My eldest DD split up with her boyfriend of five years in the summer. She had introduced him to her friendship group from school and he and his friends became part of this group and they all hung out together, went to parties etc.
The last year of the relationship was pretty awful for my DD. Her boyfriend would drink too much and become verbally abusive towards both her and other friends in the group. He would push her around and although he didn’t actually hit her, she became pretty scared of his unpredictability when he was drunk. She didn’t talk to us about this until they had split up. We saw a placid and sweet, if a little sad at times, guy that we had grown to love and care about as a family.
His mental health took a decline in the last two years they were together and we helped him to find a counsellor and gave him as much support as we could at this time. He was reluctant to talk to his parents and we did what we could to help while maintaining an appropriate amount of distance. We also encouraged him to talk to his parents which he ultimately did in the end, and they were very supportive and helpful when he opened up to them.
DDs female friends would tell her she needed to split up with him constantly toward the end. They saw this destructive behaviour from him and were at the receiving end of it many times. They were concerned for DD and the effect it was having on her. So in the summer DD had got to breaking point and broke the relationship off.
Since then DDs friendship group from school has completely ostracised her. Her closest friend dating back to primary school (and the most vocal about the relationships toxicity) has stopped messaging her and coming round. We were very close to her as a family and supported her through the toughest of times. I have taken her to hospital appointments and out for lunch afterwards for example. She’s been to family celebrations throughout the years and has basically been a part of our family since my DD became friends with her at the age of five.
My DD is devastated that her closest friend has sided with her ex, knowing all the details about how he was towards her during their relationship. There are constant posts of the friend and ex out together on social media. Just those two and as part of the wider friendship group. There was radio silence from her at Christmas and new year. There is no romantic involvement or interest from either side, I know that 100% so it’s utterly baffling. My DD has no friends to celebrate her upcoming 21st with and is understandably confused and very upset. I can’t help but feel really disappointed with this girl we have known and been close to as a whole family for so long, but I know I need to maintain a healthy distance from this situation.
I so desperately want to message her and tell her hurtful her behaviour has been towards my daughter and supposed best friend, but I know this is being far too involved in my daughters business. But it’s no exaggeration to say that my DD is devastated by this sudden withdrawal of friendship and she’s so so lonely right now. I’ve advised her to unfollow all of them on social media so she can’t see their posts, but she’s yet to do this. I won’t write this message to her but I really really want to!!
I guess what I’m asking for is some reinforcement from the wise mumsnetters to remind me of why this would be a bad idea, because my fingers are hovering over the keys right now.
Thank you for reading to the end of a ridiculously long post. As I write this I realise how overly invested I seem. I’m just so sad for my DD and disappointed in her friend’s choices.