Arrrrgghhh!!!!

[Ilovelisting]

I am 50 and every woman my age who I seem to come across looks fabulous and gets mistaken for 35 and has the smooth neck of a baby and all that good stuff. And I have no delusions about myself that I was ever Claudia bloody Schieffer (showing my age there), but I dress nicely and my hair is nice and I wear makeup, albeit in an amateur fashion, and I am not dowdy and I like to think I have wit and a youthful approach to life. And I look in the mirror and defnitely see puffiness and eyelids that are going south but I am not overly disgusted with my reflection - and I do tend to be a harsh critic of myself.
BUT...........today ANOTHER person mistook me for being a good decade older than I am, This is the second time in a year that this has happened, and over the last 10 years I have been mistaken for being older upteen times. And I can't put my finger on what is going on..like am I in denial about my face or is it a kind of old vibe I give off.

Also, DH tells me dutifully that I am loveliness itself but besides him, nobody ever tells me I look well. So I guess maybe I don't and I am living in delusion? AIBU to ask someone to talk me off the ledge? I know this is all quite incoherent but today's comment just pushed me over the edge.

Oh, OP. That sounds really dispiriting. Remember that most people are pretty bad at guessing age, and it’s made worse by the fact that parts which should really be for older women on TV and in movies are often played by younger actresses, or actresses who are artificially youthful. So we have a skewed cultural imagination regarding women’s aging.

But if you’re getting upset by this, could you afford to find a good stylist who might help you with a change of style? Or even ask a trusted friend whose style you really like?

I used to be completely clueless about how to dress well when I was younger. Then I met a friend who’s very interested in fashion, who helped me learn what suits me and how to choose a sensible and flattering wardrobe. The hilarious thing is that I now get a lot more compliments on my style, as a size 16 woman in my forties, than I ever did as a size 10 in my twenties.

So maybe finding someone you trust to give you an honest opinion and a bit of guidance might help. You might well find that just making some small changes would boost your confidence - and confidence in how you look is really all you need.

I'm absolutely awful at guessing age. Terrible. I tell people not to ask but they insist and I'm always decades out.

Do you dress in an aging way? My aunt looked about 70 in her 50s because of her hair and clothes, not because of her face.

Time to shake it up? New hair style and a John Lewis stylist appointment.

Thanks guys for your empathy xx I tend to think I wear nice clothes, nothing flashy but stuff from the better end of Zara or whatnot, and I totally keep my hair in check and am slowly going into debt buying more and more expensive products for hair and skin. I do actually maybe think it's either my face or my personality! (SO wishing I was brave enough to post a pic and be one of those 'what age do I look' people, but nooooooo). Thanks.

Ahh I hear you.

Ive just gone 50, and I look it.

In fact, over the last few months, when I've mentioned to people that I was about to turn 50, I've seen a fleeting look on their face that tells me they probably thought I was already there, if not a way past🤣

I can't do anything about it so I can't fret about it. I don't even think I look wrinkly, or dated, I get loads of compliments on my hair and my style, I just have always (even as a teen) looked older than I am.

Oh @DollopOfFun I have seen that fleeting look on so many faces, I know exactly what you are talking about!! I really like your attitude though, cos at the end of the day the bloody fretting about it is probably ageing me even more and undoing the good work of all the expensive crap I smear on my wizened face 😂

I sometimes wonder if I'm really a mumsnetter, because I don't think I've ever had anyone say 'oh I thought you were younger!'. And I started going into town centre pubs at fourteen, and have never once been asked for ID (maybe the drinking from fourteen bit explains the haggardness now I think about it!)

Even if you do look older than you are, I'm sure you look lovely. I reckon we should just stick to the plan- keep slapping on the skin care, keep up the subtle Botox (me anyway). Fill our sad 1990's brows in. Eat healthily and exercise, stay up to date with clothes and hair, and try to enjoy this stage of life. If we do this, at some point someone HAS to (at least once) think we're younger than we actually are. But that might be when we're 91 😂

I wonder if it is more to do with posture and flexibility? Do you move easily and stand up straight. I have a friend the same age as me but she is often mistaken for being older. She is very thin and is always cold so she hunches into herself a lot. I'm fat and try to stand up straight 😂
My mum always walked everywhere and had very good posture so people took her for much younger person. She had a round face too though.

Woman to woman - you’re probably in denial.

I think I look fairly good for age in the mirror, especially when my make up perks me up a bit. Nothing like the tired old hag with droopy eyes and grey skin in photos 😂

Ha haaa "our sad 1990s brows" gave me a few more laughter lines so thanks for nothing yeh? 😂. Great outlook again, and I now cross my fingers that come 91 I will be told I don't look a day over 88 👌

Thanks. That's an interesting point and I am going to pay attention to that. I am a bit meek and maybe hold myself meekly.

I hear ya, there may be a smigeon of denial alright. The mirror is so much kinder than the camera.

In all my 55 years on this earth, I've never met a 50 year old who looks 35.

I know Mumsnet is apparently full of them, so perhaps I'm just not looking hard enough? 👓😂

Do the people who think you’re free bus pass eligible know you or have they just met you?

Two questions.

• Do you wear SPF? Religiously, every blessed day?
• Do you work out? Properly. Not the occasional walk or something?

I’m a bit younger than you, but not doing those two things seem to be the major ageing factors for women over 40 (35, in some cases) that I know. There seems to be a default to dieting and slapping on spendy creams, and those sorts of things don’t work.

On the other hand, none of this really matters and I’m sure you look lovely.

I’ve met loads, but they tend to be Black or SE Asian. My friend’s mum is a statuesque East African goddess, who - at 63 - could pass for 20 years younger with ease. Utterly flawless skin.

Interesting question. They are all people I would know in a work context - colleagues and clients, so I would have a bit of contact with them but wouldn't know them well.

I wear SPF almost every blessed day and I don't work out beyond a fair bit of brisk walking. I need to start though, I am a healthy weight though. But I could do with drinking less wine, in relation to all that.

You're doing better than me, OP. At 45, I look like I'm 127!

a statuesque East African goddess

Blimey, I'm not even sure what that means in the context of this thread?

Obviously you think she's a good looking woman, but I don't think I've ever heard anyone described in such a way 😀

Good for her though, it's nice to hear.

Yay to the SPF. But, yes, start exercising. It’s not about your weight, it’s about your muscle tone, how you carry said weight and how you move your body. It’s also just good for you.

Please drink your wine, though. Life is far too short for deprivation in the pursuit of eternal youth.

I have a massive crush on her and it’s an accurate description!

Interesting answer! So, mainly people who see you when you’re in professional mode and not when you’re relaxed or expressing your feelings or joking around etc?

I do think that can make a big difference to how we’re perceived, but it’s the signs of aging which shift product, like wrinkles and grey hairs, that get all the press.

I think the biggest difference that I see with my skin is when I drink plenty of water versus when I don't drink enough water. Sunscreen and not smoking are also vital of course.

I aged 10 years overnight when new glasses threw my crows feet into sharp focus 😂

Op I'm with you

My kids teens and adults tell me I don't act my age at all because I think I'm the mind I stopped aging at 25 and had my eldest young so they keep me younger but I look in the mirror sometimes and I have to double take

No alcohol good moisturiser and skin oils no junk food and plenty of water and two weeks in I look and feel totally different
I also find this time of year I look like an anaemic pasty so that doesn't help.