Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

Wow. I cannot imagine how awful that must have been

There are a lot of posters on mumsnet, In general I don’t think it’s the ones who are GC and fight for female safe spaces who have an issue with OPs concerns. That would be slightly hypocritical. I said previously that I’m gender critical, would never let a trans woman do an intimate examination on me and think OP is perfectly reasonable to have concerns.

Where I've seen, there are mirrors and glass walls and all changing takes place in full view of other staff. This is to protect both staff and children. No-one changing a child is really alone with them. If a centre doesn't have this kind of arrangement (and I'm not sure if it's mandatory at this stage), I'd go elsewhere.

Women are generally more caring because they are taught to be. Fact.

Only because they are socialised to be that way from childhood and men aren't.

I work in a nursery and we have a young male student doing a placement a couple of days a week. I think it’s fantastic as it’s not as often you see that in childcare! The children seem to like him

I disagree. It's innate. And thankfully the world at large still sees it that way.

Utterly irrelevant and not comparable.

@Rubydoobydoobydoo thank you for your response! So many people on this thread with frightening levels of denial and naivety. All because it’s uncomfortable to think about for them. I’ll be going elsewhere.

If you don't like male nursery employees, male teachers, male paramedics, male nurses, male care workers, male surgeons etc, that's fine. Don't use those services. As PPs have already highlighted, for little boys without involved or caring dads, male role models are hugely important. Nursery places are in huge demand. Just free up the place for someone who actually needs it!

My sons nursery teacher was male along with a mix of females and male TAs rotating through, he's now in P1 and there is a female teacher, 2 female TAs and a male TA (special school hence high teacher ratio) my DS is not yet toilet trained and honestly it's never crossed my mind to be "concerned" about the sex of his teacher or the TAs, all of his teachers so far have been amazing and have helped him so so much. I understand (to a degree) a kneejerk reaction but then I'd expect you to give your head a wobble and understand anyone, male or female, can be a predator and focus on is this the right environment to help your child thrive irrespective of the anatomy of their teacher

I think you are being unreasonable.

However, I think part of the issue is that there are not enough male staff in early years and lower primary schools so it is still pretty unusual to see them working with very young children.

Lots of people/society dont believe males have/should have that caring side , that is a 'female' role.

When I was teaching Rec/yr 1 (about 15yrs ago) we had a nursery teacher vacancy and our Head (male) said he wouldnt interview a male for the position because 'it wasn't right!'
We all just looked at him in disbelief and told him he was out of line.

As PP have said, if you don't like it you'll have to look elsewhere.

@MMXXV completely relevant and comparable. Sexist nonsense is sexist nonsense.

I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this.

But I thought I’d post it anyway because I was feeling goady.

For what reason for example would a man want to work in an environment where there is no other male amongst their colleagues?

Having worked in nurseries in a former life the male nursery workers aren’t just popular with the children.

They get A LOT of attention from the female staff.

That’s not to say they haven’t been excellent additions to the nurseries though.

The male individuals I’ve worked with have all been excellent, valued members of the team that bring so much to the children in their care - just don’t date one of them. Speaking from experience.

It's never occurred to me no. However, regardless of the staffing crisis, I would've thought that they would've had necessary safeguarding procedures in place. If the OP had mentioned this worry in their original post (they just spoke about male nursery nurses), I'd have been less inclined to go on about male doctors, nurses and care assistants.

@BornSandyDevotional ehhh.. you might want to read the thread more closely.

I don't understand why, many men are extremely tender and kind with little children and make great nursery staff and nursery teachers. I cannot understand why you think otherwise.

Just a sample of a few nurseries policies from a random area I picked in London, all one on one and in ‘private’ to retain dignity etc
OP has a right to be worried about anyone changing nappies/intimate care in private, but owing to (how it’s been explained here several times) men are more likely to commit these crimes than women then she definitely has a right to be concerned - no?

Better safe than sorry. I wouldn’t take the risk and I don’t care what anyone thinks either

A friend works as a nursery nurse locally.
A male nursery nurse was found to be abusing kids- only found out as one of his 3 year old victims spoke out.
Loads of investigations and interviews and toddlers who were likely abused but with no proof there is nothing for some.

He was convicted and jailed.
There were previous interviews at other nurseries but nappy changing areas were seen / not hidden. The nursery he chose to work at had a private changing area where doors could be closed to protect baby's privacy completely.

It never went in the news as there was something legal that stopped media involvement.

So it does happen thankfully not often and I agree I have seen some EXCELLENT male staff who I'd choose before females!

. Scary though as this is so local to me.

He’s not being treated as a pervert, that’s his/your weird take on the situation. He is being treated as a male stranger and men are statistically more of a danger than women. It’s a parent being cautious with her child, as is her right. Nothing more.

When I was first dating my partner, I met him in public places and got to know him first. I didn’t think he was a pervert, but men are the threat and I
just didn’t know him well enough yet to know he was one of the good ones. That takes time. At nursery, you don’t really get the opportunity to get to know staff that way before leaving your child with them, so if OP feels more comfortable without men looking after her child, that’s her choice and is perfectly valid.

Goodness, I thought "PC brigade" had been laughed out of use 20 years ago.

I genuinely think that sadly there’s a lot of parents here who don’t realise the policies and lack of staffing of most nurseries
if you think there’s 2 people changing etc I’d put money on there not being

You're being ridiculous.