Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

One reason you are offered a chaperone is to protect the male member of staff from false allegations of inappropriate behaviour

It's not about saying all men are paedophiles.
We know it's Not All Men, we get reminded all the time.
But, most paedophiles are men.
And paedophiles do seek out positions where they can get close to children and families.

I don't think it is unreasonable to be cautious about what unrelated men have access to your child.
I'm cautious about play dates and sleepovers too to be honest.

I don't think it is practical or reasonable to request men don't carry out intimate care in a nursery setting though.

What you could do is ask potential nurseries on there safeguarding and intimate care policies - are staff alone with children in bathrooms and sleep rooms for example? Are staff always in sight of others when changing nappies?

But you don't. You only want to hear from people who agree with you. You've been pretty rude to those who don't.

We are not religious but it is astounding how disrespectful people are to religious or cultural traditions eg some
married women cover their hair in front of men who are not their husbands, some women don’t shake hands with men etc. many of these women wouldn’t want a man to change their daughter but all
and sundry will criticise such women for this. Welcome
to England !

I wouldn’t like it one bit. You might find “Being There” by Erica Komisar interesting. The book is pricey but you can find her on lots of podcasts on YouTube.

No, I have a DS now and would be fine with him being changed by women. That's hypocritical I know, but I'm aware It's my own stereotypes and reservations that I've developed and as it's quite unusual I just wasnt sure what I felt comfortable with.

YABVU

I absolutely commend your attitude towards this. Many people commenting are acting mortally offended even though what I have asked is perfectly reasonable. Sexual abuse is extremely common and I think people are still naive to it. Children must be protected at every cost and people need to be vigilant. It’s unfortunate but true and the risk is too great. People are so naive they really are. I’m sorry you experienced that but I wish more mothers had the same attitude and wisdom
as you.

I would want a chaperone with a male GP for his benefit as well as mine.

All 3 of mine have had the same male keyworker at nursery. He's lovely and I definitely know he wants to be there considering the attitude some have to male nursery workers caring for children.

It's a good thing. We need more men in caring roles.

That's because the vast majority of nursery workers are female.
There are also male workers convicted of abusing children.

Hang on, if the male nursery teachers are all gay, why is it mainly the mothers of girls that are worried? Surely that makes them safe around your kid?

Our male paeds nurse was one of the best nurses we had. We both adored him.

Thank you. Exactly. There is hope on this platform.

Not even allowed to express a reservation. These people perpetuate the problem they really do. Unable to discuss/ debate sensibly without being outraged.

Im not linking gayness with paedophilia. Others are. Im saying gay men in the care industry display more feminine characteristics of caring and sensitivity.

My sons nursery years ago had a male practitioner and my son loved him. We moved cities so he’d gone from an all female nursery to his keyworker being a man and he was so close to him. I never had any worries whatsoever and it never crossed my mind!

im also a nurse which is a female dominated profession and now there are more and more male nurses similarly and in all my years of working I’ve never come across a patient asking not to be treated by a male nurse, even when it comes to personal care.

I was sympathetic towards you until this reply.

“but I wish more mothers had the same attitude and wisdom as you”

So basically you’re saying anyone who disagrees with you isn’t wise and implying they’re putting their child at risk of harm?

You can’t ask people for their opinion and then berate anyone who doesn’t agree with you.

I don’t think it’s hypocritical or stereotyping. It’s risk management. The vast majority of people who sexually abuse children are male.

Sure work in early years, be a key worker but I wouldn’t not be comfortable at all with nappy changing.

Yeah, it’s been quite validating thanks.

I remember very fondly the man who worked at my nursery when I was about 3. He was just lovely! In hindsight, he was a bit of a trailblazer. He had a pink mohawk, wore leopard print leggings and was openly gay in the mid 80s. I also remember my (one) male primary school teacher who actively encouraged me to believe in myself. I also had some very, very memorable women nursery carers and teachers. I still remember the great ones. They're life-changing. We need more diversity in education from pre-school to post-grad, I think. If you prefer an entirely single sex environment, that's your decision. It might be a little bit costly - on a number of levels - though. Your child, your choice. I'd imagine men in childcare are quite used to getting a tough time. And we don't have enough male primary school teachers. Boys do exist! They might benefit from men who nurture and educate too? Nevermind.

I've worked in a nursery and have seen many female practitioners that really do not like children and are in the wrong job!!
Far removed from this career now but when my daughter was at nursery and had male practitioners she loved them, I thought it was fantastic to have male role models. She also took a shine to the male chef, probably because she is a complete foodie like her mother 😂 He was a real character and the whole nursery loved him!

Child sex abusers go where the children are easily accessible. The harder it is to abuse, the less likely they are to be there. Most are very good at interpersonal skills.

That is why most abuse takes place in the home. It is the place where there is plenty of unsupervised access and no training to recognise abuse. It is not because family are more likely to be abusers. For an abuser, their family re easy pickings.

Child care settings should have layers of safeguarding in place which make abuse difficult. All policies should be available. You should read them and understand them. However, nothing is perfect so you should always be aware.

Unfortunately the vast majority of abusers are male. There are many, many more prosecutions of men for that one Vanessa George prosecution, and so many more unprosecuted. It is not something that goes away. If you have responsibilities for children you need to be aware.

Where I work there are many children who don’t have a positive male role model in their life. Male teachers at a young age have been such a positive force for both boys and girls. It has been wonderful to watch. We’ve had carpenters, mathematicians, nurses, geophysicists, beauticians, care workers, all the opposite sex to what people perceive and it has had really made a difference. I’ve seen children crying because they were told they shouldn’t be playing with ‘that’ toy because they weren’t the right sex - by their peers, at 3yrs old. Where is that coming from? I look back at my parents and their peers and am so happy my parents changed their views on things like this. We look in horror back on it now, just like the thread earlier about smoking when pregnant in the 70s

I know a man who works in ECE just because he loves kids. The kids love him and must sense he's good and kind as they gravitate to him over others. So I think you're being silly OP. In centres I know of, workers of any sex/gender are never alone with kids anyway, for their protection as much as the children's. There are many safeguards in place.

My friend has only ever encountered one mother who didn't want him changing their child's nappies. Most parents love him too. Many centres wouldn't abide this kind of thing, this one did. I encouraged him to think of it as a bonus that he'd get out of that duty for at least one kid. haha.

As a nursery owner and manager of two very successful settings, I have been asked this question literally twice in ten years. On both occasions, the parents ultimately sent their child to my settings (no, I did not promise to not allow the male member of staff to provide personal care, but I did reassure the parents about our safeguarding procedures to which all staff adhere). In both circumstances, the families were very happy with the care provided by ALL members of staff, and acknowledged the dynamic of the male influence in nursery being positive.
One thing I would like to address, both as a mum to girls and boys, and a teacher and nursery manager, is that this question comes up periodically on here, and I am pretty sure, that without exception, this question is asked by the mothers of daughters and not sons. I find it very hard to imagine, that if those women with “reservations” about male nursery workers had had sons themselves, they would not be so concerned. ALL children are precious and my definition, vulnerable, not just little girls.

Yes I think it’s fine for him to have a chaperone too if he has concerns. I think it ok to prefer intimate care to be done by same sex carers. Same with the elderly.

The law allows for it too. Sex discrimination laws don’t apply if you are hiring for intimate care of a woman and specify you want to hire a woman. Or man for a man obviously.