Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

Wonder if you could fall within discrimination rules if you refused to employ male employees in a nursery

No one would admit this IRL.

This. I also had an awful experience with a male gynae, which I felt coerced in to as I was in severe pain at the time. He did an ‘internal examination’ and at 18 years old I didn’t know what was right or wrong. I am still traumatised to this day. I will protect my children to the ends of the earth to never have to deal with what I’ve dealt with at the hands of men.

How to people explain their distrust of men to their sons?

Thanks, yes it is nice. Even if I couldn’t, I would still not have sent my children to be cared for by men and don’t agree with OP getting a hard time for her views. We all make choices for our children, we’re allowed to do that. We should never worry more about pleasing others than feeling comfortable with our parenting decisions for our own children. We also chose a female music tutor for our children as we felt they would be safer.

I don’t have them but I assume they channel the energy in to making sure as best they can that they are sensitive to the concerns women may have in their presence to do with safety (ie my partner wouldn’t walk closely to a woman at night for example so as not to scare her) and educating them on these issues?

Are you a greengrocer?

Perfectly reasonable! No it isn't actually, it's a protected characteristic and you are discriminating against a person based on their gender.

Change your biase against males to something else. Would it be ok to want only young, only black people to look after your child at nursery?

No it wouldn't be incase you are confused. You are a prejudiced dinosaur.

Easy if you can afford it.
You would struggle in the city we had young children if you couldn't afford a female nanny or SAHM.

There is the case of the (male) Australian childcare worker...

Australian childcare worker charged with sex abuse of 91 children

Since jailed for life...

Notorious daycare paedophile Ashley Paul Griffith sentenced to life in prison for abusing children in Australia and Italy - ABC News

OP you are not being unreasonable that this is your first gut reaction. We read so many horrible things in the news these days! It was also my first reaction when I saw that my nursery had hired a male nursery worker for the Preschool room, ages 3+. However after I saw how the kids and my own son interacted with him my fears were put at ease. They loved him to the point they would be hanging off during playtime and couldn't wait to see him when coming in for the day.

However that being said...I'm still not 100% trusting of anyone with my children, regardless of gender or relationship, and still talk to my children about keeping our private parts "private" and not keeping secrets from mummy or daddy.

It’s not distrust as such, it’s just basing decisions on stats where I choose, to minimise the chance of anything bad happening.

I have an adult son and he understands having seen how some boys and men have behave. He also knows that my father abused me. He knows that women he doesn’t know won’t necessarily trust him and he has to earn that because of other men’s behaviour. He thinks it’s a shame but his sympathy doesn’t lie with men. He has a younger sister and sees what some men are like. Luckily he has a good role model in his dad who also gets it. As a pp said, he knows not to stay walking behind a woman at night as this may cause her to worry. He gets that it’s not personal. He’s been brought up to be aware of the issues with men in society and we’ve done all we can to make him into a good man. I’d be disappointed if he spent his time whinging how it wasn’t fair on his sex, but that’s not who he is thankfully. He and his male friends actually give me hope for the future!

Yes. I wonder too.
My son opted out of teaching because of the bias against men and went to medicin school.

Would some posters assume their son has the wrong intentions if they become a nurse, carer or nursery worker?

My friends daughter is looking for a nursery and out of almost 10 nurseries, only one employs a male so female only settings are not that rare everywhere. But personally we wouldn’t have had children if we weren’t happy with the childcare we could afford.

There are other kinds of damage that can be inflicted on children other than SA. In my experience, women were the worst for that. In fact, in one situation, I was shown great kindness by the male person present. I'm cautious about people in general and wasn't very trusting when it came to people caring for my own children, no matter if they were male or female.

I think statistics show that women are more likely to abuse children if all forms of abuse are taken into account.

I hope not. But if parents have so strong feelings agains men in these professions in sons' childhood the sons might not concider them at all.

I suppose the difference would be that they are known to us?

I have no problem with male workers in childcare settings at all but, in the same way I'd be more wary of a male I don't know generally, I'd not have that with my own son because I know them and what they are like.

I would know my son wouldn’t be doing it for the wrong intentions, but I wouldn’t take offence if others chose a female nurse or carer over him. They don’t know him after all and based on male stats, I’d understand they were just being cautious.

And their sons may learn that their maleness is inherently negative. How sad.

My sons do understand the issues and why women are wary and that this does affect them, even though they are safe males. They're actually quite sensitive to making sure they don't make women uncomfortable of their own accord, which I was impressed with. I did, however, tell them that they shouldn't walk a less safe route just to avoid walking behind a woman, because their safety was also important.

My son’s placement year at uni involved close contact with children, so it doesn’t seem to have put him off. He did encounter a couple of parents who were wary but coped without feeling like he was a victim of discrimination. He knows I would have been as protective of him and his siblings in the same position and that they were just looking out for their kids.

Hi. Yes. I was the same. I’m a very open minded person and work in healthcare alongside some incredible male Drs and nurses but this when I was introduced to the 19 year old man who who be caring for my daughter everything in me went against it. I asked that only the female staff change her. I felt embarrassed asking but it’s what I needed to make me feel I could leave her there. I also ask for female Drs for myself. It’s your child - you get to call the shots. It’s ok. I also cancelled my lovely, trustworthy babysitter when she asked to bring her new boyfriend along. It’s just a strong sense of what I need to do.

My son doesn’t feel negative about being a man. He knows there are good men out there and wants to be one of them. Denying there is an issue with men would be sad. Raising boys to be good men isn’t sad and part of that is them understanding the problems. Having a younger sister has helped my son understand, he also close female friends and mostly female cousins. He sees the issues often, no point denying them and making him feel like a victim, that won’t help things improve for women or men.

Good for you, Being embarrassed, not that you should be, is better than always wishing you had said something.