8yo, but you’ve alluded to hyperactivity. Does she need to go to bed later? Eat dinner later, and properly? I think something is wrong here with timings.

If you deny her bedtime food and she was hungry that's a great way to give her issues around food.

Just make it something she likes but isn't exciting. A slice of brown bread and butter as others have suggested would be perfect. Don't change what's on offer at that time or give a choice, it's this same thing every time or you're not really hungry.

Maybe her stomach is too full to manage a whole jacket potato and tuna, that would be enough for me and I’m an adult. Children’s stomachs are smaller so they need smaller meals but more often. If she’s full, she’s full. We really shouldn’t eat past the point our body says it’s full. Just give her supper then you control what she has and at what time.

I have 2DC, one of them is always hungry. Has been since he arrived. I even had him tested for diabetes (not easy as a pre schooler, required outpatient appt at local hospital). He snacks very frequently (mostly yoghurts and 🫣 processed meat snacks). Doesn’t drink much (not through lack of encouragement). Deosnt eat or get offered large adult sized portions though. Never declines treats or misses an opportunity for a treat, even if should be full
My other DC rarely asked for food as a younger child and ate only when offered. Eats more now but is a slow eater and is often full before the plate is finished, will happily decline a treat if feeling full.
Both are very healthy weights and active, the hungry one would definitely ask for food and have trouble getting to sleep if no snacks provided.
Suggest saving food from unfinished meals and re-offer an hour or so after dinner. Otherwise offer plain (unbuttered bread or crackers). If they are genuinely hungry they will take it and will also get into the habit of eating more at meal times. I would avoid making a fuss about it though, just stoically repeat the re-offering of left overs or plain bread/cracker. No dessert if they don’t eat at least half of the meal and try a bit of everything offered. Also, are your portion sizes small enough? They still have tiny tummies, can get full quickly but need topping up regularly.

I had dinner at 530 and currently eating some bread and peanut butter as hungry .

What time is her dinner? Tbh if she was in bed and asleep then woke up hungry I'd probably let her eat (ideally just dinner leftovers if suitable) and of course brush her teeth again. If she was up and down and dicking about I'd think she was just trying to delay bedtime.

Are you sure she doesn't have a stomach upset? I've never actually known a kid to be sick from jumping around after eating. I swear it's something my parents used to say just to stop us being annoying.

Also imo you shouldn't need to 'give' a 9yo child a drink of water, they should be able and allowed to just got to the sink and fill a glass whenever they feel like it and without a conversation about it

If she is waking up thirsty then put a bottle beside her bed.

My mum used to give us a dey Weetabix with butter on it.

I always offered my DC milk if they complained they were hungry before bed but they'd have had a snack after school and then a lateish dinner.

Can vouch this is a real thing…my DC has done this a couple of times at home and at school lunch break after hanging upside down straight after eating (and had to stay off for 48hours each time).

Well don't offer crisps or any other high value /high carb food she doesn't need sugar before bed

'supper' is a fairly standard meal though. Warm milk or even Two kiwis an hour before bed which are proven to have positive effects on sleep due to the natural serotonin in them so I would go with that each and everytime. Something boring and stay consistent, if she's hungry she'll eat it as long as ARFID or similar isn't at play.

I would have saved her uneaten meal and offered it again if she said she was hungry.

i don’t understand binning good food, then being upset she’s hungry when the food is in the bin.
You put it there!! 🤷🏼‍♀️