Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

This is incredibly sexist and insulting to all male nursery workers, teachers, pediatricians and any male who cares for children. It’s so beneficial to have men in all settings to our children to see that men and women are equal and able to do all kinds of jobs and roles in life. My son’s favourite nursery worker is male and it’s not because he’s a man but because he’s fun and caring and generally wonderful at his job. I love that he has these additional male role models.

This feels like an issue you should work on, before you project on to your child that they should only do certain jobs due to their gender.

And lots of physical abuse (which can lead to death) committed in nurseries is carried out by women

But hey, just worry about the SA and the mens ye?

I do wonder about if people seem to think sexual abuse is the worst and most damaging to a child like there is a ranking of abuse....is it because as adults we think we are at risk of this rather than other things so forget that children are vulnerable in other ways....and are far more likely to be abused in other ways?

There was a male nursery worker in dd’s nursery when she started (many, many years ago). He was absolutely incredible. Probably one of the best staff there. I will admit, I had a similar gut reaction at first.

But like others said, sexual abuse of a child is much more likely to be perpetrated by someone you already know who is close to your children. You almost certainly have someone close to them already who is abusive, statistically speaking. In the years after this, I had not one, but TWO close family members, who both had unfettered access to my dc, who were revealed as committing child sex offences (both convicted, one went to prison, one into a community rehabilitation programme for sexual offenders).

Absolutely do stay vigilant, but the most dangerous person is probably not a highly supervised DBS checked childcare worker. It’s going to be someone you would absolutely never suspect.

Sorry to hear this...so can I clarify if it was by a teacher/childcare or closer to home?

I think it's sad that these conversations come up but understand that they do.
Personally think it, like lots of 'controversial' topics is a lot to do with people not really understanding risk and bad media portrayal of events that make them seem more likely than they are.
Check out nurseries thoroughly, how are their staff with kids, what are reviews like, what are their procedures, what oversight do they have, how transparent are they. Bad nurseries allow and breed complacency which allows abuse to happen. Good nurseries acknowledge & notice before problems occur with staff of either gender.
Personally my experiences with nurseries have been good and male carers for both my kids and now my mum (care home) have been excellent: caring, sensitive to concerns and dignity. We have only had a few problems and they have all been with female carers (usually shit attitude and lack of care - only doing the job because they had no option, usually agency staff) rather than actually wanting to be there.
We became good friends with one of the male nursery workers and he often babysat the kids when they were younger. They loved him because he was always very proactive with games and activities even for evening babysitting. He had a real passion for the job. I believe he's currently training to be a teacher.

Absurd.

No, it's not. 96% of sex offenders are male. Female paedophiles are very rare. Men with a sexual interest in children will train as social workers, nursery workers, sports coaches, nurses — whatever — in order to gain access as a trusted person to the children or women they plan to abuse.

Men need to understand this. It's a safeguarding issue and they need to be prepared to leave this work — caring for the most vulnerable — to the section of the population least likely to harm them. Most men aren't predators, but it's impossible to tell the decent men from the highly-motivated predators like these:
https://www.sussex.police.uk/news/sussex/news/court-results/nursery-worker-jailed-for-child-sex-offences-in-crowborough/
https://www.staffordshire.police.uk/news/staffordshire/news/2024/april/man-jailed-for-sexual-offences-at-nursery/
https://www.itv.com/news/westcountry/2021-07-23/nursery-worker-who-abused-toddlers-jailed-for-145-years

That's just the first page of a google search: there are others — which is worrying, because the number of men in nursery work is tiny. Statistically a male nursery worker is more likely to sexually assault your child than a female nursery worker. It's fact. If you choose to allow a male nursery worker to carry out intimate care for your child that's fine — but you need to be aware of the data.

Totally unreasonable. He's left now but my favourite teacher in nursery was my eldest daughter's teacher and he was a man. He was absolutely amazing.

But if the ratio in a room is 2 adults to 10 children and nappies are routinely changed even twice a day plus out of schedule Pooh's then add potty training how much of a day do you think the female staff member will be in the nappy changing mode? Whilst the other staff member is out working on the enjoyable stuff.....how would you feel if that was you 5 days a week 48 weeks a year? Frustrated, resentful perhaps...then another dirty nappy are you going to be all smiles with each and every child especially when it's the activity you researched and worked on happening and you can't see the children's excitement.....and then the parents rave about that wonderful activity Mr X did he's so fantastic?

There's been several people saying "oh we don't think that men are paedophiles" but then so many more making random claims about men and SA (at least 3 different % have been quoted)

I guess it's because as adults it's a more common and concerning "abuse" we might face.

Babies and toddlers are small, vulnerable, easy to hurt and pass off as "accidents", can suffer long term damage and disability from physical abuse (much easier than an adult) - and lots of this is more likely to come from female carers

To properly RA where your child is safest you need to think beyond SA

Exactly my point.

Do you keep your child away from all men?

Now can you look for statistics on injury and death in nurseries as well as considering incidents that go unnoticed or misreported plus neglect and emotional abuse that won't be factored in.

I wish there were still male childcare practitioners at my DCs' nursery (there used to be). I don't want my DCs to assume that caring is exclusively a women's role and I inwardly cringe every time the staff refer to themselves and each other collectively as 'the ladies'.

Women are completely safe to be around children:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-45824896.amp

https://www.nurseryworld.co.uk/content/news/ex-nursery-manager-sentenced-for-online-child-sex-abuse/

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/four-members-nursery-staff-arrested-27632753.amp

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/nursery-worker-struck-after-abusing-12053458.amp

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13346567/amp/taylor-paul-robertson-son-killed-daycare-alabama-arrest.html

https://www.glasgowtimes.co.uk/news/23326902.mansewood-nursery-staff-physically-emotionally-abused-crying-tot/

https://www.northern-scot.co.uk/news/you-have-been-physically-aggressive-elgin-childcare-worke-345605/

It’s sex actually, not gender that i worry about. And babies and toddlers in a nursery setting where they get nappies changed and are too young to protect themselves and speak up is a different situation from the others you mentioned

Much more safe statistically than men yes - and men have always deliberately sought out occupations and situations where they have access to children to abuse - and we are talking about the most vulnerable children here. But you do you and i’ll do me

It's "how it goes these days" is the most hilarious comment I have seen on MN for months. This is as good as the thread that male gynaecologists must be all be pervs.

What happens when they go to reception and their teacher is a male? Do you pull her out of school lol?

Do men make good fathers?

You are right to feel uncomfortable even though it's sexist and outrageous to feel the way you do. By definition children at a nursery are particularly vulnerable and statistically men are more likely to abuse them. The question I suppose is does the fact they are inherently more suspicious in wanting access to vulnerable children mean that they face greater scrutiny? Look at the Letby case for instance, she got away with it for so long because she was a young pretty woman. A male nurse in similar circumstances would have found themselves under suspicion much sooner.

Just this morning there was an article on the BBC about ex-Paedophile Information Exchange members potentially working in positions of trust with children. The perverts who have offended will probably get weeded out, but it's the ones that haven't yet been caught offending that can work with kids despite their sexual deviancy. I know it's true that some women are paedophiles too but the evidence shows more offences are committed by men.

Is the teacher changing their nappy and taking them to the loo in reception, do they have better language skills to say if anything is wrong

So it's fine for children to be beaten and physically abused to DEATH?

Because that's what we are talking about with women. Physical abuse which can lead to a child DYING

What are you going to do when she's at school and there are male teachers? Not send her?