Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

My sons have three younger sisters, and an older sister too. Maybe why they are so aware? They know there is a problem with some men and that this makes women wary of them. That's a shame for them. I do think we have to be careful how we present these things to them though. I want them to feel good about being male, not ashamed.

When the debate was on about whether men should be forbidden from sitting next to kids on planes we just laughed about there being some perks to being male. We don't care. I'd be quite comfortable if someone I was caring for wanted a male only instead. I'd just assume they had their reasons and it wasn't a reflection on me, so who cares?

Not really. Posts of this nature occur with depressing regularity on Mumsnet

It's 26% now. WTAF

Awful post. I worked in a day Nursery for 7 years and one of the best Nursery nurses I ever met was a male manager. You need to get over yourself it’s 2025.

I don’t know if it’s some sort of unconscious gender bias.

E.g. Walking into a nursery full of female staff is the norm and to be expected. However, walking into a nursery full of male staff would be strange, as it’s practically unheard of.

Should it be strange, a male working in a nursery? No, of course it shouldn’t. Would it feel strange? Absolutely, to a lot of people. It’s easier as a woman to imagine why males would have ulterior motives wanting to work in a female dominated profession with small children.

It’s sad that us women (I appreciate not all of us) think like this. And I wish it was an equal world for both genders, but sadly it isn’t.

Anyway @Itsoneofthose , don’t take your child to a nursery where you feel uncomfortable with the staff. And don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for thinking the way you do.

And in 2025, men are still the problem committing the overwhelming majority of sexual crimes. But yeah, come on parents, you’re the problem if you don’t feel comfortable leaving your children with men you don’t know, in a setting where they can change your kids nappies and do other intimate care.

You can’t be for real, have a word with yourself and look up ‘Vanessa George.’

Many eminently respectable and trusted men have images of child porn on their computers. I can’t find any research on women downloading child porn but my guess is that the number would be very small

Please don't use this expression. It isn't "child porn".
It's Child Sexual Abuse Material.

LINK

No nursery will have a policy of not hiring males staff; that’s illegal so you could go elsewhere and still end up with male staff.and personally I wouldn’t want a nursery that was predjucided and would be against hiring one.

at my child’s nursery they only have one male teacher and he’s normally at another location but on the times he is at our site he is amazing with the kids. I would love him to be a permanent teacher.

children need male and female role models; if that can be in the nursery setting then great.

you need to change your attitude quickly before you mess your child up

Of course you could

Yes, we’ve already mentioned that piece of shit, People were so disgusted at her because it’s so rare for a woman to do that. When we hear about male abusers, it’s so common, they don’t stick in our head as much, Men are still overwhelmingly the problem in ‘2025’, which the stats show. You ‘can’t be for real’ if you’re denying that.

Why?

Do you not allow your children around any men, ever then??

how many sex crimes are against under 4s? What are the statistics on those for women v men?
we can demonize half of the population

@MMXXV It wasn’t that I thought he had any unpleasant intentions.He was incredibly lovely, hard working and kind like my own son. It was more about preserving some dignity for my daughter which, on reflection is an extension of how I am. I’m very liberal but also private at times and that’s why I prefer female doctors and nurses for intimate procedures where I can. I naturally did the same for my daughter until she could choose for herself.

We all have different experiences that determine how we feel in different situations. My grandparents and parents spent a lot of time telling me to “cover up” around uncles, brothers etc. Maybe that’s where it stems from? So, rather than it being about the nursery worker, it was more about me and my need for privacy, rather than preventing any SA of any kind, just simply a personal choice.

well men are able to show that they are caring if they are given the chance.
if caring professionals are out of reach for them due to prejudices I they grow up thinking they can’t show they are caring and nothing changes.

also you can’t get equal opportunities for women in the workplace without men also taking on more of the historically female jobs. The barriers need to be broken down for both sexes.

I think this is often the case. As less males go into the profession the ones that do are often really suited to it.

There are lots of amazing female nursery teachers and lots that aren’t so amazing although normally still good. The males seem to fall more into the amazing category as there are less of them so those going in to the profession are probably the ones better suited to it. On the female side you have teachers you are very naturally suited the job as well as others who are good but which may have fallen more into to the profession as they didn’t know what else to do than it being the perfect job for them.

Before they could talk, not really, other than their dad who I had been in a relationship with for many years and trusted, there wasn’t any need. Childcare was female, both our dads were not really involved. My brother lives abroad so we were always around when they had contact, my partner has sisters, both younger and single when our kids were little.

At school they had male teachers but they could talk and tell me if things weren’t right. My sons football coach was male but again my son was older and either us or our female nanny was at training and matches. They had a female swimming instructor and music teacher as we deliberately chose them.

Unsupervised that is, of course we had other men in our lives, friends, work colleagues etc, but not who would have unsupervised access to them and definitely not changing nappies etc.

You’re offered a chaperone because the exam is intimate, not because the GP is male. If you have experience of females doing exams without offering a chaperone then this has not followed policy and procedure correctly.

as for the OP, leaving your child in childcare is emotive and male nursery staff are rightly or wrongly unusual and therefore are are tangible thing that we can look at and say ‘that’s causing me anxiety’. I think it’s an unfair judgement, but one that people are being dishonest about making - even if it’s just a fleeting thought. I think as a society we need to get used to seeing men in caring roles, they have a lot to offer to children and can make amazing role models, my child’s nursery had a few male practitioners who were very well loved by the children and parents.

intimate care in nurseries is done pretty openly to protect all staff, I think it would be unfair to ask a nursery to only allow females to do intimate care, what sort of message would that send about how confident they are about their processes anyway? I would fully expect them to say no to this, and would respect them more if they did.

How do you feel about children having fathers?

Maybe the OP's child was immaculately conceived.

When I was looking for nurseries for my eldest, I viewed 5, all recommended to me by other mums/family/friends

2 I completely ruled out as one had a very corporate feel to it, whereas the other one just felt cold, a bunch of tick boxes, no passion or love for the place. I was suprised to hear other mums spoke so highly of them, I guess what works for one family doesn't work for another.

3 I fell in love with, 1 of the 3, right at the end of our show around, a male nursery nurse walked past, thankfully my daughter was facing me otherwise she would have screamed the place down, at 11 months old.

She really didn't like men apart from her father, her grandads she would tolerate but that was it. She would stay away from uncles on both sides. But now as a 6 year old she absalutely loves her uncles, male cousins, male peers in school and happy to have male teachers.

But then, it was a different story and I wasn't going to push it. So the third nursery was now not an option. We were left with 2 and it all came down to one nursery having more space for kids to play in, whilst the other had smaller rooms.

So yes, go with your gut feeling and only what you and your little one will be comfortable with.

Your child will have male teachers at school.