Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

YABVU
you know that females can be abusers too?
I feel sorry for your child having to grow up with attitudes like yours.
There were 2 male nursery nurses where my children went, they were amazing and very popular with staff, children and parents
Also had 2 male midwives at the hospital I gave birth. I didn't have them at my births but I wouldn't have minded.
Take off your blinkers!

I think it is a bit naive not to be a little wary. I realise it isn’t all men but as the Pelicot trial shows, an awful lot of men lead a bit of a double life. Children this age are so vulnerable and a person with bad intentions could be attracted to working with children. You can’t avoid male staff in nurseries and I wouldn’t want to for the positive reasons already mentioned but I did look carefully at the room set up, visibility of the changing station and number of staff around when I was looking at nurseries.

I do find the over enthusiasm for all these ‘wonderful’ and ‘favourite’ male nursery staff on this thread a bit depressing. I see this attitude from parents about male teachers as well, but when you work with them, they are no more special than the female teachers.

I think it's probably more relevant to ask about the nursery's policy on personal care, toileting etc.

My kids nursery has 2 male staff, they are great. Just as good as the female staff and one was my daughters key worker.

But the reassuring thing for me is that their policy is really clear that nappies are always changed with 2 staff present and the way the loos are set up, there is privacy for the children who are potty trained.

I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time on here op. Well I do, everyone falls over themselves to show how politically correct and edgy they are. I understand your reservations: 99% of all sexual crimes are committed by men. That is not stereotyping it is a fact. Sexual crimes are also on the increase and sexualisation of kids is increasingly trendy too.

Yes we’d all love to be able to trust men and male carers but it is the behaviour of men that make that very very difficult. Decent men should understand that - and women.

And no, they are not more special than female care providers - that’s male domination and misogyny speaking.

His charges include: "190 counts of indecent treatment, 28 counts of rape, 67 counts of making child exploitation material, four counts of producing child abuse material outside of Australia, and 15 counts of repeated sexual conduct with a child. Most of the victims were aged between two and five years old, but one could have been as young as one."

My son has two female teachers and one male teacher. He always comes home with silly stories about his male teacher, laughs as he tells me. Yabu, Op. Of course bad things happen but it's rare. Lots of men are great with kids.

They choose this path for exactly the same reason that women do.

Food for thought is a vile comment in this instance

*nurseries. Educate yourself.

As others have said, the best thing is to find out their policy for changing nappies, so having two staff present or a changing station not hidden away. This can then protect both the children and the staff

Any intimate care at school usually has to involve 2 members of staff

As nurseries can’t be discriminatory you may choose one that doesn’t have male staff, it may not stay that way. Would be pretty crap and unsettling for your child if you had to keep moving your child every time a male was employed.

@Itsoneofthose I didn't feel comfortable sending my child to nursery without being toilet trained. Therefore she didn't attend nursery until she was 3. I work shifts and my husband has flexible hours so it was doable.
In my line of work I hear a lot of stories about abuse which I know has clouded my views as I know if i had a different job I wouldn't know about it/think down those lines.

You ARE worrying disproportionately. But if you're not happy, just choose a different nursery.

If you knew me, you’d know I’m certainly not PC

This!!!! It's just that unfortunately there are not enough men in early years you don't associate men in this environment. It's very worrying that there are so few men.

We had an amazing male member of my DCs pre school and it's great what they bring to the setting. They are more robust, I felt more imaginative quite strict which we needed but just as empathetic.

My dc had an amazing male preschool teacher, he was straight out of his masters then in special education, (specialist preschool) he's now principal of the school. Many of the boys especially responded to him so much better, and with 1/3 class being non verbal autistic, being physically larger helped too as some would be less cooperative to the smaller female staff

DS2 has been fortunate to experience being cared for by male professionals through his childhood.

There was a brilliant male member of staff in the nursery pre-school room who tended to play more physically than the female staff which suited DS very well.

He's had a male teacher in KS1 and the same again in KS2. He was that DS's best teacher. DS1 didn't experience a male teacher until secondary school- his best teacher was only there a year and DS2 didn't have her.

They've had male leaders through Scouting. Their current babysitter is a male young leader that they know through their Scout unit.

I'm glad that they have experienced people of their sex in caring, traditionally female roles. They're fortunate to live with their dad who is an actively involved parent (as he should be!) but there are many boys in there not growing up with positive males in their lives, or just a general absence of males depending on their family structure. An absence of positive male role models perpetuates cycles of toxic masculinity.

I'm well aware of the stats on male violence and sexual behaviours. Safeguarding applies to all staff regardless of sex. The biggest risk is male family and friends, and the benefit of caring male role models considerably outweighs the risks in well-run nurseries/ schools.

Obviously not what I meant 🙄

Sexual abuse is committed by women too. You do know that right? I assume your child is never left alone with their dad or other male family? Will never be allowed to see a male nurse or doctor? Pr join a club because a man might work there?
I'm utterly baffled by people assuming a male in a nursery is more at risk than a female in terms of harming a child. Both have the same checks and references. Most are on probation for 3-6 months meaning they are never left alone with children in that time. Most nurseries have nappy change units which are visible to other staff.
No wonder men don't go in to childcare when they're accused of being a risk to the children. So much for eaual opportunities.

Op your worries are perfectly valid. As someone who's child was abused when she was very young by a man who I would NEVER have suspected I will never vilify a woman for wanting to keep their small child away from men. I don't care if it's not PC.

I do find the over enthusiasm for all these ‘wonderful’ and ‘favourite’ male nursery staff on this thread a bit depressing. I see this attitude from parents about male teachers as well, but when you work with them, they are no more special than the female teachers

this

i do think its good for the children to be around males at nursery and school but i understand your concerns and would agree that maybe you should look at another nursery if you are going to spend the next couple of years worrying

You do know that 99% of sexual abuse is commited by men right? Therefore a male in a nursery is automatically more of a risk.

There was a male nursery worker at my DC nursery. He was fab!! Even baby sat for us.

He got so much grief & attitude from parents that he left the industry 😔 The rest of the staff knew how good he was.

My sons favourite nursery practitioner is a man - he absolutely loves him although he does love the female staff too
Have you looked at the policies around nappy changes? Our nursery does all nappy changes in view of the rest of the staff and phones are banned on the floor. This does reduce risks and they may have similar policies.
Also women can be perpetrators too so rather than choosing a nursery based on sex of their staff I would base it on their policy and procedures to reduce risk.

It is strange that men are always assumed to better than women at everything, even by other women.

I've worked with a few male nursery nurses and early years teachers and they have varied from rubbish to good - often good at "playing" but not good at the other equally/more important elements of the job that takes up more time - but parents universally think they are amazing.
I even worked in a school where parents requested the male nursery teacher over the other class with a female one despite him being short tempered and shouty and the woman being lovely.

And men are very over represented in nursery/school management.