Father’s behaviour towards child

[Questions112]

Posting for traffic.

I am after some quick opinions on a situation this evening.

4 year old was in the bathroom before bed, and ‘D’P decided it would be funny to lock them in from outside. I asked him not to but was ignored. Unsurprisingly, 4YO got upset and cried when they realised they couldn’t open the door (they could have unlocked it from inside, but panicked).

4YO ran straight to me afterwards as they knew DP had locked the door. DP then told them they weren’t a baby anymore and should think about the situations they are in and not cry (to clarify - DC IS FOUR YEARS OLD!).

I’m just left with a really bad feeling and don’t know if I am overreacting.

YABU - totally fine and normal behaviour from DP
YANBU - not normal and cruel

The fact that your small child thinks he is mean already is quite telling. Is that from his behaviour towards you or smaller mean actions towards her?

Get someone in to remove those lockable door handles tomorrow.
You know you need to leave but make sure you've documented this arseholes behaviour.
Your poor DD, please hurry things up she needs you to do the right thing now not next year.

Your "partner" is a sadist.

He is vicious and cruel to his own child for fun.

Leave or get him out asap.

Horrible, horrible man and a nasty bully. I'm getting sick of these awful excuses of a human being doing stuff like this to kids.

Please read my post carefully.
i am saying it was an accident and it shook him up but OP’s partner did it on purpose which is
shocking and disturbing. If an accident caused so much drama, when you are being locked by a person who you trust can really mess with you..
and i didnt have to tell my 4yrs old “u can do it, trust urself” because it was a stuck lock as i said and we had to break it and force entry so thanks for ur unwelcome advice.

Psycho thing to do whether your child is 4 or 34. Sounds like you're dumping his unhinged ass. Good luck OP and well done standing up for yourself and your tiny little girl x

WTF? I have little girls and this post breaks my heart.
Please find the strength to leave this cruel abuser

Hoping you're not my ex's wife, he did same to our 2yo to teach her a lesson. Poor kid is 13 now and still terrified of the dark

Quite a significant number of dads are their child's first bully. It's fucking awful tbh.

In fairness, those handles are probably safer than any other type of lock that can't be accessed from outside, we had them in the house growing up and you could just turn it with a 2p coin to get in if necessary.

You shouldn't have to do this OP, but it may be worth teaching her how to get out if it was locked in again, normally they are just a thumb turn latch inside, could she actually do it if taught or is it too stiff for her to operate anyway?

She knows how to do it. She just panicked (unsurprisingly IMO) when she realised she was locked in. I can’t even look at DP, I’m so angry.

That's the sort of thing my older brother used to do to me. I hated it and used to cry but he was my brother not my dad and he did get thoroughly bollocked for it. If you can't trust your mum or dad to keep you safe from fear or harm, who the hell can you trust? Bottom line, your DH is an absolute arsehole and bully and doesn't sound fit to look after, or even be around, a child.

The thing is, OP, you've already acknowledged that this is similar to what he does to you. And now its the first time he has done it to her.

So as a fully grown adult, you can decide for yourself what you want to do about the behaviour directed to you. Your choice to stay with him and put up with it or leave.

Your child has zero powers to step out of this dynamic, and now its affecting her - happening to her. So now you don't get the luxury of choice. You have to act.

OP, she knows he is mean.
She knows it is not normal.
She has verbalised he is mean to you.
She will tell someone.
If she mentions it to a teacher, they will be obligated to report it to SS.
Talk to your GP.
Self report to SS.
Let it be clear that you are fleeing his abuse of you and now the children.
See if help can be offered.

Jesus…. That’s awful. Sounds like he is testing your boundaries , I wonder what he’ll do next? I’d be seriously considering g this relationship and I absolutely wouldn’t leave my child alone with this man. Sounds like a nasty piece of work.

I never usually say this, but I would not stay one more minute in a house with this man. Protect your child.

So he was doing it purely for his own entertainment then, not even in a ridiculously misguided attempt at trying to teach her anything.. that is disgusting, I'm not surprised you are so angry about it.

Sorry if I've missed it, but is he her actual dad OP? I would consider cruel behaviour like this from a step parent coupled with a complete inability to empathise with how it made her feel to be a real warning sign of serious future abuse, you hear about low level stuff like this, it's like the abusers are seeing what they can get away with, before escalating, normalising and gaslighting until the victim thinks it is all their fault.

If this is what he does to you, then it looks like he will do exactly the same to your daughter, it's up to you to stop it OP, please don't let her become a victim of that.

He's a sadistic prick. Get yourself and your child away from him.

Put a chair under the handle when your dh is in the bathroom and tell him to see how it feels. He’s a bully.

Lock the prick outside the front door, throw his stuff out of the window. Keep key in lock. Get locks changed. Call police if any shenanigans from the prick. Sorted.

This is one of the nastiest things I have read on here, which is saying something. He tormented the poor child for fun.. he absolutely knew the child would be scared and upset and did it precisely for that reason. Its actually hard to fathom.

OP are both of you on the mortgage/tenancy?

This is similar to my ex who bellowed in DD3's face to 'teach her a lesson' about learning not to call across the house to me. She was so scared she wet herself and hid under a coffee table.

Horrible bullying behaviour and a big reason why I left him.

I would leave someone who did that to a 4 year old child.
That is disgusting behaviour by your partner - is he your child's father? I hope not for your child's sake.

That behaviour needs to be reported to SS, Health visitor or school so that it becomes part of the evidence to use to deny him unsupervised access to your poor child. You need to safely leave this man. Please contact Women’s Aid. 💐