Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

No, but most nurses are still women.

@MissBrightFire do you have DC? If so did you use a sperm donor? If you have a son will you ostracise them when they are an adult?

Will everyone who don’t trust males in a caring role ostracise their sons when they are adults, or is it only everyone else’s sons you don’t trust?

True. But you can't always choose a nurse 'with the right sex' if you need urgent care or treatment.

Do you move your child to another nursery if a male is employed?

It’s not crazy to make decisions for your child that you feel comfortable with and are backed up with statistics about men, not women, being the major risk to children. Let OP make the decision she wants for her own children and everyone else can make decisions for theirs. I find it so odd that people have such an issue with OPs choice. It’s her choice and you don’t have to do the same.

I do have children. How they were conceived is none of your business. I stand by what I say; no male carers for children. Its not safe.

I haven't said you shouldn't. You do you.

A few years ago then we researched nurseries in our university size city we found no nurseries without male staff.
We would have to drive quite far to a woman only nursery. But as we think male staff is great for children it wasn't an issue.

You are ridiculous

You are totally being unreasonable OP -
All staff are subject to DBS checks and strict vetting processes. It is very very unlikely that you’ll get a character like that - also, women can be abusers too!

This threat is fascinating. In one corner you have the risk assessors and in the other the social engineers. I guess it all comes down to priorities really. I wouldn't be surprised though if a lot of the social engineers didn't start out in the risk assessor's corner, and only moved once they passed 'this particular man' and then went on to have really good experiences. It's parental instinct isn't it? Especially when it comes to strange men around our very small children.

And you are part of the problem, and incredibly naive. Calling a female victim of child sexual assault ridiculous? No male carers for children. It's not safe.

@MissBrightFire but neither could a husband, brother, son, father, grandfather, and statistically more so.

Well if there are males in every nursery as said, then i guess they have to tell themselves these men are great and of course could not be a risk and of course are so better and more popular than all the female carers or they couldn’t leave their babies and toddlers with them day after day

It’s completely valid for you to feel uneasy, especially when it comes to something as precious as your child’s care. These feelings often come from a protective instinct, not necessarily distrust. It’s nice that you’re open to acknowledging the that men can be wonderful carers too but it’s okay to take the time to process your emotions. Nurseries are, as you said, heavily regulated, and staff go through rigorous checks and training. Perhaps spending a little more time observing the nursery environment or speaking to the staff directly might ease your concerns. Ultimately, trusting the place and the people who will care for your little one is very important, and it’s okay to ask questions until you feel comfortable. Your feelings aren’t wrong they’re just part of wanting the best for your child. I hope you find whatever feels best to you.

@Ikeasucks they also have to say all the women there are great and pose no risk to the children. In fact, if we all look warily at the men we might miss the fact that some women abuse too, and they might get away with it whilst we are concentrating on the men

I’m a firm believer that you should be able to, always. In 20 years of nursing, we’ve never not been able to provide a female nurse when requested. Sadly there have been times that we haven’t been able to provide a man for some men who requested one, as there just isn’t that many of them. That’s not requested often though.

I would have moved my child if I had used a nursery that employed a male member of staff, yes.

True but as statistics say around 99% of abusers are male then i’d prefer to take a chance with female carers over male

I would not want male nursery workers doing personal care for either a son or daughter.

But you won't always be able to guarantee that opportunity as a hospital (after all you almost have to be happy to be seen by healthcare professionals at all at NHS these days).

Would you be a SAHM if your city only had mixed staff at nurseries?

Most nurseries here seem to only have female staff. My friends runs one and she’s never employed a male, I doubt she ever would either.

@MMXXV what about consultants/doctors? If there was an emergency and only male members of staff available. After giving birth to DC I had to have emergency treatment, all midwives had been female but the emergency procedure was carried out by male consultant who was available in the early hours of the morning. Could have died waiting for a female member of staff to be available. Didn’t bother me, just wanted to be alive

This feels like a repeat of the male midwife thread where suddenly everyone on mumsnet had a male midwife who was amazing and simultaneously a female midwife who was crap. Chat bots are not subtle.

Interesting that there are such big geographical differences. We have had three children in nurseries and male staff has been common.

I can’t see nursing ever being a mainly men’s profession.

We had a nanny, she was female. I’d do whatever necessary to have my children cared for by women, as would my male partner.

Nice you could afford a nanny. Most parents can't.

For me, I always choose a woman for things like gynae issues now. I had a terrible experience with a male gynae when younger. For my children when younger, I’d choose females for anything personal and was never refused. Now they can choose themselves. Emergency care is different, when it’s life and death, you prioritise, but there are always a team around. Nursery isn’t life and death and it’s easy here to choose female childcare so it’s just not comparable.

I also had a male surgeon operate on me after birth, I was fine with that for me and it was life and death. He was also my friends husband…. Lucky me. 😂