Unused embryos - is this a ridiculous thought?

[Whattodonowandthen]

This is probbly going to sound odd, but emotionally, it would bring me the greatest closure.

I've been lucky enough to complete my family, due to the miracle of IVF. I do however have four embryos still at the clinic. Every year, I pay for storage and the reality is I cant bear the thought of them being 'destoyed'.

They legally cannot be donated, nor used for research.

The only way i feel like i could emotionally say goodbye to them would be if I had them transferred back into me, but at a time of my cycle that means they would not result in a pregnancy.

I know that sounds ridiculous, but it would feel like they were at least coming to a natural end in me, not in a petri dish.

Is this even a legal option? Has anyone else considered this? Any words of advice if it's not possible?

That is quite common in some cultures

Pregnancy can result at the most unexpected time in a cycle op. Not worth the risk imo.
My friend donated hers to research no problem.. Yet you say legally you can't?

Could they be returned to you and buried somewhere? Sorry if this sounds insensitive, just a thought and I'm not sure it's even possible.

Are you sure they can't be donated? I got letters asking whether we wanted to continue to freeze them or whether I would like to donate them to an infertile woman. At the time I was knee deep in tiny children, one with SEN and physical problems, elderly parents etc and hadn't the brain space to make such a huge decision. But I have since wished I had chosen to donate them. This was maybe 18 years ago - perhaps the law has changed since then.

We had 6 leftover which were all donated to the clinic for research, so it's absolutely not illegal.

@SereneCapybara The OP or her partner (if he would consent) may no longer be in the age parameters to allow for donation. Most common cause for not being able to legally donate.

Without getting into the reasons why, they 100% cannot be donated or used for research. I appreciate this is an option for many people who have IVF, but there is a sizeable group who cannot, legally.

Sounds like a waste of money tbh.

You also can't legally donate to another couple if either part of the embryo (egg or sperm) was donated.

Yes what you describe is a fairly common practice and your fertility clinic will be aware of it.

I have heard of this in the US. They call it “compassionate transfer”.

Did you use donor eggs or sperm? If so, and the donor has reached their UK quota of 10 families, it might still be possible to donate your embryos abroad.

I have the same problem OP. Just paying each month at the moment. Until last year there was a sort of maybe in me about another baby. Definitely not. I was thinking of transferring at a fertile time and seeing what happened, but not doing all the blood tests etc that they had me doing before.

Someone did say to me once that maybe stem cell treatment might be possible from embryos one day (for my existing children if needed). I use that to justify paying and not making a decision about it.

We had this same dilemma , we made the decision we were not going to try for anymore children so made the decision to let them go. It's one of the hardest decisions I have ever made and it broke my heart to let them go after what we'd gone through to create them. Felt like I was being terrible that I'd got the child I'd longed for and these embryos were surplus to requirement and could be disposed of, I was distraught. But ultimately we were just prolonging our agony by going through the same painful conversations every year. So we asked to have them and we buried the vial that contained them under a tree that is special to us. I told them I loved them and I was sorry and then we made an effort to try and not dwell on the situation. Someone else I know kept the vial in a drawer and another signed the papers to let them go and never gave it a second thought. You just have to do what's right for you but only when you feel strong enough to do it x

I have heard of people who have implanted to allow the to perish naturally but you have to be sure that if it resulted in pregnancy (possibly multiple) that you would be ok with that.

We had some left over and donated to research, if that hadn’t been an option I would have allowed them to be destroyed. I personally wouldn’t have wasted 1000s to cover storage costs indefinitely. Is there a time limit on storage? I think ours was 10 years without gaining further consent.

Ah, I have this same struggle, and have been paying up every year but this year thinking about whether it is time to stop. I am definitely finished my family and would not be comfortable with donating to another family. I always thought I would donate for research and maybe I will do that, but somehow the decision is more difficult than I thought. I have 4 in storage also. In a way that is easier I think than if I had 1 as I would be more tempted to just transfer it. I don't think I would go for compassionate transfer, as there is always a small risk of success, as well as the time and cost involved. I also catastrophise about something happening to my children and that changing my decision not to have any more. Sigh - probably paying for another year!!

You can if consent was/is obtained but donor may be restricted if they have reached the threshold on families created.

Embryos created with a now deceased donor can not be donated without posthumous consent and the clinic itself may have a policy against donation in that case.

Partner withdrawing consent at any point would prevent embryos being used at all.

Not all embryos are wanted for research. Ours were rejected because there is a family history of a genetic condition, which rules them out of most studies.

Also, did you see Izzy Judd's recent post on this on Instagram? I thought her reflections on it were beautiful "I will always wonder who you might have been". Lots of comments on the post from others in similar positions which may bring you some comfort ❤️

Yes, we did IVF and if we'd had more embryos than we needed I'd have done this. I hadn't realised how strongly I would feel about them until I had my children.

Gah, now I'm thinking about transferring it again!!! FFS

Does your clinic offer counselling? Most do. Might be worth having a talk through with them to help clarify your thoughts on it all. It's such a hard decision.

Such embryos might still be wanted for training. Trainee embryologists need to practise picking up embryos and moving them from one container to another, removing a cell for chromosomal testing etc.

I'm pretty sure you can donate them to an infertile woman @Whattodonowandthen No reason on earth why not.

I donated mine for ‘practice’ which sounds horrible, but isn’t, and maybe things have changed over the years. It was to help trainee embryologists improve their skills so that they could increase the chance of another couple succeeding. This could be another option? I felt better knowing they were being used for something positive.

I live in a country where embryo donation is illegal. No idea about donating to the hospital for research. We're about to try for our second so no decision to make yet but if we end up with any embryos left frozen they will eventually be destroyed anyway - I can't remember now whether it's after 10 or 15 years they will no longer store them.