Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

I know "society" have decided that. I want to know why? Because it's bullshit. Some men make excellent child carers. So do some women.

It's absolutely stupid that all the low paid jobs are apparently far more suited to women. Patriarchy much?

Society often gets things wrong.

I don't think it's a tiny minority unfortunately.

Not all women are better for the job. I'd be terrible at it.

It's a personality thing, not a sex thing.

Yes this.

I'm not making it about the money. I just find it fascinating how the jobs that women are apparently better at also happen to be the worst paid. How strange.

Edited for a typo.

@SouthLondonMum22 I wasn't agreeing that you'd be terrible at it BTW. I don't know you. I was agreeing that it's a personality thing.

As it happens, my son would be brilliant at it. Hes hoping to find a job and make a career out if it.

Pretty sure my brother would be much better at a nursery job than I would be

It's not a job either of us want to go into, however, but we both volunteer with youth groups

According to MN this makes me "normal" for society and him "a weirdo"

Hmm

Don’t be so silly

what do you think will happen in a busy nursery with regulated and vetted staff?

If you aren’t happy then don’t send your daughter.

Right. Ok. So your husband (who is male) is above suspicion and in many families, so is your Father/FIL, Brother/BIL, but not a male nursery worker, who has presumably trained to do this role. Particularly when 90% of sexual abuse perpetrators are well known or related to the child. OK. And are we talking female or male children here? because if you are unhappy with a male nursery worker looking after your female child, presumable, you're also unhappy with a female nursery worker looking after your male child???

I know my partner well so yes I trust him. My father abused me so no. Training to do a role doesn’t make someone safe. And yes, I have children of both sexes and didn’t want males caring for the at that age.

Have you read any of the links showing cases of women abusing children or are you choosing to ignore them? Most abuse happens at home including by women....sexual abuse is not the only form of abuse so why do you feel it's the important one despite it being less likely to happen in childcare settings?

Physical crimes against children?

Why do you feel women will naturally care and enjoying being around unrelated children but not men? Do you think women shouldn't want to be builders or fly planes so must all be gender confused as they should be at home with a baby?

I'm sorry to hear that but there are many women who feel they know their partner well and are surprised by what they find out later.

I do feel an uneasiness about why a man would seek out a job like nursery nurse. Brings to mind how paedophiles are attracted to postposions of trust around children. Well known example being the priesthood.

But then I'm also uneasy with perpetuating gender stereotypes. If we say men should care for children professionally are we saying mothers should take the lead in the home because they are just more suited to it? Childcare is high responsibility for shit pay. Are women better suited to such jobs? I think men should have the shit pay we live with maybe it would bring wages up in traditionally female jobs.

Anyway. I dont think anyone is wrong to feel strongly either way on this. People have all sorts of reasons for feeling how they feel. It's a free country so just choose the childcare setting that suits you best and don't incite hate or ban a group of people from a job

I’m aware. My mum would have said that, but the reality was she got pregnant within months of meeting my dad and ignored his red flags. My parent also left us with random people. You can’t take all risk away but you can do your best to minimise it. I wouldn’t have let my children be cared for by men when they were young, to minimise risk.

Both my children went to a nursery with 2 male nursery workers. I didn’t have a problem with this at all. I grew up in a Scandinavian country where it is more common to see men in this profession, so maybe I was just more used to it. I went to a nursery with male staff myself as a child too, so to me this is quite normal.

I'm with you, OP. Not in today's world

To me, it's not different than being uncomfortable having a male doctor do your smear or take some swabs! Would you all be outraged if your friend requested a female doctor do it?
If I was in a care home, I wouldn't want a male wiping my bum either

Without trying to be goady I'm presuming you're putting your daughter in nursery because you're going back to work.

It was only a few decades ago that people would have judged you and questioned your character because you chose to leave your children in the care of someone else and work rather than look after your own family and have dinner on the table when your husband got back from work.

I think you need to sit and unpack why you feel so uncomfortable with the idea of men going against gender norms in the workplace when you have clearly have no issue with women historically going against gender norms and breaking societal barriers.

I also think it would be helpful to reflect on your feelings and unpack why your mind has jumped straight to male early years workers being potential child sex offenders, instead of jumping to more positive assumptions like being naturally paternal, or being passionate about early years education.

For what it's worth, I worked alongside a man when I worked in a nursery. He had a real passion for early years education, and he was such a positive male influence for the children. He left because he ended up with a higher qualification than the manager.

Where sexism and equality regarding gender is at the forefront of todays policies you mean?

Grow up

I wouldnt be happy with a male nursery for the same reason I wouldnt be happy with a female mechanic or electrician. Yes it's nice in theory to promote gender equality but when it comes to something important like the safeguarding of your kids or the safety of your car/home, common sense surely has to take precedent.

You wouldn't trust a female electrician or mechanic? Why?

The idea of another woman's hands changing my car tires gives me the ick, and I would be suspicious about the motives of why a woman would even want to be a mechanic in the first place