Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

I used to work in the office if a nursery, although fully qualified and was also a childminder for 7 years. We had two male members of staff and they were wonderful. Children loved them and I felt they were a great male influence in a very feminine industry. I'd 100% trust with my child.

Why for his benefit? Presumably you're not planning on making a false allegation, which is what the chaperone would protect him against.

Statistically speaking, the majority of violent and sexual crimes are committed by men. While women are also capable of such crimes they are less likely to. I want the safer option for my children.

Exactly and this is quoted on here all the time yet there is a bizarre love for men in nurseries. Go figure.

Yes you’re being unreasonable. No I haven’t experienced those thoughts. Hope this helps.

Are you equally baffled as to why women work in nurseries? Or is childcare a "woman's role"? Do you take the same stance towards women working in engineering or construction?

Thank you.

I've seen some comments making reference to teachers as though you are somehow suggesting that men shouldn't be teaching children (which I don't believe you are). I am a teacher, my dad and brother are both teachers, I wish that there were more male teachers in primary however teachers are not expected to carry out intimate care with children. I have worked in ASN for years and so intimate care is often required for many children or support has been required for certain children at times when getting ready for swimming lessons, I have never ever worked with a male teacher who would be happy to carry out intimate care or support children changing because they are well aware of the risk posed to themselves as well as it is putting them in a position that is vulnerable to accusation. I've worked with male teachers who would not even allow themselves to be alone with an individual pupil in order to ensure that no accusations can ever be made against them. So I find it strange that male nursery workers would not take a similar approach to protecting themselves from accusation.

Some woman will make allegations and it only takes one to ruin a very good hcp' s career and life

Statistically speaking, male family members are most likely to commit a sexual crime on a child. Does this mean you never leave your child alone with your husband, father, brother etc?

My DD bonded with the male assistant at her nursery far better than the female ones. Having met him, I could see why - he was lovely. I had no concerns about him caring for her, including changing her nappy.

@Itsoneofthose thanks for posting this, I visited some nurseries recently and felt the same. I am also not "unhinged" etc or untrusting with known male family members and all the silly stuff others have posted. However, having been overly trusting with men in my early life, life also taught me that predators are attracted to certain professions with access eg schools, doctors. Myself and family members and friends have learnt this the hard way. Men statistically commit sexual abuse more than women - that does not mean all men ffs but it does mean we are allowed to have concerns and even boundaries as and when we want them. Like it or not, it's unusual for men to go into nursery work and we feel how we feel. When it comes to my baby, who will not be able to speak or tell me anything, having their nappy changed, I do want familiarity and high trust. I would be lying to myself if I said I have it with men I don't yet know in nurseries. I bonded more with the women staff during the visit eg about their own kids/babies, childbirth, breastfeeding etc. Can't do that with men. I'm not sure yet myself what to do about my feelings and choices OP so thanks for posting this as I'm in the same boat.

They can disagree all they like, but if they are outraged at the very question, then that to me suggests ignorance, naivety and dismissiveness to a glaringly obvious potential issue.

However if that were the main reason for it the NHS would insist on a chaperone every time. Or the presence of the chaperone or not would be the choice of the GP. If the patient says no thanks to a chaperone the GP is unprotected, and the NHS seems ok with that.

How do you feel about male primary school teachers??

A lot of women are still people pleasers, more bothered with not upsetting the nursery or the man instead of doing what they feel is right for their child and what they’re comfortable with. Personally I’d care less about the man’s feelings than my own and the welfare of my child. A good man would understand a parent having concerns rather than be offended, keep doing his job well and get a good record of work and happy parents behind him.

My brother offered a relatively new colleague a lift home as it was raining. She looked nervous and refused. She told another colleague that she refused because she didn’t know him and it got back to me brother. He didn’t take offence, he understood. She didn’t know him well and felt uncomfortable. I know he’s not a danger based on a 40 year history with him, seeing his behaviour around others, hearing from past GFs that he’s kind etc, but that woman didn’t know that.

He can still work there and OP is fine to feel how she feels.

Are there peadophiles that aren't heinous? Are some men just standard 'pedophiles' (I thought they just had strange urges towards bikes)? If you're unhappy with your childcare, just remove your little one. Good luck finding another placement locally.

No way this would be acceptable for me but then again I don’t use nursery at all as I have so little trust in any staff, male or not
home based for us 👍🏻
but certainly wouldn’t have a non related male doing intimate personal care for a child, no

You are replying rudely to everyone, not just those you deem “outraged”.

Op I hear you and see you

Just to add I'm finding the posts from people who had positive experiences with male nursery workers v helpful and hopeful/reassuring, and also the posts from nursery workers/managers about safeguarding procedures like accompaniment during changing - I didn't know about that. That's helpful to know. I hope it's universal.

Tbf, the majority of this thread are not saying that.

A lot of women are still of the view that it's their job to do all the nappies etc. We can't police individual relationships or choices. But we can at least act to move things forward for the majority.

But people do make allegations. And a chaperone would protect them.
Anyway if I’m vulnerable I’m having an extra member of staff (female) there.
If other people aren’t bothered, that’s fine. But I am , and it’s my comfort, I’m concerned with.

And when they get to school and have a male teacher, what then?
How you raise your daughter will significantly impact how she views the world and her place in it. If you think nursery staff should be "women only" this will only have a negative impact on her perception of equality, something they pick up on from an early age and she herself might think women are only good for certain roles, often at a lower pay grade.
I'd much rather see more male staff in nurseries moving forward. My DD had two in her nursery and they were just amazing role models to her

If you think the nursery is employing paedophiles or child sex abusers then obviously you should report them to the council and Ofsted.
What makes you think that all men are a danger to kids? Do you think your partner will sexually molest his/your kids? What about your dad, or brother?
I'm sorry. I've been raped and abused horribly by men but I would trust a nursery to employ staff that were not dangerous to young kids.

Well. Shouldn't OP just remove the kid? If she's that concerned? They need childcare, presumably?