Why do the majority of dads get it so easy?? *edited by MNHQ*

[Msw1981]

I just need a rant, so sorry! My husband of 14 years (been together for 21) we have two boys who are 11 and 8, he walked out on us all 8 weeks ago. I have the boys 12 nights out of 14….how is it fair that I have to deal with everything? All the doctors appointments, after school clubs, all the admin that goes with having kids, but he can go out whenever he wants and enjoys himself yet I am here looking after the children AGAIN! Ahhhhh

realised I put mums not dads in the title- sorry I meant why do dads get it so easy???

I would also be deeply offended if someone accused me of defending men!

Earlier posters nailed it.
The majority of men are not that fussed about having children in the first place. They go along with it because it’s what their girlfriend/wife wants. Only a tiny percentage of men would leave a happy relationship if their girlfriend/wife said she was not having children.
They quite like the idea of having a child, but that means kicking a ball around in the park on summer days. Turning up to events such as BBQs with a partner and child in tow. Being part of a family instead of single. Seaming to appear like everyone else.
In reality if they cared that much they would push for at least 50% custody, do part time work and make sure their job fitted around taking the children to and from school/childcare. They would take more paternity leave. They would sacrifice their career so that their oh could persue theirs. They would parent their child, instead of ignoring them and scrolling on their phone.

They will however, go through the cycle again in order to pacify the new woman.
In short most men will do whatever it takes to keep the woman they are fucking happy. Once they get bored of fucking that woman, both her and any children are toast.

Also many women will happily accept these men into their lives and have even more children. Then lo and behold, when he does the same to them they appear shocked that their oh could do such a thing. 😏

@Pumpkincozynights only a 'tiny percentage of men' want children? What utter nonsense.

Possibly a larger percentage than women but nowhere near a tiny percentage

That isn't what she said is it?

Seashells no I disagree.
How many men do you know who have left a blissfully happy relationship because their wife/girlfriend refused to have children? By your logic it must be a lot.
Does not happen.

My ex was a great Dad even when we spilt up until he met somebody else, then the kids were very low down on his priority list. It has been really hard raising two DC pretty much alone but the reward is that now they are young adults they can see the situation with their own eyes. They barely spoke to him last year and it really cuts him up but it is too little too late, whilst I maintain a fantastic relationship with them.

I got that. Oh he's so good having them 36 hours every 2 weeks 🙄🙄🙄

Thank you 🙏

It was the whole point of her rant. Not fair that she has the kids while he can do what he wants.

My friends ex-dh was a great father. He loved his daughter and would say, in a jokey way, that if they ever spilt up, he'd fight for full custody of his Dd.
So, it was a shock to my friend when they did split up, he barely ever saw his daughter again. Just the odd overnight stay in school holidays with his parents.
It seems that men can just switch off from their dc so easily.

I remember somebody once said to me men want children the way children want a dog and it is such an accurate way of describing it.

In reality if they cared that much they would push for at least 50% custody, do part time work and make sure their job fitted around taking the children to and from school/childcare. They would take more paternity leave. They would sacrifice their career so that their oh could persue theirs.

I am not sure this is fully accurate. It imagines a world where most women would be happy to be the main earner while the man is the supporting partner. I think this really is only true for a minority of women. I am surrounded by highly educated and high earning women and it is interesting the number of divorces I have seen linked to her resentment at her being the more ambitious / higher earning one.

Well there are hardly any women who don’t want children so the fact it rarely happens is because that situation rarely arises.

Is that not simply because the men don't actually pick up the slack, so the woman has to be the main earner and all of the childcare and housework on top? There are plenty of studies to show women still do the majority.

Also I am not sure it is accurate to say fewer men want children compared to women.

I am trying to find data for the UK I have found so far for two countries and both show more men than women wanting children (South Korea and Canada).

I shall keep looking but I think some people are confusing not wanting children with not wanting to parent them.

I think most men want a legacy in the form of kids as long as they can offload most of the care onto others.

Maybe she just wants an equitable split. Not simply “going out whenever she wants”.

Sounds like she is doing 90% while he is doing 10%.

Wanting 50/50 still would not mean “going out whenever she wants.”

No.

Or at least I don’t think so.

I will link to studies I have seen on this but I have not seen anything that suggests most women would prefer to have a primary carer / domestic focused male partner while she focuses on making money.

Yanbu but expectations of dads are on the floor from the moment that babies are conceived.

It has sometimes annoyed me that ex can make decisions like moving house without considering the kids but I’d rather be in my shoes with the kids than his overall and it’s paid off because my kids are adults who can see and appreciate the effort and my relationships with them are strong.

Sorry for your loss.

@ManchesterPie I'm so sorry for your loss. I expect you're doing a much better job than you think you are. Don't be too hard on yourself. Parenting alone must be hard enough- but when you're also grieving...I can't imagine how tough that is.