Unused embryos - is this a ridiculous thought?

[Whattodonowandthen]

This is probbly going to sound odd, but emotionally, it would bring me the greatest closure.

I've been lucky enough to complete my family, due to the miracle of IVF. I do however have four embryos still at the clinic. Every year, I pay for storage and the reality is I cant bear the thought of them being 'destoyed'.

They legally cannot be donated, nor used for research.

The only way i feel like i could emotionally say goodbye to them would be if I had them transferred back into me, but at a time of my cycle that means they would not result in a pregnancy.

I know that sounds ridiculous, but it would feel like they were at least coming to a natural end in me, not in a petri dish.

Is this even a legal option? Has anyone else considered this? Any words of advice if it's not possible?

No it doesn't sound ridiculous. That's why I am not really in favour of frozen embryos waiting for a chance of life. I certainly wouldn't donate them for research.

I would speak to the storage provider about your options. This won’t have been the first time this question has been asked, nor the last.

Once you know what the options are, I would seek some counselling to talk through your thoughts and the pros and cons of the decision.

But it’s only a potential human- Like a seed
An acorn might be eaten by a squirrel
Or it might have grown into an oak tree th

Some have been stored and used up to 30 years and there have even been cases of people donating to younger generations of their family.

Historically under old freezing type embryos had a lot more damage so where not as useful over time so where commonly disgarded but now a days they could remain frozen indefinitely (although NHS or private clinic may set their own rules to not over crowd their freezers but even then you can pay to move them to other storage facilities).

There is no reason say a young person freezing due to cancer treatments or an early 20s couple etc... would only be allowed 10 years. Embryos are far more stable and require lower numbers than unfertilized eggs too.

HFEA (the UK governing body for fertility regulation) state embryos can be stored 'up to 55 years'.

Your emotions are totally normal, nothing odd with them (rather beautiful, I would say).
What I would make sure though is that this plan doesn't pose risks to your health 🙏

What about what other pp suggested: burying them?

Congratulations on your DN.

I didn’t know that there was any flexibility with the Catholic Church teaching that IVF is wrong as IVF ‘replaces the marital act’ in the creation of life, but know plenty of Catholics (including myself) who have had IVF treatment. And plenty of devout Catholics praying for IVF to succeed because they will (quite rightly imo) put real people above such ridiculous teachings.

But an embryo is not tree. It's a human being.

No it isn't. It's an embryo.

A morula/ blastocyst is not a human being. It's a group of cells without consciousness or sentience, not much different to an egg or sperm.

I would look for a specialist therapist who can help you process your thought process before taking any action. As a previous posters has said, there are risks and (huge) costs associated with having them transferred, although I absolutely appreciate where you're coming from with this thought!

OP we would have done this if we had any left. As a scientist I knew the benefits of allowing them to be sent for research and should have wanted to do that but it was never an option for us.

We also never wanted to donate (we also would have never used donors for the same reasons). I think it’s wonderful if you can donate but not everyone can or wants to and that’s also ok.

I think it’s called a compassionate transfer and is more common than you think, sometimes emotionally it’s what you need. Wishing you peace in whatever you choose though, even if it’s just to store another year whilst you make your mind up! ❤

I think this kind of moralising language is a large part of what makes things harder for people like the OP. The embryos are not 'waiting for a chance at life', they're fertilised eggs which could, in ideal circumstances and with a pretty large dose of luck, eventually lead to an ongoing pregnancy. Fertile heterosexual couples having regular sex create embryos all the time and many of them don't implant or, if they do, don't go on to develop into babies. IVF makes embryos and very very early miscarriages visible in a way they wouldn't otherwise be, which is why it's so emotionally draining. But I suppose it also does give you a chance to consciously say goodbye, OP - which may feel helpful?

I think it's pretty unlikely that a UK clinic would agree to implant the embryos, or let you take them home to bury. They would remove them from storage and let them perish naturally. One aspect to consider that might be helpful is that - even though this won't be taking place in your body - this could be just as 'natural' as implanting them into your womb. In natural conception, many fertilised eggs don't reach the womb at all. IVF gives embryos a head start that they wouldn't normally get by injecting them straight into the right place.

I never thought about the emotional turmoil that women go through in your situation. I can’t relate (except having desperately longed for a child after loss) but just want to send a virtual hug and hope you’re able to make the right decision for you. It may end up being one of those impossible situations where there is no ideal outcome. Good luck x

I'm sure when we signed all the legal papers for the IVF, they said legally they could only be stored for 10 years in the UK for various reasons.

Haha! The law changed in 2022. Prior to that it was 10 years but the law changed in July 22 consent must be regiven every 10 years

I had 7 frozen embryos, and have recently decided to 'destroy' them or however it was the clinic put it ! I did ask if I could have them myself to bury them, but was told no

It absolutely isn’t a human being.

I was in this position four years after DD was born by IVF. She was conceived after 10 years TTC and was born two months premature which was quite traumatic. We had three frozen embryos and I just couldn't face signing them over for research or destruction but was very scared at risking another premature birth even though I was advised by the doctors that the problem (pre-eclampsia) which caused to my DD's early arrival was unlikely to be as severe with a second pregnancy.

My idea eventually, as my age deadline for further treatment approached, was to ask for them to be implanted without any supporting treatment. However, the clinic wouldn't do that so I ended up going for a full frozen embryo transfer cycle (Ie with all the drugs and scans), being convinced that it was really unlikely to result in a pregnancy given our history of TTC and the age I was when the embryos were created. When the embryos thawed on the morning of the transfer, the embryologist told us that they were poor quality and unlikely to implant, but gave me the option of going ahead if I wanted, which I did.

Two out of the three embryos implanted although one 'vanished' around 9 weeks. The other is now my beautiful teenage son who thankfully was born full-term, but when we discovered I was actually pregnant again, it took a lot of getting used to, especially for my DH.

Things worked out fine for us but if you go down the road of transferring embryos (with or without drugs and scans), there is going to be the chance of a baby (or more) at the end of it so you do need to weigh things up very carefully. Giving them a chance was the only option for me though.

@Viviennemary it is potentially a human being. I thought of them that way as it makes it too emotional otherwise and the transfers/storage/money would never end, when would it stop?

I had the embryo that became my my son transferred at 42. He was born 4 days after my 43rd birthday. Don’t regret for a millisecond. You’ve done the hard bit, getting enough eggs and creating viable embryos ;I never had any left over). Don’t stop now! I don’t think that there is much difference between 40 and 42 really.

It's not a big thing in the UK (although apparently it is legal under certain conditions), but there are some places, particularly in the USA, where another couple will 'adopt' an embryo to avoid it being destroyed. It's different from donating to a couple with infertility issues because it's mainly religious couples who do it for moral reasons even when they would be able to have children naturally. And they are often more willing to take on an embryo that might not be top grade, or where there's a risk of genetic conditions.

It's a horrible decision to have to make, OP. I do think some counselling would help.

Why not? My son was a frozen embryo. He comes from the same batch that gave us our daughter. It can take several attempts to have a sibling.

Only potentially. I have a potential human in storage but unless it is implanted it has no chance.

A friend of mine asked for them back, then threw the vial into the sea whilst on a lovely holiday aboard a cruise ship. She did ask permission from the cruise line, who were lovely about it. They asked if she'd like the captain to come and say a prayer as they threw the vial in, it was declined as in no way religious, but the ship found a quiet, low deck for her and her DH to do it.

You either agree with IVF or you don't. If you don't fair enough but don't go guilt tripping those who have had their prayers answered via IVF.

If the option is the bin or research. Id choose research. Mine were donated mine to help train other Doctors to help other people.

I cant donate any embryos anyway as my husband was over 40 when they were created.