Why do the majority of dads get it so easy?? *edited by MNHQ*

[Msw1981]

I just need a rant, so sorry! My husband of 14 years (been together for 21) we have two boys who are 11 and 8, he walked out on us all 8 weeks ago. I have the boys 12 nights out of 14….how is it fair that I have to deal with everything? All the doctors appointments, after school clubs, all the admin that goes with having kids, but he can go out whenever he wants and enjoys himself yet I am here looking after the children AGAIN! Ahhhhh

realised I put mums not dads in the title- sorry I meant why do dads get it so easy???

Your title doesn't make sense?

It's the patriarchy. HTH.

Sorry for what has happened but not sure why this means majority of mums gave it so easy? Did you mean dads?

Because the alternative is not seeing them 50% of the time and most of these "dads" weren't that fussed on having kids in the first place, even if they said they were.

Yes, are you suggesting the majority of single mums have it 'easy'? I have my son 100% of nights. Sees his dad 2 days a month. Can't make his dad see him more than this. It's very common. Unfair but common.

Did you mean the majority of MEN get it easy in your title?

Anyway, it sounds really tough. I'm sorry OP. Is there no chance that you can have a more equal split?

Why don't you just let them live with their dad and you have the 2 days?

Reading threads on MN lately it makes me wonder if women would do better on their own. Men seem to make life very difficult for a lot of women.

Sorry I meant why do dads not mums!

YANBU at all.

But at the same time, given the choice I imagine you would rather be the parent doing 12 nights than 2, and that even though it's hard you want to give that labour to your children. And even if they don't see it now, when they're adults they'll see all you did for them, and all he didn't.

And that's why it happens. Women (rightly IMO) place more value on the importance of raising children. Cold comfort now I know.

He’s walked out on her and the boys and clearly doesn’t want to do that, nor is that what she’s saying. She’s allowed to vent and feel angry about it. It’s still going to be very raw.

Because most women wouldn’t leave their kids behind if they were leaving. I increasingly think women on the whole are just better humans than men (on the whole). Sorry Op, it’s shit and your ex is a lazy selfish twat.

I found this when my dh stayed with his mum for 4 days when we had a really bad row...I was left with 3 kids and pregnant. Hardest 4 days in a long time

You would rather go out whenever you want than have your children?

I think some moms prefer it?

I dunno but if I had children and had to do the bulk of childcare and life admin I would be LIVID.

Listen OP, yes it’s shit. But who do you want to be in life? Do you want to be the person who contributes to wrecking their child’s trust, mental health and ability to build relationships and who betrays people or do you want to be good, loyal anc contributing to bringing functioning, loving human beings into the world?

Do you want to have it easy and be a shithead?

Honestly think if it was up to men alone the birth rate would drop dramatically,

Doesn’t mean he won’t knock someone else up in the next 6 months mind 🙄

My question to you is how much of the kid admin did your husband do while you were together? Very little, I imagine... It's just what men do and we let them get away with it.

That's what I have to do, and I have been livid for the last 9 years. I only hope that one day I have the opportunity to get my revenge.

Why have you got 12/14 days of childcare? Did you discuss a more even split of the childcare?

It doesn't seem fair at all. And must be very hard work and exhausting for you.
How did you arrive at this agreement?

YADNBU. Mine left and didn't see the kids for a year. Paid no money. I had five children under ten and he took himself off to the other end of the country. The only bonus is that now I have a great relationship with them all while he is...distant at best. But I was furious at how he got away with doing no childcare, paying nothing towards their expenses and nobody hauled him over the coals for his behaviour.

lol YANBU

In the last 4 years my exh has had more situationships and relationships than I've had hot dinners. I can't even get past a second date. I don't have the time for what dating involves these days!

People think it's great though because I get 2 weekends off a month "to myself"

Oh also my exh pays hardly any maintenance but when he does I'm told it's good that he is "helping out"

Because men are crap. (Yes, I know NAMALT blah blah blah)