Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

That really stood out to me too. And ‘often’…

well said. Women are often too shy to rock the boat or speak up. In the Uk we’ve also become accustomed to services being short staffed and accepting a ‘get what you’re given’ attitude. I have a grandparent who would much prefer female staff took her to the toilet but the glaring reality is, if she eliminated males from her care, she’d never get seen to/ would be waiting for hours. So she just accepts it. I won’t for my daughter though.

We're talking about professional male carers who are fully DBS checked and have safeguarding training!

It is personal. They are being questioned over their abilities and intentions for simply doing their job.

I'd be angry too.

I worked in nursery with a male member of staff. He was so brilliant and the kids loved him. Try not to worry , it'll be okay. He'll be qualified and vetted like everyone else .

Safeguarding training lol half an hour on e-learning.

DBS? If they didnt get caught in the past then its clear.

@Sporklifer don't be so fucking rude, I'm not stupid at all, but are you seriously telling me that a child would be given intimate care by one nursery worker (male or female) alone, because if you are, I'll retract what I've said. The OP didn't suggest that this was the case in their post, and I would've assumed that this practice didn't happen.

This.

I'm a single mum, my daughter had zero decent male role models in her life when she started at nursery. There was a young male worker who was utterly brilliant (he was the only male there at the time)
She is now 10 and he is still working there because he loves his job & is obviously very committed.

@HelenaWaiting i’ve responded in the same tone in which I’m spoken to. I don’t mind if people agree or not. But just mindlessly objecting is worrying…particularly for their children actually.

To me it suggests that you have no idea of the safeguards centres have in place, so ignorance of a different kind, if you like. Between mirrors, cameras and policies about not being alone with a child.

If you're not happy that a centre can protect your child from anyone specific, then you either need a new centre you can trust, or to stay home with them rather than use nursery.

I chose to never put my children anywhere until they were at least 3 and able to communicate how they felt about a place and what was going on there.

The private parts of toddlers are not equal opportunities spaces. Nobody has a right to them and not being allowed access is not discrimination.

It’s not personal at all though. That’s the point. And men that take it that way need to understand why some women/parents feel how they do instead of taking offence. We know that men are more of a risk than women, we don’t know who are and aren’t the good ones. It’s not personal at all.

Women aren't genetically more caring 🤣

Not all women can give birth or chose to give birth. Does that make them less caring?

100% with you OP.

YANBU your fears are rooted in the sad reality of predominantly male initiated sex crime.

I wouldn't send my child to a nursery with two male staff if I could avoid it. DEFINITELY NOT under any circumstances a baby incapable of speech. I have experienced CSA. And average people often are oblivious to grooming when it's happening under their nose for e.g.

Yes, don't get me wrong women can be involved too and are more likely to be able to conceal it and get away with it when they are involved. But statistically, overwhelmingly it's men. I could care less about their feelings on the matter.

I think men can feel upset/annoyed/angry that parents don't trust them and understand why they don't trust them.

Which is why knowing what safeguarding nurseries have in place is the most important part. At DC's nursery, the changing area is in view of the main area.

I'd be less likely to send mine to a nursery with a completely private changing area no matter what sex the nursery workers were.

You can clutch at straws all you like.

A transwoman who is a qualified nurse will also be DBS checked and have completed safeguarding training, and yet I have seen the argument made many times on here that women should be able to decline intimate care or examinations from transwomen on the basis that they are biological males. I don't disagree with this but there seems a big disparity between what is said by the majority on those threads and what is being said by the majority on this one. If we need to be aware of the risk posed by men and allow people the choice to mitigate that risk by refusing certain care from them then that needs to be across the board, not only when it's a gender critical adult who doesn't want a transwoman doing her smear test.

Wait til you find out they let women fly planes and everything these days, OP. World's gone made hasn't it?

My youngest was in the care of a male carer at one stage. When I saw him, I had the same worries as you OP, then quickly gave myself a mental slap on the wrist for being so judgemental.

A few months later, he ended up in jail serving a long sentence for child sexual abuse on about a dozen kids (not mine thank christ).

So, I don't blame you for feeling this way. I mean, as others have said, you're not going to be able to protect your child 100% of the time, but given male carers aren't that common, if you're not comfortable, I'm sure it'd be easy enough to find another centre.

Exactly

He can be angry he is being treated as some sort of pervert and understand why that might be

And you can perpetuate stereotypes and nonsense all you like

Thank you, very well said.

You seriously think given the staffing crisis’ in nurseries that they are taking children to the toilet/ nappy changes in twos? Seriously?

Women are generally more caring than men and thus better suited to caring and nursery roles. Facts.