Is 6-8 months too soon to get engaged if you're mid 30s?

[Wooooah]

Or at least saying you want to be engaged soon?
If i were in my 20s I would definitely wait longer, no children on either side but both want children.
Don't want to fall into the pattern I did with my ex of living together for years with no commitment as he was never ready.

I don't think age makes a difference. You don't know what someone is really like after a few months.

You can set time limits though. After a year or two, if all seems well and no big red flags, you can propose.

It's fine if you vetted and no red flags.
Eg met all family, seen how they live in their own place, verified finances, work and identity, no crim rec or MH or addictions, gone on holiday together abroad., agree on life views including religion, parenting styles and money. Have the same vision for the future ie not one wanting to stay at home and the other is thinking of both full time working

My parents met in late August aged 29 and 31 and got married in December the same year. They were together for more than forty years and were very happy. However I do think the bigger issue is making sure you are on the same page about things like money, interests, equal free time, how you deal with conflict and so on. DF and DM both shared an interest in books, and had a spark between them (though I really don't want to think about that 🤣) but I don't think that alone would have sustained them through three children close together and 20 something years of poor health for DH. The things that helped were both of them being concerned with fairness and making sure that the other was getting time to themselves/equal access to family money/etc etc and good communication.

I think, as a pp has said, that in your 30s you tend to more fully formed as an adult and know yourself more. More importantly, you know what you want (and don't want) in a partner.

Like I said, not for everyone but not to be dismissed altogether.

Met DH on 3rd Jan 2004 and we married in the August! First child born June 2005.

I was 36 when we met.

We had a second dc and have a great marriage.

We were engaged 2 months after meeting , and married 6 months later
Its been over 30 years now , so I think we’ll be alright

DH and I got engaged aged 30 after knowing each other 8 months. 10yrs later still happily married. If you know you know. But do it for that reason, not because you're worried about waiting to long. It's right when you both feel it's right. It'll be different for every couple

I don't think that's too soon at all if you know you've met the right person. I met my husband just before my 18th birthday. We started living together three months later - it would have been sooner than that but it was very hard to find rental properties at that time if you weren't married. That was 49 years ago and we're still happy together.

I don't think it's so much about length of time, as how well do you know each other. Do you know each others politics, views on how finances work, how to raise children?
Have you had an argument yet - not ideal 6 months in, but I feel you don't really know someone until you've seen how they handle disagreement.

I think some people can know each other deeply in a short time, while you can know other people for years but only superficially. Only you know how well you know each other.

I think in your 30s you're more likely to know who you are compatible with than in your 20s.

I think I would want a year at least. Unless you already knew him before being a couple.

For all the couples who married after 6 months and are still happy years later...I know so many of these who may still be together but are not happily together, or have been through acrimonious breakups.

We knew were going to be together for ever after 4 weeks, moved in after 5 months, bought a house after a year

It’s not too soon at any age although more reasonable older. I know people who married on the 1 year anniversary of their first date (no idea how long they dated before getting engaged) and they are still happily married, years later.

Also an engagement is just an agreement to marry. The actual engagement itself can last years!

I honestly don’t think you can ever tell.

I married very young, very quickly and have been very happy.

There are many couples who did the same and had very unhappy marriages and nasty break ups.

Just the same as people who marry after a longer time some marriages are good some are not.

We met in the December, got engaged the following July and married the following May. I was 33 and he was 36 when we met. 3 kids and 20 years later we are still happy. Do what you feel is right for you

No, it's not too quick. Long periods of cohabitation are not indicative of a stable marriage.

In many cultures it's standard. There are pluses and minuses.

If you follow the relationship threads, the number of ones that start "together for 18 years, married for 3 and now dh is leaving me / cheating " is very high. There is no recipe.

Got engaged after 5 months , married after 18 months, aged 20 . We have now been married now over 40 years . Worked for us , but every couple is different and I would have been secretly worried if either of our DC had got engaged so soon .

Married within 2 years of meeting. Best decision ever and we are going into our 25th year

We had a long distance relationship (DH overseas) for a year, and then 18 months of closer contact before we got engaged, and married 18 months later. But we were 35+, and now we are heading towards 30 years of being married. He's still capable of being funny, interesting, charming and totally irritating within 10 minutes five times a day. I like him, and love him and his absence would take the floor out of my world. But we are ageing and one day it will happen. I close my mind to that.

We'd known each other 3 months when, without any planning on my part, I suggested getting married and he said yes.
26 years so far

I would live with him for at least a year beforehand. Minimum.

Decided to get married a few weeks in, got engaged officially 7 months in.
Been happily married for years.

Depends what you've gone through in that time.

Have you had enough situations where one or both of you are under stress (illness, problems with family illness/bereavement, job stresses, moving house etc etc) and therefore have seen how you are, individually and together, when you're each not at your best?
Likely worth living together for a bit too... That can throw up different expectations and areas of incompatibility or conflict.

In general, the new relationship bonding buzz of oxytocin lasts about 18-24 months, so ideally you shouldn't really make any decisions before that time, as you are, quite literally, chemically impaired on decision making. Wait for the honeymoon period to be well and truly worn off first.

That said, you can have the conversations and explore each of your ideas of marriage and children well before that, and being engaged doesn't change the legal state, so you can always progress in those ways without making the legal commitment too early.

If you're in your thirties and you want children, I wouldn't be waiting a year to get engaged and then taking more time to plan a wedding. I see nothing wrong with asking him how he sees your relationship progressing. You haven't got years to spend on a non-starter. I was engaged within the year, and that was more than 30 years ago and we're still very happy together. I don't understand this mumsnet fixation on long drawn out "courtships" going in for years. I got married when I was 29 and he was 31.

I’d prefer to know someone a bit longer but know plenty of people who have done so and it’s worked out well.

We got engaged at 6 weeks, married at 18 months and have been married for over 20 years now. We were in our 20's.

If it feels right, why wait? If you're having doubts, wait.