Arrrrgghhh!!!!

[Ilovelisting]

I am 50 and every woman my age who I seem to come across looks fabulous and gets mistaken for 35 and has the smooth neck of a baby and all that good stuff. And I have no delusions about myself that I was ever Claudia bloody Schieffer (showing my age there), but I dress nicely and my hair is nice and I wear makeup, albeit in an amateur fashion, and I am not dowdy and I like to think I have wit and a youthful approach to life. And I look in the mirror and defnitely see puffiness and eyelids that are going south but I am not overly disgusted with my reflection - and I do tend to be a harsh critic of myself.
BUT...........today ANOTHER person mistook me for being a good decade older than I am, This is the second time in a year that this has happened, and over the last 10 years I have been mistaken for being older upteen times. And I can't put my finger on what is going on..like am I in denial about my face or is it a kind of old vibe I give off.

Also, DH tells me dutifully that I am loveliness itself but besides him, nobody ever tells me I look well. So I guess maybe I don't and I am living in delusion? AIBU to ask someone to talk me off the ledge? I know this is all quite incoherent but today's comment just pushed me over the edge.

@ForZanyAquaViewer you know all I heard there was "keep drinking wine" don't you? 😂. No, I joke, you obviously know your stuff and your rationale for exercising is one I haven't heard before, thanks, I really will use this.

That's quite true....and it is a job where I have to seem in charge. Like, I think there are definitely other factors, but this may well be one, thanks!

I was in my 40's when I decided to stop colouring my hair and let it go grey naturally (took years, with a couple of slips, and it's now almost white) I also made the decision that I wasn't going to have an old lady/aging style.
It's unusual whilst being low maintenance - but I'm used to being complimented frequently by strangers on how good it looks - which can give an amazing boost on days when I'm feeling a bit crap. Have a chat with your hairdresser about new styles.
Also agreed with a friend recently that having a plump face can result in fewer wrinkles, or wrinkles being less obvious.

The other thing, if this is feedback from work colleagues, is to think about what you say - saying something like "that was pre-internet" to a colleague in their 20's tends to invoke incredulous gawps.

Ive never met a 50 year old who genuinely looks in her 30s. What wrong with looking your age?

My sister is in her 60s and was carrying her daughter's 40th birthday balloons when a woman said "ooh it's my 40th too, happy birthday" so it can happen and she does have the most beautiful smooth skin (with no help - I don't think she even uses moisturiser!).

I on the other hand have been offered senior discounts since my early 50s and could have written the opening post myself, even using Claudia Schiffer as my beauty benchmark.

OP were the people concerned quite young?

I turned 50 recently and think I look my age although still don’t feel like a ‘grown up’ most days 😂

I was buying a phone last week and the young woman serving me said ‘I don’t like asking this but it is asking me about your age band’. I just said straight away ‘Well, I am 50’. She replied ‘Shall I tick 40 to 49?’. As if admitting to being 50 was not something I should be doing. I said ‘No, I am 50 so tick that one’.

To make matters much worse, an older man (I would say he was late 60s/70) then shuffled in to the shop in his cap and she said ‘Oh, is this your partner?’. WTF.

Also - hair! What is your hair like? I find lots of women I know somehow their hair gets shorter with each year and it really ages them. I saw someone recently i’ve not seen in ages and they’d gone for that short cut look and it aged the hell out of them. Can’t see any difference in their face or clothes it was definitely the hair!

I have quite a round face, bushy eyebrows, and people routinely think I am quite a bit younger than my same aged husband. I also have very clear, unwrinkled skin. It’s entirely genetic.

Being skinny can accentuate wrinkles. Equally, being overweight can contribute to a look of frumpiness.

I hear you. I am 50. On New Year’s Eve, 2 children were there that did not know me and DP. DP is 3 years younger than me and one of these children asked, are you the Grandma? There is no way I look that much older than DP plus their own dad is only 5 years younger than me. 🤣🤣

It's impossible to guess age, especially in the age of 'tweakments'.

I have relatives slightly older than me (late 40s) who undergo regular Botox and fillers, and they do look a good 15 years younger than you'd expect. It actually puts me off wanting to meet up with them because it feels like they're 'winning' the ageing race.

I have a 'baby face' but no Botox so loads of forehead/eye lines, which point to my real age

I think a lot of it is about vibe. My MIL is a few months off 80, and as an ex smoker and sun worshipper her skin tells the truth. But she has stylish well cared for hair, very stylish clothes and she's slim and very fit - more agile than I am at 40. She's also outgoing and smiley. The eye sees all that before it sees the wrinkles and she genuinely does pass for 20 years younger than she is on first glance.

My vibe is very different to my MIL's. <sniff>

I genuinely get told I look younger than my mid 40s but I think it’s because I have a fat round face - so swings and roundabouts 🤪

Do you move like an old person?? Are you fit, fast and flexible? I think that's a huge part of it. Posture too.

I am sadly one of those women that are told they look 40 rather than 50 but I have neat natural eyebrows (albeit tattooed on), white teeth (whitened but not Simon Cowell white) and I had my lips blushed (sort of tattooed) as I read somewhere years ago what goes naturally as you age is lip colour, teeth start darkening and you lose your eyebrows or they go grey and wirey.

I do think maybe if you really looked you'd think 5 years younger not 10 but above us the 4 main thing that I think makes a huge difference.

That made me laugh!

But haven’t most people over 50 have stopped worrying about that sort of thing surely, it perhaps it’s just me!

I know an aunt of mine once said the best thing she found about aging were the pretty girls at school didn’t look any different to her at 50+.

OP I'd pop over to the style and beauty section if you want some focused advice.

I'm 53 and a few years ago was really starting to look shit as I hit Menopause.

I went on HRT, had my colours done (clothes) did a lot of re-working of style, let my hair go grey (which worked out really well) and had a new style, but I also now do Botox and some very subtle fillers for my 11's.

"Fresh faced" look for makeup, foundation just doesn't do what it used to.

I look better at 53 than I did at 49 for sure.

Do not spend loads of money on face cream, none of them work.

This for sure, I worked with a woman 2 years older than me and people thought she was 10-15 years older than me and the same age as another woman 12 years older than her, because she had short grey hair. It was a stylish cut, but it aged her so much. Just her dyeing her hair alone would have taken 10 years off her. Especially these days, when most women are giving up on hair dye in their 70s and 80s rather than their 50s.

I love myself even if i look like an old hag.
I dont wear make-up i only dye the end of my hair.
But i do have very good skin care.
I dont drink i eat right (ok i try to)
I have never had any fillers or what ever i wear what i want and what im comfortable in.
Op i think if you start liking yourself more even on a bad day it makes a difference.
Like yesterday morning i looked like a right dog just awful but while finishing my skin care morning routine i looked in the mirror and sad yep someone is looking fabulous.
I say the same throughout the day even about my back fat oooooh your rubbing together because im sexy.
Night time routine the same im looking fabulous gorgeous best i go to bed i need a restraining order against myself.
I may come as a joke to most but theres to many sad personality and people getting offended over crap id rather be happy.

That's the thing, they actually weren't young. The first was 59 and the second is in mid 60s, ffs!! I feel if a 20 something year old thinks I am prehistoric that is entirely understandable but I had liked to think I appeared girlish and frivolous to people who are a decade or two older than me! (again, the denial). On a side note, I think I will take a walk through town carrying some 40th birthday balloons and see what happens 😍

Janey, no jury would convict you of assault-by-phone on the back of that!

Sound advice (though I am scared of the style and beauty section so I will stay here 😳). Maybe I need to look into the HRT thing. Thanks.

I love this post and I think you sound like you have a superb attitude. Respect. I felt a teeny bit sad reading it, as I am not good at the self love. I try and I try to fake it til I make it but truth be told, self loathing comes easier. I also sweat the small stuff, which I am trying not to do, because I know a couple of women who don't sweat the small stuff and are really good to themselves, and it shows on the face, darn it!

Anyway, me me me, eh? But honestly, this thread has been so helpful and you are all very clever and kind, and not one poster has told me to get the f@@k over myself and that I am not in Gaza, etc, which would be fair enough but unhelpful let's face it.

I'm 52 and for the first time I am starting to feel my age and I think look it too. However despite this most people think I look slightly younger ( but more like late 40's certainly not 35!!!) when I was in my late 40's someone asked me if I was taking retirement!! I really didn't look 20 years older than my age!! So I really would not worry about others comments, some people really have no idea how to guesstimate an age!

I'm 58 I've worked in secondary schools in the same area since 1991. Sometimes I bump into random old pupils who I don't recognise and who tell me I look exactly the same as I did 25 years ago. I can't tell if they are making a joke or being polite!
I have come to terms with looking old by taking advantage of it , for example on the trains during my commute. There are a huge number of very polite young men in London. Even if they don't give me their seats they don't say anything when I shove them out of the way to get to one.
Also both my grandmothers looked old and they were awesome so I just think I'm like them!
I work with someone who claims to be 50 and looks 30ish. I saw the screen saver on her phone of her son ,who looks like a super model, and he is a grown up so I don't think she is lying. She is very good looking as well. She says everyone from Ghana is the same! If so that seems a little unfair to us potato people from London.

I really love this thread. I’m 45 but in my head I’m 25.

What is your diet like? Can you glow from within like the ready brek advert à la Twilight?

Also your posture? Do you stand as though you are a puppet on a string being held high or a marionette chucked in the back of a drawer?

I was complemented at a healthcare appointment a couple of weeks ago. She kept on asking for my date of birth and said she couldn't believe I was in my 50s and thought I was 40.

I have been stuffing my face all Christmas. I have my roots done at a local hairdressers who have a name like the Scissors Sisters and do absolutely no aesthetic procedures. I have also stopped HRT. The only thing I do do are pressups and body-weight exercises. I was thankful as I was starting to feel like I looked about 60.