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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is 6-8 months too soon to get engaged if you're mid 30s?

102 replies

Wooooah · 07/01/2025 18:16

Or at least saying you want to be engaged soon?
If i were in my 20s I would definitely wait longer, no children on either side but both want children.
Don't want to fall into the pattern I did with my ex of living together for years with no commitment as he was never ready.

OP posts:
TangerineClementine · 07/01/2025 18:21

It's normal for things to move faster if you meet in your 30s rather than your 20s. 6 months does seem very quick though! Are you saying that you'll propose after 6-8 months and finish with him if he says no?

CheshireCats · 07/01/2025 18:21

We were living together after 6 months and engaged shortly after that. Married 18 months after we met. We've now been married over 20 years, so I would say, if it's right, it's right! We were early 30's.

user2848502016 · 07/01/2025 18:21

No, I don't think so, we talked about the future and what we wanted etc after a few months. Engaged officially after nearly 2 years and married about 18 months after that. We were 28 when we got married.
Married 15 years now.

Derogations · 07/01/2025 18:26

Engaged after 6 months and married at 1yr. Been together 20plus years. Not a perfect marriage but we wouldn’t have known that after 2yrs or 2yrs of courtship. It was only once we had a family that we really got to know each other. And I am still glad we didn’t wait. People waste so much time when they should be getting on and having babies

Devilsmommy · 07/01/2025 18:27

Met my DH when I was 35, engaged after 5 months and married after 1 year. DS was born a month after our wedding 😁

BIossomtoes · 07/01/2025 18:29

My parents met and married in just over a year. They celebrated their 64th wedding anniversary so they got something right.

Ridelikethewindypops · 07/01/2025 18:29

I was going to say yes, definitely. But I can see I'm the minority 😄
How long have you known each other and do you live together?
I'd think it's too soon if you literally just met 6 months ago, and presumably didn't move in together immediately?

ItsBulkingSeason · 07/01/2025 18:29

We met early 30s and were engaged after 9 months and married on our 3rd anniversary. No children planned but if we were going to we would be getting on with it.

OurDreamLife · 07/01/2025 18:30

Too fast. You can’t even really know them fully at that stage.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 07/01/2025 18:30

Personally no, 6 months isn't long enough for me to commit to spending the rest of my life with someone. Especially if you're 30s, it's almost worse than 20s as financially your probably better off and marriage would mean property and savings all joining.

Mew2 · 07/01/2025 18:32

30- been going out 6 months- anniversary was in itu with lots of drama (hubby not me)...
Engaged at 9 months, married at 18 months, now been married 5.5years....
Had a child at 32...

Birdscratch · 07/01/2025 18:32

I don’t know. It sounds fast to me but then there are loads of people who are engaged for 4+ years which I don’t understand either. To me, you get engaged, you start planning the wedding and you’re married within 18 months max. Lots of people seem to view it as more of a sign that they’d like to get married at some unspecified point in the future.

sunflowerblooms · 07/01/2025 18:37

We were engaged after a few months in our 30s and married soon after and still incredibly happy many years later. We had a lot of big conversations early and were totally on the same page about everything - zero red flags. So I think it's ok as long as both are open and emotionally secure!

ClapKissBang · 07/01/2025 18:38

Personally, it’s too soon for me. I met my partner when I was 27 and got engaged two years later. We’ve been married for five years now. In hindsight, I could have married him sooner, as he is a good catch.

All experiences will vary, but I found dating older and secure men much easier than dating someone a similar age to me at the time.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/01/2025 18:39

do you not want to live together first?

NordicwithTeen · 07/01/2025 18:39

I think 8 months is usually long enough to see what someone is like, especially if you have lived together? People hide things from partners all the time and you often see women on here who have been married a decade or more that had no clue some things had been going on. If you both want kids and you've discussed finances, parenting styles (will he be too authoritarian? etc), religion and even holiday plans (does he like to go away/will you organise or him etc) then I don't think there's much more you can do to safeguard in reality.

LoveThatDog · 07/01/2025 18:40

If you’ve only known each other for that long, I’d say yes. You can’t know someone that well in such a short time. That’s not to say it can’t work out, but I wouldn’t take the chance. Unless you’re going to have a long engagement whilst still getting to know each other but that wouldn’t be for me either.

Acc0untant · 07/01/2025 18:40

For every one story where someone got engaged at 6 months and has since been together 40 years there'll be another where they rushed into it and split after a few years. Nobody can really tell you if it'll work unfortunately.

JustMeHello · 07/01/2025 18:41

My parents met in August. 6 weeks later, my dad turned up on my mum's doorstep (in another country) and moved in. One Tuesday morning in March my dad said 'do you think we should get married?' and the Wednesday of the next week, they did. That was in 1969 and they're still together.

Do what works for you OP, everyone is different.

NotAPartyPerson · 07/01/2025 18:42

Personally I'd want to do a year of living together before engagement, but then have a short engagement. However I think it's totally acceptable/preferable/should be encouraged to have these conversations at 6 months so you know you're both on the same page/heading in the same direction.

Olika · 07/01/2025 18:43

I think if you are in your mid/late 30s and dated enough to recognise when you have met the person it's different with moving fast is normal. I knew within 5 months I was ready to take it to next level. Told my now DH we should try TTC at 6 month mark.

NotAPartyPerson · 07/01/2025 18:43

NordicwithTeen · 07/01/2025 18:39

I think 8 months is usually long enough to see what someone is like, especially if you have lived together? People hide things from partners all the time and you often see women on here who have been married a decade or more that had no clue some things had been going on. If you both want kids and you've discussed finances, parenting styles (will he be too authoritarian? etc), religion and even holiday plans (does he like to go away/will you organise or him etc) then I don't think there's much more you can do to safeguard in reality.

Yes this is a good point actually. Talking about the future and being compatible in these ways is probably the most important thing.

GammonAndEgg · 07/01/2025 18:44

CheshireCats · 07/01/2025 18:21

We were living together after 6 months and engaged shortly after that. Married 18 months after we met. We've now been married over 20 years, so I would say, if it's right, it's right! We were early 30's.

Similar to me. Engaged at 6 months, married at 14 months, together over 20 years. We were early 30s.
Baby followed 9 months after the wedding

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/01/2025 18:44

I think it's fine as long as you aren't planning to elope to Gretna and get married tomorrow. By the time the actual wedding rolls around you will surely have been together more than a year, and if you are both sensible people in your 30s I think that is long enough to decide on marriage.

klimtchakra · 07/01/2025 18:45

My parents were married after 6 months! Married over 30 years before one passed away.