To think I’m not doing anything wrong

[Viserrisk]

Back to work on Monday after a lovely 2 weeks off! I’m currently reading a book (well I was before I came on here) with a glass of wine and left over Pringles from Christmas.

DH was out doing his hobby and he’s just come back home and asked me why I was drinking. I said I’m having a glass of wine, not exactly having shots rolling around everywhere. He said that I shouldn’t be drinking while looking after DC and that drinking alone in the house when it’s not Christmas anymore is “weird” DC1 is upstairs in their room and DC2 is sat on the floor playing.

AIBU?

What a disgusting way to talk to another adult who holds a different opinion than you. Imagine telling someone to grow up because they don’t need alcohol to tolerate their husband and kids 🤣

Sure their are alternatives to driving but the right question is in the same vein which is will you have the right mental capacity to deal with an emergency situation? Will you have the mental capacity in a potentially stressful situation to do the right thing or the correct thing?

Sure this completely depends on how much has been drunk but one large glass of wine is considered over the limit.

Why do people say this every time?! There are plenty of parents that can't drive - what are they supposed to do?

Well it's been a while since my 14 year old proactively chose to 'sit on the floor and play' - so I assume the point at which that becomes somewhat rare or unusual is at some time between those ages.

The ops post clearly implied she has a youngish child, which was my point. And she was sitting drinking a glass of wine at 3pm, whilst in sole charge of them.

I think that's odd, for want of a better word. That's all.

You might think 3pm wine drinking whilst looking after dc is totally ordinary...lots on the thread seem to so you're not alone.

To paraphrase Mean Girls: “Don’t have sex, because you WILL get pregnant. And drive.”

Has OP said that it was a large glass? If not, maybe it wasn’t.

Nope but by your own logic maybe it was. But we also don’t know if this is a one off, if she drinks often and alone and if it is an ongoing issue.

The crux of my post was to ask generally if the OP had the right mental capacity to deal with a potentially stressful situation with her children not to judge the size of her glass. A small glass of wine on a very small frame for someone who doesn’t drink will be felt and potentially put someone into the wrong capacity. A large glass on a larger frame of someone who drinks more often may not have any affect at all.

Onky she can answer these questions which she isn’t…..

Of course you will. It's a glass of wine, not 13 tequilas and a bump of coke.

Is dry January bringing out the sanctimommies or what?

Sounds like a strange reaction to have on your DH’s part… maybe he’d had a bad day!
Certainly has put me in the mood for a glass now!

How disgusting to imply that because someone enjoys a glass of wine they can’t tolerate their husband and kids sans-vino.

Thats quite a reach Stretch Armstrong.

OP said this.

No reason at all to be concerned about my drinking. I rarely drink. I don’t do “nights out” anymore. I only really have a couple if I’m out having a meal or on holiday. I was just finishing off the left over wine from New Year’s Eve.

Is somewhere between 11 and 14 "youngish"?

Incidentally, my 14yo isn't much of a sit on the floor and play type either, but many of their friends are. Kids are different like that.

As to my opinion on enjoying a glass of wine, while the children's are playing quietly, I'd say an adult with no history of drinking problems ought to be able to cope with that without issue. And certainly without placing their children at significant additional risk

What if you don’t have a car or know how to drive?! Should I not have had children then?

No not sanctimonious at all, is dry January bringing out grumpiness for you? Don’t need to have a dry January if I don’t drink anyway but this post isn’t about me. 🤣

I have a good friend who would be completely drunk from one glass of wine (been there and saw it) and would not be capable of making good decisions in a stressful emergency situation with children.

You yourself know it does not look good - dc2 observes his or her mother drinking alone. The children are left to their own devices. It just looks rubbish, looks bad. Did I have a drink when I wanted when I was looking after dc? Yes, I did. But I did not not make it conspicuous. Never in full view of dc. And I also read to my heart's content, but in bed, after I interacted with dc - they will grow up so fast, and leave the house - one day you will think - why did I sit then and read that stupid book when I could have played with the dc on the floor? Or had a chat with the one upstairs.

No more so than the reach that someone who doesn’t want to be cognitively impaired while caring for children is somehow sanctimonious, boring, judgemental, or any of the other things that the wine lovers are calling posters who don’t drink/don’t drink in charge of kids. Choosing to be sober around your children or sober full stop doesn’t make you a bad person, but these threads always go the same way and the posters who don’t need or want alcohol in their lives or their children’s lives are lambasted.

I assume all the parents who say you shouldn’t drink while looking after kids are teetotal?

Never enjoy a drink with their DP, either at home or on a night out? No lovely local pint during a country walk? No glass of wine with dinner on holiday?

Even if you have a drink once kids are in bed, you’re still responsible for them. They do wake up in the night and first thing in the morning when a parent may still be inebriated from the night before.

If only there was a free service that could get you medical treatment quickly by medically trained professionals and take you to a place where doctors could help you. Well one that actually worked anyway….

This is insane 😁.

Well he'd think I was awful then. I've had two glasses of prosecco whilst out shopping this aft, and two rum and ginger ales since I got back, and now considering a glass of wine,
Technically it still is Christmas, there are 12 days which are up on Monday. However what overrides that is that you are an adult and if you want a glass of wine you can bloody well have one.

Get a taxi...

I was a single parent for very many years. It was always on me. I had a very unreliable ex who I couldn't rely on to be where he was supposed to be when it was his weekend to have the kids and I had to be the responsible adult all the time and always be "on" for the kids, even when it was supposed to be my weekend "off". I suppose that got me out of the habit of being able to have a drink, because I often had to go and get the kids when he was supposed to be responsible for them. So indeed I was teetotal pretty much - very occasionally if they were with my parents I'd have a glass of wine but that was maybe once or twice a year at most.

I’d be really pissed off if my DH was drinking while looking after my young child. Take some responsibility OP.

It looks absolutely fine. A mother is allowed to chill and doesn’t have to constantly interact with their children.